The first day of Spring of the thirty-fifth year of His Imperial Majesty’s reign would forever be remembered as the most miserable day in Luo-Luo’s twenty-three years of life.

Sitting up in her too-hard bed, she wrapped herself in her coarse blanket and rubbed her arms for warmth, shivering from the cold morning air wafting in from the raised hole in her roof. Presumably, the hole vented smoke from a brazier she didn’t know how to light, though the brazier wouldn’t be needed if not for the damned hole, a dilemma she was certain she’d find humour in many years down the road, assuming she didn’t freeze to death before then. Gazing around the dim, desolate interior of her yurt, she fought back the urge to lay back down and weep until someone came to fetch her. Which could conceivably be never considering her Lord Husband’s attitude. It wouldn’t come as a surprise if he left Luo-Luo here to waste away in lonely insignificance, forgotten by all until the stench of her decaying corpse reminded them of her one-time existence.

Had there ever been a more tragic story than hers? Born into royalty but relinquished into service, she never gave in to despair and threw herself into her studies. Dedication and hard work let her stand out from her peers, but her astounding talent cast her back into the depths of obscurity to waste away her youth and innocence. Then, after six long, lonely years of enduring hardship and uncertainty, she finally saw a glimmer of hope on the horizon, only to have it dashed upon the reefs of reality and rejection, spurned on her wedding night in favour a pair of ferocious, over-sized, bipedal weasels and their brood of pups.

Oh, Mother in Heaven, have mercy on your child. Why must You torment Luo-Luo so?

Her Lord Husband was a callous, uncaring man to rebuff her on what should have been her happiest of nights, but to leave her without even a single handmaiden or manservant was cruel beyond measure. No one stood by the bed to greet her or bring her a robe, without even a basin of water or chamber pot to be seen. The only outfit she had left to her was the beautiful new dress she’d worn last night, which was draped over the foot of her bed, the singular piece of furniture left to her. The rest of her meagre possessions were still packed away in the palanquin, a predicament she only realized last night after she’d taken her dress off. Eyes filled with tears and chest wracked with sobs, she deemed it impossible to put her dress back on without aid as taking it off had been difficult enough, so she crawled into bed naked and cried herself to sleep.

While there was always the chance her wedding night would have ended in tears regardless of who she married, Luo-Luo couldn’t even console herself with the possibility of bearing her Lord Husband’s child. And after she’d been so bold too, storming into his yurt despite his voiced objections. Or at least she tried to storm in, cheeks blazing hot as she remembered how she, a woman of considerable intelligence and extensive education, had been defeated by a simple hidden latch.

A knock sounded at the door and immediately after, it creaked open just enough for Lin-Lin to slip in. Closing the door behind her, the adorable, girlish woman skipped over with a cheerful smile. “Morning Luo-Luo,” she said, hopping into bed and wrapping Luo-Luo in a tender embrace.

“Good morning.” The words came out as a croak and Luo-Luo flushed with embarrassment as Lin-Lin pressed her cheek against Luo-Luo’s barely covered bosom. Clearing her throat and looking away, she fell silent and shifted uncomfortably beneath the covers, unwilling to push the hare-girl away and uncertain if she should air her grievances. As charming and sweet as she was, Lin-Lin loved her ‘hubby’ fiercely and Luo-Luo was reluctant to lose one of the few allies she had, even if conflict was inevitable between two women competing for one man’s affection. Further complicating things, Luo-Luo had no one else to rely on as Mila, Li-Li, and Sister Alsantset were too unreadable, their actions unpredictable and their aid unreliable. Mother seemed charmed by Luo-Luo, but not only was she not present, like all mothers Sarnai was blind to the faults of her son, evidenced by her belief that her precious Falling Rain would treat his wife well regardless of circumstances.

Oblivious to Luo-Luo’s troubles, Lin-Lin gave a small, sleepy yawn as she nestled in Luo-Luo’s chest. “Wah, so soft and comfy,” Lin-Lin said, her eyes barely visible through her smile. “So bold too, sleeping naked. This blanket’s so thin, aren’t you cold?” While Luo-Luo struggled to come up with a suitable answer, Lin-Lin tugged at the blankets and snuck a peek at Luo-Luo’s breasts. “So pretty, pale and pink. Are they heavy? They look heavy.” Snatching the blanket away from Lin-Lin’s prying fingers, Luo-Luo covered her shame but the curious girl paid it no mind, already peeking down her own robes at her small, modest breasts. “Did you do anything to make them bigger? Hubby likes them big, but mine stopped growing.” Gazing up at Luo-Luo’s face, Lin-Lin’s eyes went wide with surprise. “Ah! Your eyes are all red and puffy. Were you crying?” Her hands shot up and covered her mouth as she gasped, her cheeks going red and eyes darting away. “Does it really hurt that much? So scary...”

