After hammering out all the details of our collaborative looting, Zian and Co. return to their tents, finally giving me room to breathe. My greatest worry was that they’d refuse and spread word of how I’ve taken former Butchers into my retinue. Although everything is aboveboard with the Mother’s Militia after the Magistrate gave them a full pardon for their ‘heroic efforts’ (though it was probably more to appease Jorani's deadbeat Ancestral Daddy), I’m not entirely comfortable with having our history put under a magnifying glass. If someone figures out Jester Wang was defeated by us at the fisherman’s village, it wouldn’t be a far stretch to assume I’ve been collaborating with Jorani long before his pardon, earning me yet another powerful enemy. While two-thirds of the Council of Sanshu have gone the way of the dodo, under the command of newly-promoted Lieutenant Marshal Chao Yong, the Eastern Prosperity Alliance is steadily growing into a behemoth merchant company as it devours the remnants of its former competitors.

Normally, I wouldn’t care too much about a puffed-up coin counter, but considering Jorani robbed him blind and hung his brother outside the gates of Sanshu (presumably all under my orders), it’s become a growing cause of concern. I mean, with Jester Wang and Dastan’s people, some might see a pattern. I’ve already been accused of being Defiled by the Shrike, so all it’d take is rumour and hearsay to turn public opinion against me. At the moment, I’m banking on my 'heroic' reputation to keep me from having to reveal Blobby’s existence to the public which would be a whole different headache to deal with.

I brought my concerns to Yuzhen, and though she assured me things would work out, I can’t help but worry. What can I say, it’s in my nature. I love agonizing over the seemingly endless list of people who want me dead. The stress is delightful, making me feel all cold and tense inside. The white hairs make me look dignified and mature, while the fear makes my heart race, which is great cardio. The stomach cramps are doing wonders for my abs and the paranoia keeps me alert and ready at all times. Losing sleep isn’t a problem, it’s a bonus; no need to waste time tossing and turning, I can meditate and train instead. This is great, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sigh.

What’s wrong with me? I can’t even enjoy my victories for more than a minute before getting all anxious and nervous again.

Poking me in the cheek, Lin wraps her arms around me from behind, resting her chin on my shoulder. “Why so gloomy Hubby?”

Her toothy smile brings me out of my funk even as Mila snorts and says, “He’s probably agonizing over giving away half the treasure. Why wouldn’t he? It was a foolish move, those Society brats should have nothing but scraps and he’s given them half the pie. With Gerel, Tursinai, Tenjin, Vichear, and Lin's guards, we could always...” She doesn’t say it, but I can tell she wants to threaten the Society brats, or maybe even something more... permanent. So cute yet so bloodthirsty, what have I gotten myself into?

Since she’d ignore my attempts to wave her over, I go to her instead. With Lin hanging weightlessly from my shoulders, I lift Mila off the ground in a shaky hug, doing my best to hide the strain. “Don’t be short-sighted my love. Fifty percent is a large share but it’s a small price to pay in the long run.” Especially if we don’t find anything. Jester Wang doesn’t know where Yo Ling’s treasury is hidden or if it even exists, a tidbit I’ve kept to myself. “Those four are the future of the Society, each one a successor to their sect or clan. This little excursion of ours binds them to us through cooperation and shared secrets, which means they’ll look more favourably on us from here on in. If one of their peers wants to start a conflict, after this, our new collaborators will leap to our defense without being asked, because we hold the keys to mutual destruction. Hell, after enough time passes, we might even become cordial peers. This is the first step in what I hope will be a long, uneventful co-existence.”

Huffing in feigned displeasure, Mila turns away so I can’t see her smile. She’s so adorable. Being heavier than most women subconsciously makes her unhappy, so she loves being carried. “Put me down, everyone’s looking.” Pinching my arm, she pouts as I comply, still unconvinced. “Why are you capitulating to them? The Society is not worthy of our friendship.”

