As the Azure Ascendants and their Runic Barge disappear into the distance, I release the breath I didn’t know I was holding and sag against Taduk for support. His arm already wrapped around my shoulder, he squeezes me in a quasi-hug and lowers us to sit on Ping Ping’s shell. The wind whips through my hair as the big girl glides through the waters of the Azure Sea, a surprisingly stable means of conveyance, especially since she keeps to the surface instead of diving down for a bite. Comfortable as it is, she has none of the usual high-spirited cheer she usually exhibits while out in the open waters, instead propelling herself forward with mechanical precision like she’s determined to get back to land as soon as possible. I wonder if it’s because she doesn’t like carrying people around or if it has something to do with the attack. Even animals can suffer from depression and I’m not sure if Ping Ping is mentally equipped to deal with something as heavy as Pong Pong’s Aura of despair.

Poor Ping Ping... Pong Pong will have to make it up to his future wife and maybe show her his loving Aura, especially since I’m too tired to do it for him. She may be ugly and packing on weight, but that doesn’t mean he can bully her around. Then again, I might be getting ahead of myself. I’m not even sure if Pong Pong is male, or if the little guy is age appropriate for Ping Ping. How does one check gender on a turtle? Do I flip Pong Pong onto his back and check for a dong dong? Now that I think about it, turtles have shells, so it’d be silly to leave something as vital as a penis dangling outside it. Does this mean I have to -

“Leave the turtle where it is,” Taduk Sends, his warning gentle as can be. “At least until we’re sure no one is watching. This is a secret best kept to ourselves, Rain my boy.”

Disguising my intentions by stroking Mama Bun’s twitching nose and Blackjack’s chubby cheeks, I leave Pong Pong unmolested in Mama Bun’s grasp and glance at Taduk in confusion. Scraping together what little Chi I have available, it takes effort to get my Sending through, even with direct contact. “Sorry Teacher, I thought it’d be okay since we left Lei Gong and the Tyrant behind. Is there a specific reason we’re keeping this secret from Guard Leader and Guan Suo?”

“Under normal circumstances, I’d only worry about the latter and his loose ties of allegiance,” Taduk replies, shooting Guard Leader a look of concern as she stands off to the side, still staring at nothing in particular. “However, I fear she’s not in her right mind after your new friend’s attack. I think it’s best if we give her time to come to terms with the experience before introducing her to the culprit responsible, yes?”

Good point. Guard Leader is not the sharpest tool in the shed and if she tries to exact vengeance on Pong Pong, I’d prefer she do it after we’re back on land and while I’m not carrying the tiny trouble-maker. Even though the adorable turtle already beat her once, not only was he literally in his element, he also had the advantage of surprise. Despite knowing how flexible Aura can be, I didn’t even realize we were being attacked by one until after it was all over, so I doubt Guard Leader figured it out any faster. Now she knows and can prepare for it, so Pong Pong’s Aura won’t be nearly as effective the second time around. Aura can’t force the subject to feel what emotion you project, it only shares it, a lesson I learned from Roc and Blackjack when they tore chunks off my hands despite being wrapped in my Loving Aura. So long as Guard Leader is mentally prepared for the influx of depressive emotions, she’ll put up much more of a fight in the second round.

Pong Pong might be tough, but I’m pretty sure Guard Leader’s Shark Exploding Punch will pulp him, shell and all. I’m not even talking about a special, ultimate move either, I’m talking about her normal punches which are powerful enough to explode sharks. Terrifying.

The mysterious, veiled Expert isn’t the only one dealing with gloom and misery. Seated at the base of Ping Ping’s neck, Guan Suo looks completely out of sorts, and not because his head is still tilted to one side. Shoulders hunched and head low, he gently strokes Ping Ping’s shell, more for his comfort than hers as he struggles with his emotions, ready to rage one moment before deflating the next. Then there’s my clingy teacher resting his cheek on top of my head, who is now on his third aborted attempt to strike up a conversation. He takes a deep breath, pauses, thinks better of opening his mouth, and sighs, only to repeat the process a few moments later.

Poor Taduk, Pong Pong really did a number on him. I’m sure he’ll be back to his chipper, eccentric self once he gives his sweet Lin-Lin a hug, but until then, I do what I can to distract him from his worries. “So,” I Send, relaxing in his embrace, “What’s the deal with Pong Pong?”