Finally able to get a word in edgewise, Luo-Luo shook her head and reassured the endearing and naive girl. “No need to be afraid. Luo-Luo’s teachers all said the same thing, the first night shouldn’t hurt too much so long as one are adequately prepared for it.” Giving birth would be far more painful, but Lin-Lin would never have to worry about that. As Luo-Luo realized she might never either, a tear fell down her cheek and clung to her chin. “Not that Luo-Luo would know. Lord Husband didn’t see fit to consummate our marriage.”

“Hm?” Patting Luo-Luo’s back, Lin-Lin squeezed her tight. “It’s okay, don’t cry. Rainy’s the best, but you just met yesterday, ya? It’s better if you take your time and get to know each other.”

“But he treats me so horribly!” The words burst out of Luo-Luo like waters from a collapsing dam, unable to hold them back though she knew she should. His cold indifference to her charms, his scathing rejections to her advances, his cruel remarks about her size and more, Luo-Luo aired all her grievances through gasping sobs and pitiful sniffles, praying Lin-Lin would sympathize and not despise her. “... and then, despite all of Luo-Luo’s best efforts, he left without so much as a backwards glance, rushing in as if afraid his pups would catch cold. Is this to be Luo-Luo’s lot in life? Cast aside to whittle the hours away in a cold, drafty hut and ranked lower than a beast of burden? He hates me, I know he does. He only keeps me around because he has no way to get rid of me without incurring the ire of his Patron.”

And what a Patron, a man poised to become the next Emperor so long as the next dozen years went as planned.

On that terrifying mental note, Luo-Luo ended her rant with a shuddering gasp, worried Lin-Lin would spurn and castigate her for complaining. Resting her head on Luo-Luo’s shoulder, Lin-Lin sat in silence with arms wrapped around Luo-Luo in a comforting embrace. After long seconds, she giggled and said, “You’re so silly Luo-Luo. Rainy doesn’t hate you.” Tapping Luo-Luo’s nose, she added, “If he hated you, he’d get rid of you without caring about the consequences.”

That rang true enough. “... So Luo-Luo is not even worth hating?”

“No, silly. This is just how Rainy is.” Lin-Lin giggled and lowered her voice to a whisper. “The more you push him to do something, the more stubborn he gets, ya? You hafta make him come up with the idea to do it. Like, if I want a dumpling, I can’t hold out my bowl and ask for one. If I do, he sighs and calls me greedy even as he obliges, but if I stare at the dumplings really, really hard, then Rainy smiles while putting a dumpling in my bowl. Get it?”

Perhaps only innocent, lovable Lin-Lin would compare dumplings to intercourse. What was Luo-Luo to do, stare at Lord Husband’s crotch and lick her lips until he gave in with a grudging smile? Wiping her tears, Luo-Luo nodded in thanks and lied. “Luo-Luo understands and will work harder to win Lord Husband’s affection.”

Beaming happily, Lin-Lin giggled and replied, “No, no, you don’t understand ya? Work less hard! Leave him be and let him slowly come to terms with you. I learned that the hard way. I spent years saying I’d be his wife and every time he’d smile and say no. Then, when I was all sad and miserable because he’d been betrothed to Mi-Mi, he asked to marry me out of nowhere. He’s so silly, but he’s the best.”

Oh? This new insight was helpful. Perhaps Luo-Luo’s over-aggressive approach made Lord Husband view her as an intruder encroaching his territory. As for why her defenceless performance in the palanquin failed to entice him, it could be because he enjoyed the thrill of the hunt, unable to find satisfaction in being handed a prize. A complicated man, Falling Rain, but one Luo-Luo was determined to win over.

But first, she needed to remedy her living situation. “Lin-Lin, Luo-Luo must beg a favour of you. Might this one borrow the use of a handmaiden or a labourer?”

“Mm, I don’t mind, but my servants are all in Shen Huo. We don’t travel with or bring them to the village. Daddy says it’s too troublesome.”

“But what about all the workers at yesterday’s banquet?”

“Oh, we borrowed them from the Magistrate.” Even angry, Lin-Lin looked adorable, her cheeks puffed and eyes narrowed. “We can’t trust them though, since one of them poisoned hubby.”

“So you have no one to attend to your needs?”

“Mm, that’s not true. Daddy does my laundry, Rainy and Chary cook, Mi-Mi, Li-Li, or Rainy helps brush my hair...” As Lin-Lin rattled off the list of people who helped her every day, Luo-Luo’s heart sank in dejection and desperation, so worried about her survival she almost missed Lin-Lin’s question. “Why do you need a servant? Maybe I can help.”