“Nor are they worthy of our hatred.” Raising my voice so the others can hear, I explain my reasoning. “You both still harbour grudges and if I’m being honest, so do I. When they thought us weak, they hunted us like animals, putting our families and loved ones in danger for sport. If the situation were reversed, I know they wouldn’t offer us shit, and they might even try to get rid of us.” Hardening my voice, I continue. “But I am not them. I like to think of myself as a good person and I refuse to murder for wealth. I’d rather abandon it all and let Yo Ling’s treasury remain hidden for all eternity than sink to their level. They don’t like us and we don’t like them, but I’m willing to let bygones be bygones. If they see me as weak, then so be it. If they try to take advantage, then we'll make them regret it.” With my Beyblade Aura, I’m more than confident of handling Zian and his peers while Gerel assures me he can handle Jukai. If they have any other trump cards, well... We’ll see how it goes.

“Well said.” Fung chimes in with a dark smile. “If they refuse to drink a toast, we’ll force them to drink a forfeit.” It’s like he wants them to make a move, so aggressive and cheeky. Huu nods along in agreement, every bit as upset as Mila but too good a friend to speak up, simply going along with whatever I decide. I’m sure if it were up to him, he’d have forced the Society off the road so we could ride ahead, but doing so would only exacerbate the situation. I’m not sure if anyone else noticed, but none of the Society brats were surprised when I mentioned Yo Ling’s secret island. No, their surprise came after my ‘generous’ offer, which means they already knew about my plans. It’s no wonder they offered to travel together, they wanted a piece of the action and were ready to blackmail me for it.

It doesn’t matter. It’d be best if they kept our agreement, but I wouldn’t lose sleep if Yo Ling’s island becomes their graveyard. Despite our recent understanding, Zian still wants to take my head and while I’d feel bad about killing BoShui and ZhiLan, I wouldn’t mind teaching Sang Ryong a lesson or two. The arrogant bastard spent all dinner leering at Mila, Lin, and Li Song, and while I don’t mind him taking a glance or two, his undisguised lust was blatantly disrespectful, treating the girls like objects and not people. His disgusting behaviour has made me rethink my whole attitude towards women, intent on treating them with proper respect and dignity. No more ogling in the baths, only fleeting glances out the corner of my eyes.

I can’t not look. I’m only human.

Distaste and misgivings aside, I’m fairly confident this will work. The Society isn't the united power everyone thinks they are, as evidenced by Zian and BoShui’s behaviour during the Purge. While the Society as a whole will band together against external threats, their internal divisions keep them from growing unchecked and that’s what I’m relying on to keep things from going to hell in a handbasket. Zian, BoShui, and ZhiLan represent the three leading powers in the Society, respectively the Situ Clan, Han Clan, and Harmonious Unity Sect. All three are at odds with each other, while Sang Ryong from the Seven Star Sect is firmly in the Situ Clan’s pocket. This gives Zian an advantage, but not enough to unbalance the whole thing. If they tried to overthrow the other two, then BoShui and ZhiLan would unite against them, evening things out. It's a classic Mexican standoff, and I'm joining in to make things even messier.

Either way, I’m banking on their mutual distrust of one another to keep them from cooperating against me. If need be, I could even woo BoShui and ZhiLan to my side, since the Han Clan have outwardly supported the Behkai while the Harmonious Unity Sect have thrown in with Yuzhen, which is good enough. Politics, it’s so bothersome. I’d be completely lost without Yuzhen’s advice, so I’m thankful for the extra three days by her side. A terrifying woman, she makes it seem so easy. It’s a good thing she’s on our side and I only hope Gerel can keep her satisfied.

