Chapter 110

KAILEEN ANDY LEWIS

I heavily treaded the path to my car, biting my lips as I tried to hold the crumbling feeling inside.

Reaching my car, I stamped the gas without any destination in mind.

I drove, gripping the steering wheel hard, letting my frustration out as I cried.

I cried and I cried and I cried —

I was biting my lips, choked at the burning sensation on my throat and my eyes went flooded with tears, impairing my vision but still I pushed to drive.

My chest was hurting, I can't even almost breath.

The next thing I know, I was knocking at Donna's front door.

[***************]

I woke up next morning feeling beat. My body was so heavy as well as my eyelids.

I was so sure that I opened my eyes fully but I can't damn see a thing.

I rested for a couple of minutes stretching my eyes. I realized that they were just swollen due to my crying last night.

Then after many stretching and blinking, I headed to the kitchen where Donna pitifully smiled at me and handed me a mug of coffee.

Right, I poured my heart out last night to the listening ears of my bestfriend and I felt better now— just a little though.

"I suggest, if you could still put up a face then bear with it a little more," Donna said when she sensed I'm not gonna be talking.

I knitted my brows behind the mug as I sipped my coffee.

"Final examination is a week from now, don't let Erika be distracted and miserably fail because of your fight," she explained.

'shit'

I haven't thought about it.

"And if you could still bear another more week until graduation ceremony, then please do."

"Let her atleast enjoy the bliss of wearing the black robe without worries in mind—"

"… then you can do whatever you want after that; shout, fight, argue with her or whatsoever."

'ugh'

I just stared at my friend, unable to say anything 'cause she has a point.

"Are you saying I'm going to pretend that everything is fine?"

"Yes, atleast until graduation ceremony is over."

'ugh'

'I'm sinking'

I stayed at Donna's place that entire day in my solitude— thinking.

By evening, I decided to go back home: home for me is where Erika is.

'damn'

[***************]

I went inside my apartment with no Erika in sight neither in the bedroom. But—

But I heard sobs, small cries coming from the bathroom and the gushing of the water from the shower.

I pressed my back on the wall beside the bathroom door and slid down on the floor.

Her cries were squeezing my heart to bleed.

'shit'

It pains me hearing her cry like that.

I waited for her to come out and make it up to her somehow.

Yeah, I'm willing to do that even if I'm crashing inside.

But she's taking her time in the shower— crying. I want to pounce the door but I never did. I just waited patiently outside then as if eternity ends, she finally got out.

A shocked registered in her face as she looked down on me sitting on the floor.

I extended my hand, gesturing her to pull me up which she did and I immediately gave her a bear hug.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

Then she hugged me back so tight, nuzzled into my neck and cried once again.

I held her.

I'm still angry and frustrated but I will keep it in. I will be strong for her even if it's killing me inside.

I will endure.

And I still fucking love her despite all the unreasonable reasons.

'tsk'

[**************]

Ever since that night, Erika and I haven't talked about the subject of her— going to Kanada. It has been three days since then.

I was able to convince her that night that we won't be talking about it until after graduation; that we still have a week to tackle the matter before her flight; that we should just focus on studying and spending every second worthwhile with each other.

Hence, we did— and it took everything in me to suppress my anger and frustration to myself.

I'm still angry and it's cracking my head and breaking my heart.

I could also tell that something has changed, that I was not able to fully composed my act and the façade I'd been building.

She often caught me in dazed, zoning, lost in my thoughts and every time— I just shrugged and smiled dryly that it's nothing.

But damn— she's not an idiot.

I know, she noticed it and felt it but she just didn't dare ask me or confront me because she's scared and she very well know the timing isn't right for any fight.

Two days more and we'll be taking our final examination. It would decide the fate of every graduating student. Hence, this time, a confrontation and argument surely isn't a good idea and she's not risking it nor am I.

So we just have to endure and hold it in as we wait for the right time which we both know—it's just around the corner.

'In the blink of an eye'

'tsk'