~~

Shawn

~~

I had not expected to spend the entire night talking to Dietrich, but it was surprisingly easy to talk to him. Dietrich wasn't a bad guy, which was a good thing. And he genuinely seemed to want to make this whole mate bond thing work. I just didn't know what was expected from me.

What was I supposed to do with Dietrich? Which role was I supposed to take on? I am not effeminate, not in the least. Yeah I may not be the extrovert partying type of man that most women think of when they think of a man in their twenties. But that didn't mean that I wanted to be wooed, wined and dined, and doted on like I was the woman in the relationship.

UGH! What am I going to do? This was going to be hard.

Then there was the mate bond itself. I hadn't known how strong it would be. It was like an instant pull. That connection, that sense of being complete just by being in the same place as the person on the other end of that tugging line of fate, it had its own way of making you feel satisfied.

The entire night that I had spent with Dietrich, all the talking we did, I never once felt bored. I never once felt like I couldn't wait for it to be over just so I could go home and read a book alone. That's how I felt with every date that I had had in the past.

NOT THAT LAST NIGHT WAS A DATE! No, far from it. Last night was just us talking, just us getting to know each other and trying to figure out exactly what was going on between us. It most definitely was not a date.

So, why then, was I wanting to do it again? Why did I feel like it was one of the best nights of my life even given the shock of what had happened to me? What was I thinking?

It was my day off today, and since I didn't get home until dawn I was taking advantage to get some extra sleep. That was, until I heard the pounding on my door that woke me up just before noon.

I dragged myself from my bed and shuffled like a zombie from the bedroom into the hallway, down to the living room, and then into the entryway. I didn't even care that I wasn't wearing a shirt, or that I was still wearing the black cargo pants from the day before.

When I finally made it to the door, the knocking now incessant, I was slightly pissed off. I whipped the door open and growled at the person who was standing there.

"What the hell do you want, Shane!"

"Someone obviously woke up on the wrong side of the vampire this morning."

"Fuck you!" I snapped at him as I stormed back into the apartment and collapsed onto the couch. The slate gray leather was soft and cool against my flaming skin, I could literally feel the blush all over my body.

"Seriously, you're gonna pull that shit with me? You were gone all night. I stopped by several times to check on you after you stormed off and you never came home. I tried until three this morning and still you weren't here. Don't tell me you didn't do anything." Shane was looking at me like he was pissed off. "Do you know how fucking worried I was about you, asshole?"

"Thanks for you damn concern, you're the world's greatest fucking brother. But I didn't do anything with Dietrich last night. I literally spent the entire night staring out at the forest and talking to him."

"The entire night?" He questioned me.

"The entire night." I confirmed for him.

"Dude, you're going to be a virgin for your entire life." He laughed and collapsed onto the couch next to me. "I can't believe you're still a virgin anyway. But I guess it makes sense, you are a prude after all."

"I'm not a fucking prude, I just didn't see the point in being with anyone until I found my mate."

"And now your mate is a vampire that is five hundred years older than you and has more experience than anyone on the planet, how's that make you feel?"

"Ngh." I grunted in frustration as I buried my face in my hands. "This isn't supposed to be happening."

"Well, there is one upside."

"What's that?" I looked at him between my fingers.

"He can teach you more than any woman you would have met here ever could."

"You're a dick, you know that."

"I aim to please everyone." He was grinning. "Oh, there's one thing I gotta know." He laughed at whatever thought was running through his head. I had a feeling I wasn't going to like what he was about to say. "He's the leader of the vampires, the Emperor right? Does that make you the Empress."

I didn't even bother with words this time, I just let my actions speak for me. My hand moved quick as lightning, striking him hard on the side of the face. The loud thud and dull cracking sound was highly satisfying. I hoped I had broken half of his damn face, maybe then we would finally look different.

"What the fuck? That hurt you damn prick."

"What did you expect with a comment like that, you moron." I screamed at him. "Stop making fun of me and my life. I'm stressed enough as it is."

"I didn't really mean it in the worst way possible. It's actually an honest question, sort of. He's the leader of the vampires, mates usually help to lead in that aspect, does that mean that a wolf now has authority over all but one vampire in the entire world?"

"I don't fucking know. And I doubt I will ever know."

"Why?" He looked at me shocked.

"Seriously, Shane, do you think this is for real? Could I have really mated with a vampire, and a male vampire at that? The whole point of a mate bond for us is to make us happy and allow us to have a family. So, why then, would the Moon Goddess make it impossible for me to have a family?"

"It's not impossible, not in this day and age. There are a lot of kids in the world who need a family, wolves included. And you could always find a wolf surrogate. I'm sure there would be a woman out there willing to carry your kids for you."

"Yeah, but then they would be half hers, genetically. And she might want to claim them as hers. That's not any better."

"I don't know what to tell you man."

"I think this is just some kind of big mistake, a cosmic prank. And in a few days it will all be over and life will get back to normal." I sighed and hung my head.

I honestly felt that way. I really did think that the universe made a mistake. I couldn't be mated to Dietrich. So, why did the idea of it all ending, all of it going away, and him leaving, make me so depressed?

Just the thought of Dietrich leaving and returning to Germany, just the idea of me being alone again, made me want to scream in agony. Is this what it was like to want to be with someone? For the first time in my life I wished I had had a relationship in the past so I knew what to do in this situation.

"I think you're lying to yourself." Shane looked at me with knowing eyes.

"Why do you think that?" I asked him, pretending not to understand.

"Because the look in your eyes tells me something completely different from your words."

"And what, oh wise one, are my eyes telling you?" I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know, but I would never let my brother know that.

"It looks like you're already starting to accept what you are to each other. It looks like just the idea of him leaving is killing you and that if he really did go you and your wolf would probably go insane, or follow him. It looks to me like you want to accept him."

I just looked at him for a moment, the truth of his words hitting me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't maintain eye contact with him for too long though. I had to turn my head and look anywhere but at him. First I looked over his shoulder at the soft blue-gray color of the wall and small pieces of art that hung there, then to the side at the massive bookcase, then at the black, slightly reflective screen of the TV, at the dark gray of the rug over the dark wooden floor, around and around the room at the different odds and ends.

"There's nothing wrong with it." Shane continued, causing me to snap my head toward him and look at him with disbelief in my eyes.

"What?"

"Seriously? You're going to question it. He's your mate Shawn, no matter what. You're fated to be together, there's going to be that pull for the rest of your life. So why fight it? Why deny it? Why not let yourself be happy? You know that with him you will be the happiest that you could possibly be."

"But we're both guys, Shane." My voice sounded pleading when I told him that.

"So what!" He snapped at me. "You think you're the first gay man ever? Get over yourself Shawn. You're a guy, he's a guy, so what. Be together, be happy, get married and do lover shit."

"You're so crude." I scolded him through my laughter.

"Says the prude." He laughed right back at me. "But seriously, there's nothing wrong with it."

"What are Mom and Dad going to say though?" I groaned as I threw my head back and slung my arm over my eyes.

"They won't care. They would want you to be happy."

"I don't know about that." I looked at him out of the corner of my eye moving my arm just enough to crack them open.

"They will. Trust me on that."

"I hope you're right."

I still had my eyes covered when someone knocked on the door. I groaned again, not wanting to answer it. I could already tell who was there.

"I'll get it, you continue sulking." Shane laughed, not catching the scent as easily as I did since he wasn't as attuned to it as I was.

"Oh!" I heard Shane's surprised voice from the entry when he opened the door.

"Good day to you, Shane." Dietrich's voice floated down the hall to me.