I thought I didn't have a heart anymore. I thought I was getting used to losing people.

Yet, when the late Empress Grandmother is brought out of her building for the funerals, a tear escapes from my eye.

I didn't have time to get too attached to her yet... I wipe the tear away before anyone else can see it.

I'm a lady. I'm allowed to cry and faint. But it wouldn't be a pretty sight, especially because I'm not supposed to know her majesty.

Alexander is also sad, but I can't guess if it's genuine or just a facade. He didn't seem to care too much about the old lady while she was alive. Now it's late to despair.

Just like everyone else. They abandoned her: what are they looking for, now? What are those fake tears and desperate expressions?

The Empress is loaded on a ceremonial carriage, and we follow her towards the royal family's chapel. She will be buried there after the blessing from the High Priestess.

The girl is wearing her usual red dress, but she doesn't have heavy jewellery on her head. Just a light tiara she never takes off.

«Today, we bid farewell to a soul that has been with us for decades. Her majesty, the Empress Grandmother, called for me in one of her moments of clearness. She asked me to be buried next to her husband, where the light doesn't reach, and the sounds are deaf. She told me to hearten all of you, for death is just a passage. She's now in another place, drinking wine with her husband and sons...»

The High Priestess sweeps her gaze over all of us. She doesn't seem surprised by anything she sees in my expression.

It's odd that the only one feeling actually sad is a woman that wasn't supposed to know the deceased, but life is as such.

And the High Priestess must have seen weirder situations.

The rest of the ceremony is brief and plain. The Priestess does her tasks, and she makes the masters close the coffin. Then, the Empress is brought into the crypt, and the few guests allowed in this phase disperse.

In an hour, we'll have the banquet in her honour. And that will be it.

As soon as we reach Alexander's chambers to rest, a servant from the Empress Grandmother's building approaches us.

«Your highnesses, there's a letter for you.»

«For whom?» I inquire.

«Both of you.»

Alexander takes the paper from the train and waves off to the servant, walking towards his lodgings.

I wake up Lavinia to feed her, as I won't be around in the afternoon, while he opens the envelope and starts reading. His hands tremble at some point, but he keeps calm.

He doesn't want to startle us, so he folds the paper and leaves it on the table. With a straight face, he turns to me.

«It seems that my grandmother wasn't actually insane,» he comments.

His shoulders tremble, but I pretend not to see his emotions.

«She wrote that I'm lucky to have a wife like you.»

«Is that reason enough to be considered sane by you?» I inquire, patting Lavinia on the diaper a bit stronger when she tries biting me. Luckily, she has no teeth. She's just pressing her gums on the nipple for some reason.

«She confessed that she pretended to be crazy to protect her life. She couldn't trust anyone, so she treated the few that visited her like this out of habit. She wrote a letter to apologise, Thea.»

«At least, she told you,» I sigh. Even though she didn't have to wait to be dead.

«Why aren't you so surprised?»

«I'm very surprised but too busy to react,» I murmur, looking at the little ball already back at chewing. Is she going to continue like this until she starts eating?

Oh, my. She didn't have to take this from her father as well!

«Hey, little ball,» I whisper, parting from her for a moment. Her face is deformed by a grimace, and then she starts crying.

«You already knew, didn't you?» Alexander says, walking to me to take the child in his arms.

I wave and let Lavinia return to her meal.

«Be serious this time,» I command. She doesn't really care about my orders and continues to eat with greed.

«How did you notice?» he murmurs, sitting next to me.

«My guts,» I reply. «And her craziness had a pattern. It was too similar to how the late Emperor behaved... She was imitating him. It was not genuine. Even though I don't agree she wasn't crazy... Just not in the way we all think.»

«My wife is so quick-witted!» he says.

I roll my eyes and sigh.

«All the times she mistook me for my father... She could avoid it,» he sighs, then. «Not that I can't understand her position. But sometimes...»

«I know,» I murmur and caress his cheek. Lavinia is falling asleep in my arm, so I can use the free one to play with my husband's hair. «I wish she could tell you while she was alive.»

«But then, your insistence on visiting her had a second purpose,» he realises.

«No,» I correct him. «My insistence stopped after the first time I met her majesty. You didn't deserve such torture from a woman that pretended to be insane.»

«Yet you grew attached to her.»

«Yes, I did,» I sigh. I can't deny it.

«She wrote it here, look,» he says, jumping up and walking to the table. «Your luck brought you to have a wife like yours. Don't let her go, as you won't find any other like her.»

«You're not making it up, are you?» I say, narrowing my eyes. He is shameless, but he wouldn't use a dead woman's letter for his convenience... Right?

«No, read it by yourself.»

Indeed, the words are those.

«Alexander,» I say. «Burn the letter. You can read it once more if you care, but dispose of it as soon as possible. It's dangerous.»

«My grandmother said the same thing...» he starts.

Correct. It's among the last lines.

And what's that post scriptum?

«I've reserved a surprise for you and your wife?» I voice. «I'm not sure I want to know more...»

«Oh, it can't be anything bad. I mean, my grandmother wouldn't have left this world with a misdeed planned.»

«She pretended to be crazy for years.»

«Ah,» he moans. His arms stretch out, and I pass him the sleeping ball. Lavinia doesn't even notice how her parents traffic with her. What more, her face is more relaxed while in Alexander's arms.

Does she not trust me or what?

«She'll be good for a while,» Alexander says while leaning her in the cradle.

He allows a couple of maids in to attend to me.

«Let's prepare for the banquet,» he sighs, taking off the black shirt and choosing a dark brown one. He changes on his own while the maids walk to me and wait for orders.

«Are you taking off mourning clothes?»

«I have a baby,» he points out. «And my grandmother wouldn't have wanted it.»

Well, she did write it in the letter. Still...

«Thea, mourning is something that should help us get over the trauma. It's for us, not the rest of the people. Don't think about what people will say. Don't worry about the rest of the world.»

«Are you sure it's all right?»

«You're Archduchess Kyre. You decide.»

In the end, I capitulate and wear a brown dress matching Alexander's clothes.

«We don't want to attract negativity, do we?» he comments. «We have a daughter to protect.»

«Right,» I murmur.

«And you can cry for the Empress Grandmother if you want. I'll be here for you,» he reminds me.

It's true that I'm feeling sad about her departure, but we weren't close enough to cry. Maybe a tear or two, later if I have time.

«Not now,» I say. «When we come back, maybe.»

While the maids stand next to the door, awaiting orders, Alexander passes a hand through his hair, lost in thought.

«Don't leave this room,» he says. «Look after my daughter. If she starts crying, send someone to look for us. But stay inside.»

«Yes, my Lord,» the two exclaim.

«I'll leave my knights out of the door. And also, Katerina...»

«Yes, my Lord?» she voices, startled. She wasn't expected to be called out like this.

«You can't be more than a step from Vinnie. Am I clear?»

Kate turns to me, asking in silence what to say. I just nod, and she sighs, relieved.

«Understood, my Lord.»

«I don't expect anything to happen, but one is never too careful,» Alexander explains while walking out.

I lock arms with him and wonder if his concern has any cause to be. After the incident with the midwife, no one approached us with killing intents.

Not even the harpy dared to take a bold move.

«I hope you're right,» I reply, tightening my clench on his arm.

Not even his peck on my forehead helps me relax.