Chapter 85

Translator: HH Editor: HH

To be honest, I was completely out of it. So many things had happened that I didn’t know what was what..

“I’m okay.”

But after I said that, I stood up. Blackie was gone. No traces of his could be found. But I couldn’t feel any of this was real. It all felt like a dream.

“I’m going to get some sleep. I didn’t get a wink last night so I’m a bit tired.”

Lili opened her mouth to say something comforting, but she just left the room to let me rest.

After I was left alone, I just stood still there. But time continued to flow, leaving me behind.

That’s strange….why did it feel like all the sounds around me were disappearing? It felt like someone was taking everything I had.

My heart felt empty, and I felt like I was a little child left behind on the freeway.

I had never experienced this before, so it was strange. After a long time had passed, I muttered at my understanding.

“Oh, so that’s it.”

It was luck that suddenly appeared, so it was suddenly disappearing too. Like everything had gone back to normal.

I thought this situation was unrealistic, but the fact that I turned into Athanasia was unreal. ‘Emptiness? Feeling like something was taken from me?’

When did I start to have these luxurious thoughts? After getting things I wouldn’t have had not being Athanasia, did I feel like I was going to die without it?

When did I become this weak? I was hurt from this.

I, not Athanasia, was alone from the beginning.

Claude, Lili, Felix, Blackie, and everyone else in the Emerald Palace were things I got here. They were precious, but I could still live well even if they all disappeared. I could be unhurt if they all just disappeared one day. I should’ve been.

Yes. It was my mistake thinking this was all mine in the first place. Having all those luxuries made me this weak. That was why I felt like crying.

But this is right. Rather, everything I had up until now was strange. There’s no way I would be this lucky. It doesn’t make sense that I’ve been living like I owned the world until now.

My thoughts started becoming organized. My unsteady heart began to calm down.

Everything that was blocked up in my heart started to scatter like sand. My suddenly empty heart made me feel empty as well. But I wasn’t sad or hurt anymore.

In a way, this was a feeling I was used to, so I could be satisfied.

Blueie was crying to himself in the birdcage.

For a while, I spent my days like I always did. Now that I thought about it, this wasn’t too bad. Right?

My days like this would end once Claude regained his memory, so this was only temporary.

Even if it didn’t, what was wrong?

My goal from when I first opened my eyes in this world was the same. And that was surviving.

Everything that I had done until now was for survival. Pretending to be nice and cute. So I shouldn’t have thought it was real. Even if the time I spent with him was fun, I shouldn’t have forgotten the reason why I approached him.

Let’s see. So should I just live like this now? This is my specialty! I’m someone who spent 5 years not getting caught by Claude!

Also, Claude said he wouldn’t kill me unless he saw me, so this was better than living in fear everyday wondering when he was going to kill me.

And this isn’t the cockroach infested Ruby Palace, but the Emerald Palace!

Thinking positively, there weren’t any cons about living here.

All the maids were here, and I was still getting financially supported. So isn’t this the perfect life?

I thought this was the life I wanted so badly for 14 years. Compared to my last life, Claude forgetting his memory wasn’t even that bad.

Yeah, if this wasn’t gonna change, it would be better to just think positively.

So after that, I continued living like this.

All my meals were delicious, and in the remaining time, I read, took walks, and played with Blueie. I slept early in the evening until lunchtime the next day.

No one bothered me because they thought I was depressed about Claude and Blackie.

So I lived a comfortable life.

“Let’s see.”

[Magic is only able to be used by 10 out of 10000000 people, and of those, only 1 out of 10 people can control it. They can move objects and….]

It was a book that I saw multiple times already. I had already read it so much that I just skipped over the beginning. After, the first part was only theory, and I had already memorized that from when I was younger.

[Very simple beginner magic! Even the most stupid people can do it! Of course, if you have magic.]

Hm. It was a sentence that made me mad every time I saw it.

It was funny when I read it for fun, but it bothers me now that I’m trying to use it to learn.

I frowned, and turned the page. Yes. You might have noticed already, but I’m trying to use the magic in this book.

I thought about it over and over again, but the reason why Blackie disappeared was probably because I absorbed him. Didn’t Lucas say Blackie was magic that fell off from me.

Since Blackie disappeared when my magic exploded, I thought the magic had returned to me now. Until I decided to check for myself, I thought about it over and over again. And so that was why I was opening this book right now.

Let’s see, so how does this work?

I skimmed the book with a serious face.

One good thing was that to use magic, I didn’t have to say any cringy curses like ‘Loli loli loli pop! Take my Rose Blossom power!’ or ‘Darkness deeper than night, descend death upon my enemy!’

Thank you so much for that, god! For saving my cringing toes and hands!

If I had to say those curses that curled up my toes, I would have given up on my dream of becoming a Great Magician. And I wouldn’t be able to stop shouting at Lucas when he used magic in front of me.

I imagined Lucas shouted ‘Dark of black, death of void!’ and thought he was going to show up to kill me any moment now and stopped.

“Let’s see. They said I can just wish for the thing that I want in my head.”

There were a lot of words, but that was basically what it said.

Wait, but this was all? And wasn’t it only easy when speaking about it? They published this low-quality book? Then anyone can use magic if they follow the instructions!

Actually trying to use it to learn magic was extremely difficult than just reading it for fun.

I looked frustratedly at the book and just tried what it said to do.

The first section I opened to was ‘summoning magic’ that was relatively easy. It probably won’t work even if I try. Sigh. If there’s something I want, that would be money, or money, or money….

Even if I was born with a gold spoon in my mouth, I could never get rid of my desire for money because of my past life.

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