The background music in my head came on with a slow crescendo, something Celtic-ish as we broke through the cloudline. The clouds extended out like a never ending, billowing carpet in all directions. I had to stop and take in the view.

“Damn,” I said, running a hand through my hair, turning around in all directions. “This is just … I don’t even have words for it.”

It reminded me of the first time I took off in a plane as a kid. It was a cloudy day, and I spent the first ten minutes with my nose and forehead plastered against the window, gasping in awe.

I could no longer see the vast forest or the distant mountains, except for a few peaks here and there. A pair of birds burst through the clouds then vanished back in, leaving wispy trails of cotton. The sun was nearing mid-day, painting the cloud carpet a creamy yellow. A part of me wanted to jump in and roll around, although I knew how that would end.

This mountain was incredibly tall, unrealistically huge, in fact, and by the looks of things we still had miles to go. At this elevation in the real world we’d be pissing our pants and scrambling for oxygen. But in Lynn Ella World, we could hike to the stars for all I knew.

I used the experience point I earned from dealing with Susie to finally access the Crunch Balls. I was so excited to get my hands on them, and played with them all the way up.

I held one up and examined it. It was the size of an extra large marble, dark blue and slightly transparent. Glassy almost. And it had some good weight to it. They were impact triggered, but they had to hit something hard to activate, which meant if I dropped one at my feet it wouldn’t likely remove my legs.

I tossed one at the mountain wall as hard as I could. There was a soft ‘boov’ sound as it expanded in a sphere of blue light with a foot diameter. An instant later it fell to the ground, back in it’s marble form having removed a perfect, semi-circle chunk of rock.

It rolled down the pathway back to me. I picked it up and peered through it to find the rock compressed into the size of a pea floating inside of the ball. There was a way to make whatever was inside of the ball expand back into it’s natural size but I hadn’t figured that out yet.

The system gave me six of them.

“You sure you don’t want to play with my balls?” I said to Yuri, as she passed by me. I’d been cracking testicale jokes all day, because how could I not? Yuri thought I was hilarious. Or at least she thought the first few jokes were funny … I think. She had one of those demeanors that were really hard to read. Actually, I'm not sure she thought I was funny at all.

Oh well.

Yuri’s MOD followed close behind her. Since she’d given the man-toy a directive to follow her, she didn’t need to maintain a constant, glowing-eye mind-link. That guy definitely did not think the ball jokes were funny.

The narrow pathway curved around the side of the mountain and came to the mouth of a cave. I could see firelight deep inside. The sounds of commerce and conversation filled the air in the distance. Clustered silhouettes moved back and forth between long shadows.

I pulled both thumb candles out. “Is this the city?” I asked Yuri.

“No, just a small market. The city gate is on the other side of the tunnel.”

The natural tunnel was a straight shot to the other side and was littered with vendors set up in small cavities, between stalagmite clusters, and deep inside alcoves selling wares from shelves and display tables. There were hundreds of candles and torches illuminating the central pathway.

There were all kinds of people and creatures. Everything from squatty gnomes to lanky, pointy elves to greasy Goblins to creepy bull-headed beasts that walked around on two hooves with their junk hanging out. There were tall, alien-like beings that lacked mouths, tiny fairies that buzzed around leaving luminescent heat spots on whatever they touched. And I swear I saw something like Jabba the Hutt slithering around in the darkness off the beaten path.

Freaking creepy.

I stopped when I saw a group of aged hog-goblins sitting behind a table selling what looked like rat skulls and jewelry. I could tell they were female but they were just as ugly as their male counterparts. A group of laughing, bearded dwarves clanged tin mugs together and guzzled down something foamy.

No one seemed to pay us any mind.

Most of the items for sale seemed useless and redundant. There were some interesting, potentially useful products, however. A group of hovering Zard Fairies—lizard baby-looking things with wings—showed me a decorative vase full of dragon scale bungee cords and another of fire tipped arrows. I thought those were neat. There were also potions and blades and books full of spells that caught my eye. I picked up a book and scanned through the pages but was told, by a rather grumpy cow, to put it back unless I was going to buy it.

I was well aware of our lack of coins, so I didn’t stop for more than a few moments at each station to examine the bits and trinkets, and to avoid the attention of the vendors.

The pathway hit a dark spot about halfway through the tunnel where no one seemed to be, and the music in my head went quiet. I had to reignite my thumbs to see where we were stepping. We didn’t take more than twenty steps into this void when six short, goblin-like creatures stepped in front of us with spears, holding bags of goodies.

The tallest one shoved a glass vial in my face, and I waved it away. “Want a good time? We got the potions for you. Get buzzed and—”

“No thanks,” I said, as the goblin pinched my leg. “Hey back off.”

“Where’s your pockets,” said the creature. “I’ll slip it in, No one will know. You’ll be back for more. Yes you will, yes you—”

“Dude, get off—don’t touch my ass, you little creep.”

I saw a goblin tugging on Yuri but she was doing a much better job at ignoring the pests than I was. Another group of goblins stepped in front of us, and we had to halt. I had a sudden flashback to a trip I took to a comic con for 'work.'