“...your new little friend?”

“Er, yea. You know, Ping Ping and Pong Pong, seems like a good fit.”

With a light chuckle, Taduk smooths my hair, and though a part of me bristles at being treated like a child, I also find it quite soothing. “Your strange naming sense leaves much to be desired, Rain my boy. As for... Pong Pong, you’ve seen what makes him special.”

“His Aura?” Big whoop, gimme a week and I can probably do the same thing. I look forward to clubbing my opponents over the head with self-doubt and insecurity. They won’t stand a chance.

“No, though it bears keeping in mind. I’m referring to his mastery over Heavenly Energy.”

Ah right, the tsunami which sank the Runic Barge. Can’t believe I forgot about that. Wait. “Heavenly Energy? Not Chi?”

“Indeed.” Sensing my confusion, Taduk asks, “Did you think Ancestral Beasts were the pinnacle of strength?”

“Well, yea. I mean, you said they’re creatures who’ve reached Perfect Balance and used Heavenly Energy to craft a human body.”

“And thereby losing the ability to reach Perfect Balance, a most puzzling conundrum to be sure.” Ever the teacher, Taduk poses yet another question instead of filling in the blanks. “So which do you think is stronger? A creature on the cusp of reaching Perfect Balance and infinitely close to learning all of Heaven’s secrets, or an Ancestral Beast who has already seen them, but has no memory of the experience from start to finish?”

...Great. So now I can add super powerful animals to the list of things to be scared of. “So you’re saying Pong Pong is stronger than an Ancestral Beast?”

Carefully choosing his words, Taduk Sends, “Perhaps, but that’s not why we must keep his presence a secret, at least not until we know more. Before today, I and many others believed Ping Ping was close to achieving Divinity, but having seen and felt Pong Pong’s power, I now see she still has a long ways to go. As you already know, of all the creatures to ever ascend to Divinity, the only common factor tying them together is the ability to give live birth. Tigers, hares, cows, rats, and more, there’s little else these creatures have in common, but one thing is certain. Never before has a lizard or bird drawn upon the Energy of the Heavens and formed a human body, and no one can explain why without mentioning ‘limits of Heaven’ or other such arbitrary nonsense.”

It’s hard getting Taduk to stay on topic, but as a fellow rambler, I spot the warning signs early on and gently guide him back on track. “So Pong Pong is about to reach Perfect Balance? Why does that make him so special? Everyone thinks Ping Ping is close too.”

“No.” Even though we’re sitting side by side and I can’t see his face, I can feel Taduk’s smile through his voice. “I don’t think he is close, I believe he’s already achieved Perfect Balance.”

“...Then why didn’t he make himself a brand new body? Isn’t that what everyone does?” What traits would a humanoid turtle keep anyways? Baldness? Ha. Maybe that’s it and Gerel’s half-turtle.

“That’s the thing, Rain my boy. I think he has.” Physically unable to sit still, Taduk’s leg is shaking so much, it’s a miracle he hasn’t worn a hole through his shoe. “Instead of crafting himself a human body, perhaps your little friend returned to his roots as a common turtle, which explains his diminutive size. I believe we’ve stumbled across an entirely different path to Divinity, one far more sensible than hares and wolves turning into humans I say, especially since the turtle has retained mastery over the Heavens. It also explains how their existence has gone unnoticed for so long. Without the dichotomy between human and animal instincts driving them to interact with human civilization, these creatures appear and behave no differently from their common counterparts. I myself wouldn’t have noticed if the turtle didn’t threaten me while hidden in Mama Bun’s embrace, and I was standing within arm’s reach. Think about it boy, how many Heavenly birds have we seen from a distance, or Heavenly fish have swam beneath our boat?”

Well, that’s... terrifying. “I hate to poke a hole in your theory,” I Send, although for the sake of my sanity, I’d really like if he was wrong, “But what if Pong Pong can use Heavenly Energy because he has a drop of Heavenly Water? With all the gloom and despair he threw around back there, I wouldn’t be surprised if he caught the interest of a Spectre or two.” Or like, a billion. Pong Pong was so gloomy, he even had an emo haircut until Mama Bun licked him clean.

