«How what?» I stutter, surprised. «What did I do?»

How does he know? I didn't talk about it with anyone, I'm sure of it. I didn't even do who knows what.

It happened once or twice. Thrice, maybe... I didn't count.

But every time, it was more out of loneliness than wish to feel good. It didn't even work in the end... I would just feel a thrill or two and then give up. Nothing to do with the way Alexander touches me.

It was more comforting than hot.

«Show me how you touch yourself,» he repeats, patient and shameless. As if there was nothing wrong with his words!

How could I do something like this? I'm not that desperate for pleasure to use such underhanded methods... Other than once or twice.

«Thea, don't make me repeat it again,» he chuckles.

I sit next to him and wait, wondering if maybe there's some misunderstanding. It wouldn't be the first time I think of the wrong thing.

«I'm not sure what you want, Xander. I've taken off my clothes, just as you asked me.»

«Yes, good. Now, use your delicate fingers to cause pleasure to yourself.»

I widen my eyes and open my mouth to protest, but nothing comes to mind.

I'm not capable of pleasing myself. I tried and failed, for goodness.

He puffs while falling back on the mattress.

He observes the canopy for a while. Then, he turns to the side and invites me to lie next to him.

What was he expecting? In what version of this story would I have just done it without a single complaint? What was he imagining?

«I'll show you how,» he says. «You better be a quick learner, Thea.»

He guides my hand on my stomach and makes me press my palm there.

«First, don't be too hasty. Give yourself time for every motion,» Alexander whispers to my ear.

The sound of his voice and his hot breath on my neck makes me shiver in need. Yet, I can't betray myself now.

«You should think of it like something relaxing. Just like a bath. Have you done this in the bath? The hot water makes it easier to relax. If you play with the difference in temperature between the air and the water, you can make it even better.»

«You sound like an expert,» I tease him. Before realising that he'll turn my words around.

«Yes, of course. I'm the one who knows my wife's body better, after all.»

Oh, my.

«Now, make your way towards the target,» he continues with his whispers. «One centimetre at a time. Find a pace you like, Thea, and take your time before reaching the destination... The longer you wait, the more you'll like it when you finally allow yourself to touch.»

He makes my hand slip in between my legs and retreats his. He leans on an elbow, waiting for me to continue alone.

Since I'm already here, I can't just back off and throw a tantrum. I'll get a prize for this, right?

I'll just do what he wants until he grows tired of this game.

I touch the small bud on top of my secret part. I found out about it when I first took a look down there.

A fine lady shouldn't know about how she looks, yet I stopped being a fine lady after being tied to the bed. Or maybe after divorcing.

Everyone says divorced women are naughty even after remarrying, right? That must be it.

I looked at myself and found the bud. I didn't touch around too much that time, but I did explore a few months later when the wait drove me mad.

Who knows if Queen Theodora had the same problem while anticipating for her Consort to come back.

I press the bud and sigh when a thrill crosses my spine. And, here it is. I'm done with it.

No matter what I do now, I won't get more than this.

«No, no, no,» Alexander complains. «I said you should take your time. Oh, Thea, how can you be so clumsy?»

«What?» I whisper, too ashamed to talk out loud.

What should I have done?

«You should know your own body better, my love. I should have taught you before leaving...»

«Why didn't you?» I rebuke. «Because you didn't want anyone to do this, not even me... You possessive Lord!»

«That's right,» he chuckles, happy to have been discovered. «No one can touch what is mine.»

He asked me to, for goodness!

«But it just so happens that your hand is mine as well, so I do not mind if you're the one touching.»

Oh, my patience. Can I have some help from the heavens?

«By the way, you won't obtain anything like that. Listen to your body, and try different ways...»

His hand reaches down to mine, and he presses his finger on my finger, making both of them move in circles around the bud.

«Make it unpredictable, and stay light with your touch,» he explains.

Oddly, this does make me shiver more. I even moan once or twice.

«Change pace, or change direction. Then, when you get used to it, return to your favourite pattern.»

While he talks, our fingers are soaked in my juices. I just bit my lip not to let him notice how much I like this, and here there is, my traitor body reacting like its usual.

«Now, when your finger is wet, you can risk moving further,» he continues.

Moving where? Sticking my fingers inside? I don't like that.

It's uncomfortable and becomes painful if I do the wrong thing.

«Slowly, Thea. At least until you learn how you like it.»

«You just happen to know it already, ah?» This hypocrite. He never goes slow! Why is he insisting so much on it now?

«Yes, I do. But now, you are exploring. I wouldn't like it if your haste were to ruin this moment.»

What does he think of me? I'm not in any hurry.

Just to get it over with and pass to the next idea, I stick my finger inside and wait for Alexander to nod.

However, he frowns.

«You don't like that angle, Thea,» he points out. «Give it some effort, come on...»

He makes me reach farther with my hand, bending the shoulder more. Then, from what he calls a different angle, he nods to tell me to try again. Oh, it actually does feel quite different. My secret part clenches on my finger, and I release a moan.

I move my eyes on Alexander while he beams. This time, he seems to approve.

As if his approval meant anything to my body, I quiver, and my legs tremble as the familiar yet forgotten electricity of bed pleasure crosses my tummy. So, this is how it's done...

I can feel the tension piling up, approaching a point where it'll invade my whole body, reach the tip of my hair, and make me scream in ecstasy.

It's there, I can feel it, it's just a second more...

I've almost attained pleasure when a firm hand wraps my wrist and blocks my arm on the mattress. I convince myself not to glare while opening my eyes.

«No,» Alexander murmurs.

What's the meaning of this?

«I don't want you to finish on your own.»

Ah... I'm earning the heavens with him, aren't I?