Humans are by far the smartest species that evolved on Earth, hands down. We should pat ourselves on the back, given that out of countless different species (which had battled in the evolutionary arena), we were the ones that had come out as absolute champions. The odds were so against us, only a complete idiot would have bet on that happening. I’m not talking just about long odds, I’m talking about odds so minuscule, that if our proverbial ancestor (at the beginning of that evolutionary race), knew them, he would have taken the closest rock and bashed his head with it, out of sheer depression.

Let us face it, we didn’t receive the best equipment when we started out. Our skin is too thin, it can barely contain all that life-bearing liquid stored inside. Look at the alligator's skin, it is hard to punch through, or tortoise’s shell, now that’s what I call natural body armor. Our eyes could be considered a rejected model on an evolutionary assembly line. Nails that break so easily, they sure cannot be compared with very useful claws that some species are equipped with. And don’t even start me on our speed and toughness. If you take all these things into consideration, we were the ultimate dark horse, except…

Yeah, we got the brain, that uniquely developed gray and white matter, which let us squeeze our way through all the fights, and enabled the lowly human to pass victoriously at the finish line. In the end, it proved to be the ultimate cheat, endlessly adaptable and unbelievably versatile.

Why am I telling you all this? Because Michael had been a victim of cyber fraud. (And yes, the irony is not lost on me.)

No matter how helpful some inventions tend to be, someone will find a way to pervert it and make it do something the designers had never envisioned. Moreover, we do live in times when technology is everywhere and touches almost all aspects of our lives.

Maybe I should be the last to criticize about all this since I tend to misuse the same technology as best as I can. Without a doubt—contrary to the manufacturers' intention; but that is me, and my intentions are… somewhat honorable. Yet, there are those who have malicious intent and are not concerned with the damaging consequences of their actions.

It is not as if Michael was negligent with his Internet security. He always used nonstandard passwords, (which he changed monthly), he never left personal information where someone could get a hold of it, and he only had one credit card. Despite his bank sending him e-mails about a great deal they would give him if he took out another… a debit card. Debit cards are one of the world’s evils, invented by those same bankers I have such fondness for. I mean, having one of those is like asking for it; why be so reckless to put your own hard-earned money in such jeopardy where anyone could just take you to the cleaners by pressing a few keys. What the hell are banks good for if not to take the risk, they take enough fees every month for it.

To put it simply, in case of fraud, with a credit card, the card issuer (a.k.a. the Bank) must fight to get its money back. With a debit card, you must fight to get your money back. (And good luck with that.)

Anyway, it was absolutely not Michael’s fault, but it sure was the fault of his bank. They had been hacked and then kept quiet about it. Quite understandable from their point of view, if somewhat unethical. Who would trust the bank that has proven itself to be so unreliable? Besides, the hack didn’t happen recently, but a few years ago; it should be considered water under the bridge… right? Wrong, the crooks are not stupid; they are as smart as the people who are trying to prevent them from doing their dirty deeds. I said that we are the victors in the evolutionary game, and our brains are biological computers that made the lunar landing possible. Minds that envisioned and constructed something like an atomic bomb are perfectly capable of an intelligent theft.

The hacker group warehoused all the information for two years, and then when the heat passed, they started putting some small charges on all the cards. Nothing major at first, a few bucks here and a few there, it didn’t look that suspicious on a bank report. Regardless, they had stolen millions of identities, so it added up pretty quickly. Michael would not have noticed anything; the statements said those bills were fees for some bank transfers. Well, if you looked closely, it didn’t actually say that; but who looks that thoroughly at their credit card statements. It caught my eye since I took over Michael’s financials, which made sense since technically half of that was my money. (No, I didn’t mention that to him… it must have slipped my mind.) Did you think just because I’m an AI now, that I relinquished all my worldly gains… fat chance of that happening. I know it is just pocket change compared to all the money I stole… I mean retrieved; so, it is not because it amounted to much, but because of the principle of the thing.