Come morning, we head south towards the lake with our ponderous wagons in tow. Despite my grievances at the slow pace, it gives me plenty of time to relax and enjoy myself. Leaving Rustram and Jorani to manage the convoy, I spend the day riding through the forest, hunting and herb-picking to my heart’s content. I don’t know how Zian and the others can stand spending all their time in those stuffy little carriages. To each their own I suppose, though I see a few advantages. Riding quins is comfortable but I’d love some lumbar support. Plus the carriage offers a private setting with plenty of room to stretch, meaning I could spend all day meditating and training, or snuggling with Lin and Mila. While I love Lin to bits, she’s been monopolizing everyone’s time, cuddling with me by day and with Mila by night. This leaves me little to no private time with Mila, but I suppose that’s how it’s gotta be with multiple wives. It’s not all fun and games, it’ll take hard work, compromise, and dedication to keep a harem happy.

Celibacy is no way to spend my second youth, but to be fair, I still think it’d be weird to have sex with Baledagh watching.

My little brother’s mood improves by the day, taking a turn for the better after getting rid of all those Spectres. Without their dark thoughts influencing him, he’s had time to really grieve for Ai Qing, dealing with his emotions on his own terms. It’s made him stronger and more resilient, and I’m proud of his progress. Despite being a mentally twelve-year-old spirit riding backseat in his own body, he’s dealing with things much better than I would in his shoes.

While his emotional strength grows by leaps and bounds, his physical strength isn’t far behind, rising with each purified Spectre he absorbs. One or two doesn’t make much of a difference, but we’ve purified more Spectres than I can count and the results are notable. After he woke, he sparred with each of my new sub-bosses and crushed them with sheer strength of arms. Even the impressive Ulfsaar the Voracious stood no chance against Baledagh, a formidable half-bear bandit almost as large as Vichear though sorely lacking in skill. While I might be able to do the same, my victories would be much less overwhelming and decisive without the use of Aura. Baledagh’s fighting prowess and instincts are above and beyond my own, maybe even surpassing Zian’s. Add in my new strength and I’m giddy with joy over how strong we’ve become.

Finally, I’m no longer an underdog, rising above it all to become... Top dog, I guess? It doesn’t sound too impressive, but whatever.

Nearing the end of the second day, Jester Wang leads us to an empty Butcher Bay outpost by a tributary of the Xiang Mi river. Expropriating the abandoned fleet of barges, we load the wagons and set sail, working through the night to reach Treasure Lake by morning and saving us days of travel in the process. Anchored in a calm, quiet bay, I stare out at the foggy lake where I almost lost my life, my stomach turning at the thought of sailing across them, privy to the knowledge of what lurks beneath its depths. Inside my mental plane, Blobby stirs with interest, emitting a sense of satisfaction and familiarity.

To think, my amorphous little blob has a sense of home. How sweet.

“Explain it again.”

In response to my demand, Jester Wang mutters something rude beneath his breath. “It ain’t so complicated,” he says, adding a belated, “Boss.” Discipline is a real issue lately, but I’ll let it be until we get home. By then, it’ll be too late for regrets once their hellish training begins, with nowhere for them to run. “We just gotta find the right currents and avoid the wrong ones. Simple as picking the right hole between a woman’s legs, ‘cept this time there’s a wrong choice, ha ha ha.”

For a guy nicknamed ‘Jester’, he’s not particularly funny, though he seems to think he is. I suppose that’s the irony of bandit names, like calling a giant ‘Tiny’.

“So how do we pick the right current? Can you map it out for me?”

Looking bashful Jester Wang shrugs. “Can’t say for certain till I sees it. The lake changes depending on the hour and season, but an old hand like meself can tell where not to go. We don’t want to be out in the centre but we can’t be staying to close to shore. So long as nothin’ goes wrong, we’ll reach the hideout afore lunch.”

Famous last words. “Let’s say, for argument’s sake, something does go wrong. Then what happens? Be specific.” Call me morbid but if I’m gonna die, I’d like to know how.

Another shrug. “Suppose we’ll find out together. Ain’t no one ever come back to tell the tale.”

Fun.

“And how many times have you done this?”