Hoping Lin-Lin could find someone for her, Luo-Luo explained, “Luo-Luo has no clothes to wear, as all her luggage is still in the palanq-”

“Oh, I’ll go get it.” Running off with braided twin-tails trailing behind her, Lin-Lin was out the door before Luo-Luo could cry out to stop her. Concerned she’d be condemned for coercing the Bekhai princess into carrying her luggage, Luo-Luo quickly realized she had a more pressing issue to worry about. In her haste, Lin-Lin left the door wide open, exposing Luo-Luo to the world at large with only a light blanket to cover her naked body. Luo-Luo spent the next few minutes huddled beneath her blanket and flinching at every sound and shadow to cross her doorstep. Her heart pounding in abject terror, she alternated between visions of lecherous soldiers stumbling across her vulnerable self and falling upon her in lust, and an enraged Medical Saint dragging her out to be publicly shamed and whipped for daring to treat his little princess like a common porter.

When Lin-Lin finally returned, she wasn’t alone, bringing Mila and Li-Li to help carry the heavy luggage. Neither woman looked pleased, but Mila’s frown and Li-Li’s stony gaze seemed to be their default expressions, so Luo-Luo wasn’t sure where she stood. Thanking them all profusely, she tried to explain it wasn’t her idea, but Mila merely waved her hand and snorted. “We aren’t in the practice of keeping servants. Keeping non-combatants safe slows an army down and Mama believes speed and mobility are vital to victory. You’ll need to learn how to fend for yourself. Caring for Lin is burden enough.”

Rummaging through Luo-Luo’s things without asking, Lin-Lin stuck her tongue at Mila before pulling out one of Luo-Luo’s more conservative outfits, a traditional red, blue and purple broad sleeved shirt meant to pair with a long, loose skirt. “Here, put this on and then we’ll go eat. Afterwards, we’ll meet up with hubby, okay? Hurry though, the Conference is starting and Daddy says there’s gonna be a lion dance. I’ve never seen one before, they don’t have them in Shen Huo and the Bekhai don’t like music or dancing, only drums and fighting. So boring.”

Wavering from this world-shattering revelation, it took Luo-Luo long seconds to realize Lin-Lin, Mila, and Li-Li had no intention to leave Luo-Luo alone to change, the former two amicably arguing over the merits of percussive versus stringed instruments while the latter stood and stared at Luo-Luo with arms crossed and lips pursed. Was this a different type of bullying, some tribal induction meant to shame or intimidate her? Or did the Bekhai have no qualms with public nudity? Then why was Alsantset so against displayed bosoms? Mila and her mother certainly had no compunctions against it. And why did Lin-Lin seem to hold herself apart from the Bekhai? So many questions, Luo-Luo didn’t know where to begin.

Thankfully, only Li-Li watched while Luo-Luo dressed, and the half-cat warrior even stepped in to help without prompting, expertly tying the wide sash in a flowery knot. Twisting her hair up into a bun, Luo-Luo held it in place with a white-jade chopstick, put on her favourite earrings, and picked out a decorative pendant to replace the one taken by Lord Husband before walking out to greet the day.

After all, today could hardly be more disastrous than yesterday.

The four of them took seats around the campfire where four trays of food sat waiting for them, each one stacked with meat buns, fried dough fritters, a bowl of beef bone congee, and pickled turnips. Simple fare and far too much for Luo-Luo to finish, but the unfamiliar, fragrant smells had her watering at the mouth. With a snort of disdain, Alsantset took a meat bun off of Luo-Luo’s tray, took a bite, and said, “I see someone slept well last night. Had you stayed in a little longer, you would be right on time for lunch. Not feeling well?”

Sensing hostility, Luo-Luo forced herself not to back down and smiled, pretending not to have noticed the fearsome tigress’s scathing tone. “Not at all. Luo-Luo is in the best of health but thanks Sister-in-Law for her concern.” In six years of indolence, Luo-Luo had picked up a few bad habits like sleeping in, but it’s not as if Lord Husband had need of her. Either way, she marked it as something to improve upon, quietly roping Li-Li in while they ate and asking her to come wake Luo-Luo the next morning. Though possessed of a stern and dour demeanour, Li-Li seemed more than happy to help, her ears fluttering as she accepted Luo-Luo’s request.

Perhaps Luo-Luo was in better company than she thought...

Barely eating a quarter of the food offered, Luo-Luo’s actions earned Alsantset’s ire once more, but this time the tigress didn’t confront her over it, merely grimacing at the leftovers before tossing them to the bears. Luo-Luo complimented the taste and blamed her lack of appetite on her poor fitness, for although she was technically a Martial Warrior, she rarely practised the Forms, unlike the lovable twins giving it their all under Alsantset’s strict guidance. Little Tate wore a serious frown as he battled against imagined enemies while darling Tali danced about with a smile, her arms and legs almost fluttering in the wind. Both seemed very impressive for children their age, but Luo-Luo had little experience in this field.