“Right, right. Hmm... Or perhaps the droplet guided the turtle in his ascension, preventing him from making the same mistake countless other creatures have.”

“Hard to say.” Though I wish it were otherwise for reasons already stated, and because it’d disprove the Monk’s theory on why animals form human bodies, some nonsense about the wisdom of humans and our ability to rise above the Three Desires. Not because I want him to be wrong either, I simply enjoy pointing out flaws in people’s work and arguments.

What can I say. It’s a sickness.

Remembering I have yet to tell the entire story, I muster the tattered remains of my courage and Send, “Teacher, I have a confession to make. I’m the reason why Pong Pong attacked us.” Burying my face in Mama Bun’s fur, I come clean regarding my utter stupidity and how I used my Aura at random hoping to find Blobby, but instead found and enraged Pong Pong with my lies. I’d be mad too if the person who promised comfort and safety was aboard the ship which had been hunting me for weeks now.

When everything is said and done, I wholly expect a scathing condemnation, but instead, Taduk merely pats my cheek and Sends, “Well now you know better.”

“Again?” I ask, incredulous over his complete and utter lack of concern. “I almost got everyone killed, and that’s it?”

With a dismissive shrug, Taduk Sends, “Things worked out for the best, didn’t they? Nobody suffered irreparable damage, you made friends with a powerful creature who is a font of Heavenly Algae, and we’re one step closer to deciphering Heaven’s mysteries. Besides, there’s no point haranguing you over your actions. No one is harder on you than yourself.” Stroking my head once more, he adds, “You expect too much from yourself, you know? It’s arrogance to belittle your accomplishments and focus solely on your failures, as if success is expected and failure unforgivable. Mistakes are merely a part of the learning process. You’ve said it often enough, you learn more from a single defeat than a hundred victories.”

“Yea, but not all mistakes are equal and some should not be forgiven so easily.”

“Bah. Is this because I said the same thing about your near Defilement?” Amused by this most serious topic, Taduk chortles out loud before Sending, “On the day we met, Baatar shook me awake and said someone needed healing. That’s all he told me, so I was utterly unprepared to find someone in your condition. Appalled, in fact, to see a child so injured it would have been easier to list which parts were still in working order instead of all your injuries. Broken teeth and missing fingernails, cracked bones and diseased lungs, I almost broke down and cried when I saw you had more scar tissue than healthy skin.” Pulling me closer, he asks, “Do you remember the first thing you said to me?”

“Uh... I complimented your ears and asked if they worked?”

“That you did, and I couldn’t be prouder.”

“...Because I said something nice about your ears?” I know Taduk takes pride in his hare heritage, but c’mon now. Besides, I totally thought he was a rabbit, though I’ll never admit it out loud. Still can’t tell the difference either. Blackjack looks like a smaller, leaner rabbit with lanky limbs and upright ears, a little different, but not different enough to immediately tell apart.

“No, not because you asked about my ears, but because of how you asked. You say you almost became Defiled, but I don’t believe it. Never did. You caught their attention, but the Spectres never stood a chance. You’re too clever to believe their lies, too stubborn to accept them, and too strong for them to overpower. I told every one of those old fogeys in the mountains, but they wouldn’t listen and kept going on about exile or worse, all because they didn’t see what I saw the first day we met.”

Still unable to understand his point, I hesitantly ask, “...My injuries?”

“No, Rain my boy,” Taduk Sends, wrapping me in a warm hug. “Your smile.”

There are no words to describe how I feel upon learning the depths of his love and trust. Since admitting to my faults, I’ve always felt like a complete and utter fuck up, like I’d betrayed my family’s love and trust by almost falling to darkness. Without Blobby, I would have gone full Defiled and brought calamity down on the Bekhai, but never once have they brought it up or criticized my actions, so I’ve been beating myself up in their place because I’m too scared to ask why. Turns out, Taduk never believed I’d turn Defiled, not for a minute. He believes I would’ve been fine even without Blobby, believes I would have resisted their lies and come out unscathed, because he believes in me.

I needed to hear that.

Burying my face in his shoulder, I bawl like a child while he holds me close. “There, there, Rain my boy,” he whispers. “Everything will be alright.”

And this time, I actually believe him.

Chapter Meme