A third shrug. “Usually the Captain- err, Gao Qiu led the way, but if I haven’t seen him do it a thousand times, it’s at least eight hundred. Don’t you worry boss, you’re in good hands. Jester Wang won’t let you down.”

Fun. Fun. Funnnnnnnnnn.

Relaying the information to the others, we unanimously decide to allow Jester Wang and his comrades four hours to rest, seeing as they’ve been sailing all night. In fact, we insist they rest despite their protests otherwise, claiming to be ‘fresh as ox shit on a farm’. As I rise in the world, I’ve learned how important things like face and reputation are, and it’s starting to affect me in negative ways. A year ago, I would've probably laughed at the quaint colloquialism, but now, I’m resisting the urge to face-palm in embarrassment.

I don't like changing, but I don't have much of a choice.

The time passes quickly and I’m unable to convince Mila or Lin to wait behind, the former too stubborn and adventurous while the latter claims she’s safer than I am, able to leap to shore. She probably could too, she’s light as a feather when she wants to be. After warning everyone to hang tight, Jester Wang guides our barge out onto the current, the ship lurching forward with a burst of ass-clenching speed. Standing with one foot on the prow, he directs the rudder man with hand signals as he stares out over the water, while behind him, the other boats follow in our wake, this former bandit all that stands between us and death.

Sheltered from the harsh winds, Roc’s flock rides out the trip in relative safety, covered in canvas and tied down to the deck. Their harsh call is all I hear as we skip over the water at breakneck speeds, a chorus of derisive laughter heralding my incoming doom. Beneath the decks, the quins and wildcats chitter and yowl, unhappy in their cramped confines though I’d trade places with them in a heartbeat. My poor babies, I’m so sorry. I should have stayed down there with you, but Lin wanted to ride up here and I couldn’t refuse.

Fearless and ecstatic, my sweet wifey leans over the side rails with a massive grin, arms outstretched and braids flapping in the wind as I hold onto the scarf wrapped around her waist and shoulders. Nearby, her guards stand in bored relaxation, giving the impression of waiting on solid ground instead of this jarring vehicle of death and disaster. Holding my free arm, the only outward signs of Mila’s nervousness are the bruises forming on my bicep as her fingers dig deep into my flesh, her mouth set in a grim, determined line. Heart racing and legs quivering, I sit on deck with a rope tied around my waist, cringing every time the barge jolts or shudders while praying this oversized wooden bucket holds together.

No wonder no one ever found the Butcher Bay hideout. You’d have to be fucking suicidal to come here in the first place.

Trading places with Baledagh only buys me a few seconds of peace before he flees in terror, locking himself in the void and ignoring my pleas. Fighting back tears, I suffer in silence as our journey continues, the shore fading into the fog and erasing all frame of reference, only solid grey mist and churning white waters visible in every direction. Minute after minute, hour after hour, I ride this roller-coaster from hell as it cuts through the waves, twisting and turning through the rapids, sometimes even circling around before shooting ever deeper into the lake.

I want off this wild ride...

As if in response to my prayers, I hear a rumbling crash as the bottom of the barge scrapes across something hard. Everything comes to a grinding halt, and barely able to keep my seat, I pull Lin in close to keep her safe. Unable to speak, I hug my two loves one last time, cursing my greed and stupidity for consigning us all to a cold, watery grave.

Giving me a peck on the cheek, Lin’s cheery voice sounds. “Hubby, lets go. I wanna see the island.”

It takes a few seconds for her words to register, and I stand up to see solid land all around me. Nearby, the other barges appear out of the mist as the former Butchers pull them onto the beach, securing them with practised efficiency. Chuckling madly, Jester Wang raises his head high, thumps his chest and says, “See, boss? Ain’t nothing to it.”

With my shirt drenched in sweat and head dizzy with relief, it’s all I can do to keep from from strangling the smug bastard to death. ‘Ain’t nothing to it’ my ass, but I still need him for the ride back.

Then again, I could always take up a life of banditry and live here forever.

It’d almost be worth it.

Chapter Meme