Unlike Luo-Luo, Lin-Lin, Mila, and Li-Li finished everything on their trays, a formidable feat considering their slim, petite figures and taut, flat stomachs. Suddenly self-conscious of her soft belly and plump hips, Luo-Luo resolved to put a little more effort into her fitness routine. Perhaps she could even ask for help incorporating the Forms, so she would have something to discuss with the stern and militant Mila. One could never have too many allies, though from the looks of things, Mila shared Lord Husband’s misgivings and was far from pleased by Luo-Luo’s existence.

Their breakfast finished, Mila gathered up the bears and wildcats while Luo-Luo lent a hand in collecting the bicorn rabbits, but was more hindrance than help. The tiny, fluffy creatures were only too happy to leap into Lin-Lin’s or Li-Li’s arms to be placed in a pouch, but whenever Luo-Luo approached they screamed for dear life and scurried away. Turning to the largest rabbit, who was aptly named ‘Mama Bun’, Luo-Luo slowly approached with arms outstretched so as not to scare her. Thumping the ground in a spray of dirt, the large rabbit faced Luo-Luo but didn’t scream or flee, which seemed like an improvement, so Luo-Luo sidled closer at a slow and steady pace. She remembered seeing Mama Bun laid out across Lord Husband’s and Lin-Lin’s lap, a warm, friendly creature who -

In the blink of an eye, Mama Bun shot up from the ground with her chin tucked in, her two nubby horns aimed at Luo-Luo’s face. Only Li-Li’s timely interception saved her from a bloodied or broken nose, catching Mama Bun out of the air with one hand and uttering a stern ‘No’ before handing her off to Lin-Lin. Stricken with flashbacks of her encounter with the ferocious ‘Zabu’, Luo-Luo thanked Li-Li for her help and scurried out of the rabbit enclosure, standing off to one side and swearing never to approach any of Lord Husband's pets without someone to guard her nearby.

Even the rabbits were trained to defend themselves. What sort of monsters was her Lord Husband raising?

With this terrible start to her day, Luo-Luo followed her sister-wives to the beach, worried she’d never learn to fit in with these aggressive and war-like Bekhai. To make matters worse, breakfast sat poorly in Luo-Luo’s stomach and she had yet to use the facilities since waking. After minutes of silent struggle, she risked Mama Bun’s ire to approach Lin-Lin with a whisper. “Where might one find the facilities?”

Struggling to hold Mama Bun in place, Lin-Lin answered much too loudly. “Oh, you hafta go pee? The latrines are over that way.”

Blanching at the thought of relieving herself in public next to battle-hardened soldiers, Luo-Luo shook her head and whispered, “Is... Is there anywhere more private?”

Nodding sagely, Lin-Lin replied, “Oh, you hafta poop. Okay, mm... You can use hubby’s tent, that’s by the latrines too. Hehe... you’re like hubby, so shy. Come on, we can stop there on the way.”

Unsure if Lin-Lin was purposely teasing her, Luo-Luo soon couldn't spare the effort to wonder as the long trek to the latrines tested her intestinal fortitude and perseverance. When Lin-Lin pointed at the tent in question, Luo-Luo left the group behind and ran ahead, her dilemma made worse once she realized she had a wildcat bounding at her heels. Panic gripping her heart, she ran faster than ever before and burst into the tent, leaving the wildcat behind while she fumbled at the elegant knot in her sash in a desperate attempt not to soil herself in fear or urgency.

“Umm...Occupied?” Head snapping up at the sound of his voice, Luo-Luo was horrified to find Lord Husband squatting before her with a confused, timid look on his face and his pants around his ankles. Time froze as Luo-Luo gazed into his amber eyes, her mind screaming to leave but her bowels blackmailing her to stay. In the end, her bowels won out and with a frantic cry, she hiked her skirt as high as she could and ran behind Lord Husband to give in to her bodily needs.

The next thirty seconds were nothing short of mortifying, with blissful relief giving way to existential dread as she re-evaluated her choices.

All of a sudden, invoking her Privilege didn’t seem so bad after all.

Breaking the utter silence with a chortle, Lord Husband’s chuckles quickly devolved into hysterical laughter. Between pained gasps and raucous cackles, Lord Husband said, “You know... I’ve been told nobles have deviant tastes... but tandem shitting really isn’t my thing.”

The second day of Spring in the thirty-fifth year of His Imperial Majesty’s reign would forever be remembered as the most miserable day in Luo-Luo’s twenty-three years of life.

And it wasn’t even noon.

Chapter Meme