Everyone left alive in Nara was manaless. What’s more, none of them were adults, with some not even being teenagers. This was all they could do.

They could have never managed to bury all those people in time. The logical thing to do would be to perform the funeral in the old ways. Suddenly, I was certain that this was Adel’s idea.

I couldn’t even fathom how hard it must have been for them to go through the bodies of their families and friends and prepare them for the ceremony.

The long fire corridor was now almost upon me. I was standing by the edge of the river when I recognized Nessa’s robe on the first burning raft. I couldn’t make out anything else across the river—nor was I sure that I wanted to—but her unburning robe, a testament to Ched’s love, was simply glowing blue amidst the fires. It could not be burned or torn. It would outlast us all, just like his feelings for her.

As I was thinking of how much he loved her, a shiver ran through my body. I realized just how large the collection of floating funeral pyres was.

There were many improvised rafts of different sizes. Some of them were bigger, carrying a heavier load, while some of them so small that they would barely be able to hold a baby.

That thought sent another shiver through my body and my teeth started to chatter. That’s exactly what those small wooden panels were carrying. The children that were too young to receive their mana. The babies that were brought to Nara because their older siblings were taking part in the liturgy. What a horrible fate they had met on a day that was supposed to be a celebration.

Little Kalem, your life was stolen away before you could even begin to understand what living is.

My head ached with this thought and I was having trouble breathing. Only then did I realize that I was chest-deep in the water.

I must have paced toward them, toward my people, and in the process, I had almost drowned myself. I quickly turned around and began walking toward the undergrowth where the chest was hidden when my foot got caught in an underwater root. I lost my balance and fell, head first into the water.

The fall took me by surprise and I felt my lungs freeze as I inhaled the cold water of the river. I opened my mouth and managed to pull my head above water long enough to cough and take a deep breath.

Next thing I knew, I was under again, my body being pushed down the stream with enormous force. I knew about the strong and treacherous currents that the river had in certain places, but didn’t know what one should do once caught in them.

I fought and grabbed whatever touched my body as I rushed downstream. Just as I thought I would run out of air, I managed to push myself above water and take in another deep breath.

The next dive was even deeper and the current was colder and faster still. Maybe this was meant to be. It served me right to die in the river and have my body flow along with the rest of the villagers. I had failed to protect the people I loved yet again, so why should I expect to be spared?

NO! I couldn’t let Kai down. I fought to get out of the water again. Kai needed me. I had to live, for him more than anything. I managed to take another breath before being submerged and thrust down to the freezing bottom of the river.

I was not special. I was certainly not any more special than Ched and Nessa or Priestess Cheandra and Priest Imar. Not any more special than little Kalem. I did not deserve a life any more than these babies did.

The next time I felt the cold air on my face, I didn’t even have enough time to open my eyes or take a breath.

Is this how it all ends then? Am I to come in terms with my predicament and welcome my punishment?

My body stopped feeling cold and, in its stead, an utter numbness spread through it. My eyes were clenched shut, but that did not keep me from seeing things. I saw my mother and father smiling at me. I heard them call my name.

“Myriam!” came their distant calling, muffled as it traveled through the water to my ears.

Warmth began to run in my body and I welcomed it. Thoughts of being able to meet with my family again filled my head.

“Myriam,” my mother said again, this time in a more urgent manner and with a slightly more distorted voice.

I thought of what I was leaving behind. All the might-have-beens. The difficult—no, impossible—road I had chosen. I thought about Adel and how I had let him down, leaving him to bear the responsibility of the funeral all by himself.

And Kai, he would be lost and scared. Even so, what use would I be to him? What had I ever been able to do to protect anyone?

Why am I questioning myself? I had to fight. Nothing had ever been easy and nothing ever would be.

“Myriam!” I heard a cry which was louder than before, and this time it didn’t sound anything like my mother.

It was Kai’s voice. The sudden realization threw away any feeling of warmth from my body and the freezing sensation returned in full force. I opened my eyes to see that I was floating, being carried away on the river’s now more gentle waters.

Kai followed me along the bank, his golden skin glimmering under the moonlight and though his face did not show it, his voice sounded worried and urgent. I could not turn away from him. He needed me.

I closed my eyes again but could not see my parents anymore. The next time I opened them, I was swimming back toward the shore where Kai was anxiously waiting for me.

“I thought I lost you,” he said, and threw himself on me, not caring about the fact that I was soaking wet and cold.

“I…” I tried to speak, but the words would not come out, partly due to my shivering and partly because of all the guilt I felt for giving up.

Instead of forcing myself to speak, I decided to hug him back and I kissed the top of his head. When we disengaged, I took his hand in mine, and started walking.

“Where are we going, Myriam?” he asked.

“Take me back to where you woke up,” I replied, without looking at him.

I tried to forget the funeral fires that had passed through the river only minutes ago. I tried to forget the fact that I had almost given up on life and Kai, leaving him to face a lonely and painful life. I couldn’t do that.

I clenched his hand even harder and pulled him in front of me to encourage him into leading even faster.

“This way Myriam.” He started talking again. “You must be freezing. We aren’t far from the tree. That chest Myriam, it’s amazing. Did you craft it?”