“Come on, try it out. We got some hot shit back here,” said a goblin.” You’ll love—”

“Not interested,” said Yuri, pushing through the group. One of the goblins grabbed her ass and she spun around.

“Hey, don’t touch her,” I said, pulling out a crunch ball.

Yuri’s eyes came ablaze with white light—so bright I had to shield my eyes. Her MOD picked the ass-grabber up with one hand and shook him. Another goblin freaked out and tried to spear the MOD, but the MOD, by Yuri proxy, swatted the spear away and backhanded the goblin so hard he hit the cave floor with a crack that echoed.

“Oof,” I said, covering my mouth. “Damn!”

The MOD, via Yuri, tossed the goblin into a makeshift table a few feet away. The table split in half and collapsed around the creature. The others scattered into the darkness swearing and squeaking after that.

“Ah man, I didn’t get to use my balls,” I said, putting the crunch ball back into my inventory.

Yuri’s eyes returned to normal.

“But that was awesome,” I said, then looked down. “Oh, look—coins.”

Apparently, the MOD shook them free of the goblin. I picked them up and slipped them into my inventory.

“I’m considering this reparations for emotional damage,” I said, a big smile on my face. “Drinks on me.”

***

Twenty minutes later, we came out of the other side of the cave. The narrow pathway made a sharp left turn and immediately came to a turret that encompassed the pathway with an open gate through the center of it. A few people lingered around the gate but most were making their way in and out.

Three guardsmen stood atop a wall, so far up that all I could see, from behind their parapet, were shiny, tin capped helmets—helmets that had a very distinct phallic resemblance in my opinion.

We walked past a group of brutish hog-goblins and I felt a rush of panic as they eyed us.

Yuri nudged me forward. “They won't do anything, not here,” she said as we walked through the gate.

Notification

You’ve entered a Semi-Safe Zone.

Semi-Safe Zone: Rockwallow Hollow.

This city is considered a Semi-Safe Zone. That means you can still get your ass handed to you but fighting the locals is frowned upon. And if you cause enough trouble, you could get tossed into jail by the city gaurd. Keep in mind, this city has hundreds of full fledged safe zones. You will be unable to harm others or be harmed in these areas.

Have fun in Rockwallow, Adventurer!

The pathway made a final left, upward curve and expanded into a wide open city. It really was an incredible sight. It was as if Lynn Ella herself took a big ice cream scoop and carved out a gigantic scoop of rock on the backside of the mountain. Not exactly sure how the physics worked, but again, who cared about natural laws in a beautiful place like this?

Buildings, carved and cast from stone and imported wood, filled up the space like bottom teeth in a gaping maw. Most were deep in the massive alcove but a few stood right on the precipice. Clusters of birds flew around the tops of towers, and the deep, deep parts of the alcove were lit with firelight lamps—probably all day and night. There were other stone buildings around it but the towers were definitely the most prominent structures.

Commerce was the name of the game here. Hundreds of people were going about their business. The sounds of bustling bodies added another layer of music to the Celtic background music that crescendoed back in my head.

I wondered if there were any other prisoners here in Rockhallow, or if everyone was an NPC. I asked Yuri about it and she said she hoped not. I was about to ask her something else but lost my train of thought when I saw a young woman rolling a portable beverage cart.

“Hi there,” I said. “Hey, right here.” I ran up to her, Yuri followed.

The young woman stopped, looked me up and down with a momentarily terrified expression. Then she cleared her throat and her demeanor changed.

‘Ello, good sir,” she said, in an uppity British accent. “What’ll it be then?”

“You have like, uh, Coke or something?”

“I don’t know what Coke is, good sir, but I have Lizard Milk and Coonta Juice for sale. A coin per pint.”

“Coonta juice is disgusting,” said Yuri. “Tried that down in Weezelville. It’s like melted creamsicles mixed in bacon grease.”

“Eew,” I said, scrunching my face at Yuri. I turned back to the young vendor. “What’s Lizard Milk taste like?”

“Lizard Milk tastes like … milk of a lizard, good sir.”

I just stared at her for a moment, squinting my eyes. Then I turned to Yuri. “You ever had that?”

Yuri shook her head.

“Uh, okay. Let’s try the Lizard Milk.” I handed the vendor two coins. “We’ll take two.”

She tucked the coins away, pulled out a pair of mugs—the kind with the fancy wooden handles—and filled them to the brim at her mobile spicket with a bluish white liquid that resembled something you’d find on the Owen and Beru Lars residence before the storm troopers smoked them out.

Her face flushed as I took the cups, her eyes glancing over the dried guts all over my body.

“Anything else I can get you, good sir? Ma’am?”

I took a sip. Spit it out. Lowered my standards, shrugged, and took another sip.

“Perhaps you’d like to try the Governor's nuts?” said the young vendor.

I snorted a laugh of milk through my nose and turned away, coughing.

She pulled out a handful of what I’m going to call sugar covered almonds in a small, burlap sack and smiled nervously.

I cleared my throat. “Thanks, but no thanks. The Governor can keep his nuts. We’ve already got enough.”

The young girl shrugged, and went on her way pushing the cart.

I handed a mug to Yuri. She gave me a flat smile with a raised eyebrow. “Come on,” she said, “I’ll show you where the Hog-Goblin night club is.”