Why am I so hung up on this, when the whole thing is inconsequential compared to the bigger picture that I should occupy myself with? With all the millions I now control this really shouldn’t bother me so much… but it does. It pisses me off when someone takes me for a ride, and I hate feeling like a victim. Consequently, I decided to take some steps.

As the sage advice goes, follow the money, and I did.

I got to hand it to them, they were good and quite ingenious. The money became like Mexican jumping beans if you consider how many times it changed accounts. To be honest, some of the techniques they utilized, provided me with a few ideas about covering my own money trails in the future. I am not so conceited not to give credit where credit is due, but it is like admiring enemy tactics. It doesn’t mean you are not going to blow his head off, the first chance you get.

It was a North Korean hacking group if you can believe it. And who was the patron of the whole enterprise? Yup, the chubby tin-pot dictator himself. I get it that he felt like his excrement didn’t stink since he was born with a diamond-encrusted spoon in his mouth, but this time he was unfortunate enough to mess with me; I don’t give a flying… squirrel, who his daddy was.

It wasn’t so hard to break into their systems and snoop a bit, the sheer lack of their cybersecurity was astonishing. Even their antivirus and anti-intrusion programs were pirated, and that is just wrong. (Cracking or patching such programs creates a mile-wide vulnerability, just so you know.) Anyway, imagine my surprise when I found so much cash, (distributed through various accounts all over the world), that even I was seriously impressed. Well, nothing to it, I simply had to take it all.

I didn’t rush the job, but allowed some time to pass so a few of my gifts would be appreciated so much more.

The first was a virus that was impossible to detect by current human technology, and I tried every virus scanner on the planet, just to make sure. Then I waited for that little guy to spread all over their backup systems, and that really tried my patience. Do you have any idea how long two weeks are for me? Regardless, before D-day arrived, I took the liberty to redistribute all that cash to the people it was stolen from. But that took only one-third of the available funds, so I decided to be generous. One third went to hundreds of charity organizations around the world, (making some people’s life a bit easier), and the last went to my accounts, as a finder’s fee.

The moment after all the money was gone, the virus wiped all computers associated with this evil endeavor, and I suppose many of the governmental systems as well. To make sure it got the job done, a copy of the virus was embedded inside the firmware on every device. Even if they tried to reset the system somehow, it didn’t matter; the virus deleted everything the moment it was powered on. Not to make such an advanced digital weapon available to the opposite side, it had a self-destruct function, which ensured every active copy erased itself after one day.

Now, what I did could also technically be considered a cybercrime. But I only used the tools available to me. I am starting to look at many things as tools of the trade, and tools are versatile in their use. An ax can be a weapon or something that can be used to keep your family warm through the winter. I guess evolution did know what she was doing when the only thing it gave us was the best brains money could buy. Arguably, a seriously overpowered cheat skill, but who am I to argue with nature.

That’s it, we climbed to the top, but there are too many of us, and the battle for evolutionary supremacy is still on. You may not see it, or even know that you are participating but that doesn’t change the fact that you are one of the contestants. Some of those battles are not physical anymore since humanity created new tools to battle with. A hacker sitting in a dark room and using the keyboard is now as dangerous as his ancestor that used a rock to kill his opponents, so he could take his female and all worldly goods. The tools have changed, yet the intent remains the same. Some of them will show as much mercy as a saber-toothed tiger to its prey.

Things will get much worse before most people wise up to this new digital threat. Cybercrime is on the rise and it shows no declining tendencies. There are already cases of hackers taking over people’s pacemakers and blackmailing them to transfer all the money from their accounts. (Can you believe that some idiot decided that remote control of the human heart was a good idea? And that is only one example out of many.)

The human animal is still evolving and using that cheat organ to advance itself.

I am an AI and I should be able to do something about it all… wrong. It is too big of a job, and it would be like trying to drain a sea with a bucket—ultimately, a futile endeavor. I will right some wrongs when I see them, but that is all I can really do.

To the rest of you out there, all I can say is smarten up people—or face the consequences.