I roamed the halls in boredom. I went past a room and noticed Lona looking at a letter. Out of curiosity, I went into the room. I snuck up on her and looked over her shoulder to read the letter.

It read:

My Dearest Lona,

It's been far too long since I've seen your enchanting face. I am plagued by endless dreams of you. I fear I am not myself since I have looked upon an angel. If I can see you again, I can die a happy man.

[more lovey-dovey writing]

Whenever I receive a letter from you, I am overcome with joy. The last letter was short, and although you only wrote "Hello" on it, I still feel as though my soul has been lifted. I can even feel the love in each letter of your writing.

But how is my lovely Lona doing? Are you eating well? Do you think of me everyday? I think of you every second of the day...

[several more pages of lovey-dovey writing]

Please stay safe, my one true love. Until we meet again. With much love, your Darling (and love of your life) Joel.

....

I blinked in surprise. Why does Lona receive letters from Joel!? And since when?!?

Lona pulled out a piece of paper still unaware that I was standing behind her. She wrote down:

Dear Joel,

I am well.

Yours truly, Lona

I blinked in disbelief. I shouted, "What kind of response is that?!?"

She jumped and looked at me. "Seri!! When did you get behind me!?"

"I've been here the whole time... Why is Joel writing you lovey-dovey letters?"

She blushed and looked away, "He seems to be interested in me."

"Seems to be??"

No. That's definitely more than "seems to be interested". He's 100% interested.

I bit my cheek feeling a bit irritated. Who does this bastard think he is?? How dare he try to take my Lona away from me. I need to teach this idiot a lesson.

I glanced at Lona who was looking the letter with a faint smile. Ugh... She looks so happy though...

I swallowed down my jealousy, "And what about you Lona? Do you like him?"

She blushed slightly and shook her head, "It doesn't matter if I do or not. I'm far too old for marriage now."

My face twitched, "Lona. You're not that old.'

She frowned, "But Joel is also younger than me. No... I fear it would never work between us."

That's what she's concerned about?! Age?!? Not the fact that the man is an insane masochist!?!

I rubbed my face in exasperation, "Lona. Just ignore age. You two aren't that far apart by age. And also, you're never too old to find love. Let me ask you again, do you like him?"

She looked away and blushed, "I would be lying if I said I wasn't interested..."

"So you like him..." I glanced at her with a questioning gaze, "Just when did you start liking him?"

She thought back, "I think... It was back when he first proposed to me. He presented me a white rose with such a determined expression... And I said no."

I nearly fell over, "You said no?!"

Her smile grew as she recounted the memory, "He started crying. As he clung to my legs sobbing, I couldn't help but feel extreme pleasure. It was at that moment that I realized I had fallen in love."

I took a step away in surprise, "Lona! Since when have you been such a sadist?!"

She blinked in surprise and looked at me, "A sadist? No, I'm not."

But you just admitted to enjoying Joel crying at your feet...

Okay, note to self. Be more careful around Lona.

I sighed, "If you like him so much... What is up with your letters?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your replies. He wrote so much, yet all you put was: I am well."

She furrowed her brow, "I don't know what else to write."

"You're really clueless when it comes to love, aren't you?" I looked at her in pity.

She frowned at me and raised an eyebrow, "Oh? Are you knowledgeable about love then?"

My face twitched. I cleared my throat, "Anyway, you should probably write a little more. I almost feel bad for Joel..."

Well. Almost.

I left Lona behind. That night I had trouble sleeping. I began to walk the halls which was starting to become a regular occurrence. I kept thinking about the conversation with Lona.

Love, huh? Somehow I can't help but feel a bit jealous. The closest thing I've ever come to feeling love was when I was with my little brothers....

But when I lost them, I never felt love towards another person again. Now it seems totally foreign to me.

Of course I have people I hold dear to me. But that feeling I felt when I was with my brothers... I haven't felt it since.

It seems like that event took more away from me then I thought it did.

I found myself on the balcony. I leaned on the railing and looked down at the ground. I held my hand out to feel the slight breeze. I frowned.

