Stephan couldn't even remember when it had begun.

At first, it had been a small matter.

One day, he discovered that sex had become painful as there was no precum. Even if his wife was wet, the penetration was painful for him.

However, this was easily solved by using a lubricant.

Then, as time went by, he found that he could not maintain his erection.

It was frustrating. He could get hard when his wife enticed him with their foreplay, but once she was placed on the bed … it just went flaccid.

He hid the truth from her well at first. He would quickly use his hands to get himself hard again before she realised something was amiss. Then, he found that it was getting harder and harder to maintain it and get it up again.

Once, it just never rose back up and he could not perform the deed. She didn't blame him in any way, and he brushed it aside as him being too tired and stressed out.

That experience had scared him so much that ever since then, he simply shied away from it.

She never suspected a thing.

It was okay at first, but she then started to try and initiate physical intimacy. However, since she was the shy type, she would hint at it by kissing him.

He would pretend not to understand.

Whenever she kissed him, he reciprocated but before she could deepen the kiss, he would start joking around. It got her angry and frustrated, but he preferred that rather than her finding out the truth.

Now, though, he wondered why he did all that.

Ever since her death, he had been thinking about her endlessly.

It was only now that he realised how withdrawn she had become, and that she had stopped being affectionate. She wasn't unkind and she didn't ignore him, but she simply did not kiss him anymore.

He had been so caught up in his fear of her finding out that he didn't see how his actions had hurt her deeply.

He had been blind.

He had thought, so long as he treated her well, it was enough. Only now did he remember the hurt in her eyes whenever he covered up with jokes, or when he acted all tired and stressed out.

Did she know how much he loved her?

Did she die, thinking that he no longer wanted her?

She never complained and in fact, just acted like nothing was wrong. He was just so relieved that he didn't have to push her away all the time, that he never realised that, in actuality, it meant that something was wrong.

She didn't confide in him anymore as well.

Was that why she did what she did, and died for it?

Did he have a hand in her death as well?

Stephan broke down then, crying, as he held his head in his hands.

It was all too late.

✿ Author only posts on w.e.b.n.o.v.e.l. ✿

Kyle watched as his former spouse sat on the sofa, crying his heart out.

Sayuri was beside him, and gently placed her arm across his shoulders and was rubbing it.

Kyle leaned towards her, placing his arm across her waist as he watched the scene. He was unable to truly fathom the feelings that were stirring within him as at that moment.

"Are you still in love with him?" Sayuri asked.

"No," Kyle replied clearly, "When I died, I had accepted the fact that he's no longer a part of my life. I had this mentality that we've divorced and I've lived 19 years without him."

"I don't know what I feel right now," Kyle admitted and brought Sayuri to sit on his lap.

He hugged her tightly to him, wrapping his arms around her waist. He placed his chin on her shoulder, and his nose at the side of her neck, breathing in deeply.

She leaned back on him, and tilted her head a bit to allow him easier access. She felt his lips then on her neck while his hands started going underneath her shirt. He didn't do much, but simply lay his hand on her flat stomach, stroking the smooth skin.

"You're obviously feeling sad," Sayuri said gently, placing her hand on his that was underneath her shirt.

Kyle didn't answer, his eyes on the screen. Instead, he just hugged her tighter.

Whenever Kyle did this, turning to her and using her as his comfort pillow of some sort, Sayuri felt that it was rather bittersweet. It gave her hope as he saw her as more than just a bed partner yet, he never realised what he was doing.

It's like, he was just acting out on pure instinct and never thinking about the reasons behind his actions. Sayuri wondered how long she would be able to last.

She knew, that so long as they were together, Kyle wouldn't look at another woman. Would she be happy to have this sort of ambiguous relationship with him?

Actually, it was wrong to label it as an ambiguous relationship since he laid out the rules from the start. Exclusive bed partners without a future.

The thing is, if all they did was just having sex whenever they wanted, it would have been fine. However, Kyle treated her like she was special and he was caring. It gave the illusion of something more.

Sayuri knew this path that she was on was very dangerous.

Dangerous to her heart, that is.

At that moment, Sayuri made a decision. She knew that Kyle would never look at another woman, nor break this off with her as they were so compatible sexually. It would be up to her to do the breaking-up in the future.

Sayuri gave herself two years.

If, at the end of that time, she still hasn't managed to thaw out his heart, she was going to confess.

Whatever happens after that, will depend entirely on him.