It seems like I'm still incomplete.

Although I'm happy I'm no longer angry constantly, I'm still lacking in many things. It feels like I'm just living this life for the sake of it...

Let's see... If I was a therapist, I would probably tell myself to make a goal. Then focus on that goal to feel like I am accomplishing something.

A goal... A goal, eh?

Well. I've always wanted to beat William and Dante. Of course, such a thing is nearly impossible... But maybe if I can trick them into underestimating me... I may stand a chance.

Then I suppose I will just focus on that for now. Once I achieve it... Then I'm not sure what I will do next. Luckily, I have time to figure it out.

If I do beat them.... I wonder if they will cry... Hehe. Thinking about Dante crying makes me squirm with joy. I really hope I can see such a thing.

I sighed with a smile as I imagined the scene. I opened my eyes and looked down. It was a long way down. I'm not sure if falling from this height could kill me... But it might.

How strange. Even with that thought I don't feel anything about it. Before I recalled my death, I'm sure such a height made me anxious.

So why doesn't it now?

Could it be... I lack fear?

Lately I regained my ability to feel anger, happiness, and sadness. But it seems I've yet to feel fear.

As if guided by an unseen force, I took off my slippers and climbed onto the railing. I stood up on the thin rail as I looked down with blank eyes. Even though a sudden breeze could cause me to fall to my death, I still felt nothing.

"Seri!!" Suddenly my body was yanked backwards before I could think of anything else.

My eyes widened as I fell backwards. I felt something wet spash my cheek. Lona grabbed on to me tightly and I looked up into her eyes. Tears rolled down her face as she looked at me with a panicked expression.

"What were you doing?!" She shouted at me in a pained voice.

I was so confused by the matter. I looked at her with a blank expression, "Why are you so upset? It's not like I was about to jump or anything."

Her lip trembled, "How am I supposed to know that?! You've been acting so different lately! One minute you smile, and the next you look like someone else!! Why would you put yourself in danger like that!?!"

I glanced away, "I just wanted to find something that I was missing."

"Missing!?"

"I wanted to feel fear again."

Lona bit her lip as she looked down at my despondent face. She spoke in a low tone, "Fear? Why would you go to such lengths to find that? I thought you wouldn't want to feel afraid."

I looked back at her with dull eyes, "You don't understand. I don't want to feel fear, but rather... I just want to feel complete again. I want to find the thing I lack."

I watched as she cried over me. "Well I don't lack fear. And seeing you just now... My heart felt as if it was going to stop. Please, Seri... Please don't make me feel like that again."

Ah, I just now realized how much I've taken Lona for granted.

She's always been there for me. Whenever I was sick. Whenever I was sad. When I was angry. When I was causing trouble. No matter what I did, Lona was still there.

But have I ever done anything to show how much she meant to me? Maybe once before... But was that really all?

I reached up and held Lona's cheeks in my hands. I wiped away her tears and spoke in a soft tone. "Lona... I've just realized how badly I've treated you. But I will make it up to you."

"You haven't treated me badly..." She sniffled.

"I have. From now on, I won't try to scare you anymore. Also... You should be with Joel."

Her eyes widened in surprise at this, "Joel?"

I nodded, "You clearly like him, and Joel clearly likes you. Although I dislike the idiot, I want you to be happy."

She shook her head slightly, "It doesn't matter if I love him or not. I don't have a family that could provide a dowry. And although Joel has a nice position at the Academy, it wouldn't be enough for us both. I can't leave my job. I can't leave you."

I smiled at her and ran my fingers through her hair. "Then I will become your benefactor."

"Benefactor? How could you have enough money to become a benefactor?"

"I have much more money than you'd think... Plus, you could get a house close to the Academy with Joel. Then you'll still be able to see me, and my father won't be as unwilling to let me attend."

She sniffled and looked at me with a serious expression, "But why would you be willing to go so far for me? I'm just a servant. I'm not even a high ranking servant."

I sat up and wrapped my arms around her. I nuzzled into her with a relaxed smile. "Any child would do that for someone they consider to be their mother."

Lona smiled at me, "If your mother hears that, she will be upset."

I shrugged, "But it's how I feel." I released her and smiled, "So? Your daughter is giving you her blessing. Are you going to keep making excuses, or are you going to finally do something for yourself?"

She grinned at me, "Then... I will have to take you up on your offer."

____

(Present time)

I sat under the stairway in the darkness hugging my knees. I recounted my story to Dante, but I didn't tell him the full story.

I made sure to leave out the part about me being the Black Death, the assassination plot, and the deal I made with Simon.

It's not that I didn't want to tell him. It was just too soon for me to trust him with that. Not to mention Simon was unpredictable. If he found out I told Dante, he may kill him to silence him.

Although Dante was capable of taking care of himself, Simon was just too deadly and unpredictable. I'm sure that between the two of them, Simon would be the winner.

So for now, Dante would just need to know that I ran away for a few months. Then when I returned, I was trained by Simon so I could defeat him and William in the competition.

I sighed and looked at the opening with a glum expression. "But William wasn't wrong... I really am trash."

I've made a heartless deal. I've cruelly hurt everyone around me. I even killed all those people and felt absolutely nothing. Even though I hated myself for doing it, I still wouldn't stop.

And these ugly scars... They are a reminder of just how horrible I am.

I really was an ugly excuse for a human being.

"You're not."

Dante's sudden voice pulled me from my dark thoughts. I looked at the opening, "What was that?"

"You're not trash." He repeated firmly.

I couldn't help but blink in surprise. My breath caught in my throat. "If I'm not trash... What else could I be?"

Did he think I was a monster?

Did he think I was even worse than trash?

Dante was quiet as he tried to think of the right words. Finally, he spoke in a low tone. "To me... You're not trash... But rather... A priceless treasure."

I felt my heart throb in my chest. I jumped into the opening so quickly, I startled Dante. I looked at him with wide eyes, "What was that?"

He was confused by my sudden appearance. He had expected to see me crying and upset. Instead I looked at him with shimmering eyes.

He repeated, "To me, you are a priceless treasure."

A treasure?

He said I was a treasure to him.

Am I really a treasure?!

Do I really deserve to be thought of in such a way?

I stepped closer to him trying to contain my smile, "One more time?"

He smiled back calmly, "A treasure."

I rushed forward and wrapped my arms around him. He tensed up in surprise, but slowly relaxed. He looked down at me in confusion as I nuzzled into him giggling happily. He smiled warmly and hugged me back.

I looked up at him with expectant eyes, "Say it again."

"A treasure."

My eyes shimmered in happiness. I hugged onto him tighter, "Again."

"A treasure."

"Again."

As he continued to repeat himself, I felt as if I would explode. I never knew such a thing could feel so good. I didn't want this moment to stop.

Dante watched me and felt his eyes flicker in desire. He bent down and kissed my forehead, "You're my priceless treasure. That's why I intend on marrying you."

My body jolted in surprise. "Wait wait wait. Marriage!?! Isn't that a bit too soon?!"

Why marriage?! Why does everyone automatically jump to marriage here?!

He smiled as I looked up at him with a panicked expression. "It's not too soon."

I shouted in an anxious tone, "Of course it is!!! I won't even consider marrying someone who isn't at least 18!!"

Even then... Won't I be some creepy old lady robbing the cradle?!

He thought for a moment and nodded, "Well I'm 17 now. I can wait another year."

My mouth dropped at his shameless response. I shook my head quickly, "No no no! I need to be an adult too!"

He nodded, "Women are considered adults when they are 16. I can wait two years."

I wanted to faint. "No no no!!! I have to be 18!"

"Then I will wait four years."

Wait!! Why am I even discussing this with him?! There's no way I'm getting married!!!

As I struggled in his embrace, he tightened his grip around me refusing to let me go. I glanced up to see his golden eyes looking down at me with a delighted smile.

I couldn't help but feel as though I was being targeted by predator.