Chapter 5: It’s peanut butter jelly time!

Mr Agar P.B Jelly was sitting on the floor of his wobbling translucent house, his gelatinous, round body sagged on the floor like a deflated balloon. He looked at the ‘computer’ in front of him, which resembled one of those old fat PCs from the 90’s and sighed. Mr Agar was from a race of slimes, while they don’t have faces, their body language is still an excellent communicator. By the time his species joined the void two years ago, they had already evolved speech by vibrating their jelly bodies against the ground to generate sound.

Mr Agar had high hopes when he first came here, he believed he would be able to make his technologically inept species thrive with all the new technology he had access to. But his hopes were soon snuffed out. His species main export to the void was their slime, which they shed yearly. At first, species were interested as each slime on his world had different properties. Some shed slime that acted as an excellent lubricant, while others made extremely sticky slime. His most promising slime was one that shed a gel which had rejuvenating properties.

The only issue was that such products were not uncommon on the marketplace, and most had significantly better effects. So, Mr Agar was only able to sell to worlds which were not very technologically or magically advanced. Even then his income was pitiable as the income he received from selling his slime was based off his share of the profits the buyer gained from selling it in their own world. It was obvious many people who initially bought the slime eventually stopped promoting it on their world or found a better alternative.

Even when he did introduce technology to his world, his people were simply not interested. They lived simple lives, eating sugar and reproducing. Mr Agar was only able to become more intelligent thanks to physiological enhancements he bought using credits.

Mr Agar did admit his business skills were subpar, he once sold his rejuvenating gel to an avian species which had a culture of beauty. However due to their feathers being made of crystal, the gel was unable to absorb into them which only led to wet, angry birds. Maybe I’ll just get a job at another domain, at least then I’ll get a stable source of credits, he thought to himself.

The depressed slime was about to move away from his computer and go to sleep before he received a notification.

[Hello Mr Agar, my name is Noah Valentine. I’m very interested in the slime’s you’re selling. Please get back to me if you are looking to do business.]

Mr Agar quickly hobbled back to his computer before replying, gloopy fingers massaging a keypad in front of him.

[Hello Noah Valentine, thank you for your interest in my world’s products. If you’d like, you’re welcome to come to my domain and test out the products yourself. I’ll send my address to your card.]

“Ohh! What a good day! I hope he decides to buy from me. I’ll have to put on my best outfit.” With that, Mr Agar P.B jelly bounced into his room to prepare.

Noah stretched his arms after sending the message to the seller. After searching for good starting products within Diamedius city, he eventually stumbled upon Mr Agar P.B Jelly. After doing a double take at his name, Noah looked into his listed products. There were many interesting items which held potential, but Noah was looking for something which he could turn into easy money on Earth.

Mr Agar only wanted 10% of profits gained from his slimes, which is why it appeared on the cheaper listings. After reading a frankly hilarious complaint from a bird who purchased a rejuvenating gel, he had an idea of turning his slime into a skin care product. I mean who doesn’t want to look young and pretty right? Noah decided to spend the rest of his day enjoying his new house, turning on the TV and lighting his fireplace at sunset.

The relaxing crackle and orange glow filled the warm cabin as night came. Noah flicked through the channels which seemed to show TV shows and movies from different worlds. The TV seemed to act as a form of advertisement as the worlds also had the name of their representative whom you could contact.

Moving onto the popular channels list he found Mr Morris’s name near the top, and what he found made Noah’s jaw drop to the floor. The channel showed a large map of an entire spiral galaxy and showed clips of planets across the entire system. From the way Mr Morris described his position, Noah thought he was just a CEO of a large company on a singular planet like Earth. He did not expect him to mean he ran a corporation that spanned an entire galaxy. The TV show put up clips of massive spaceships piloted by dogs hauling cargo between planets, jumping faster than light across the cosmos. Montages of futuristic architecture and cities that spanned entire continents. Ohh fuck, yeah let’s make sure I never piss him off, I’d rather not get blown up by some planet destroying death ray. Noah turned the TV off and put out the fire before returning to his room. After lying down on the soft bed, he quickly entered the land of dreams.

The next day rolled around and Noah prepared to leave his new cabin. He brought up the magical google maps again which led him to his domain before and set the directions to the address Mr Agar sent him yesterday afternoon. After walking back into the central parts of the city, he entered a station and boarded a super futuristic underground ‘train’ that apparently led to his destination. The fees were paid on a terminal inside the station costing 1 credit. Apparently, my life is worth as much as a train ticket, that’s pretty sad, Noah thought as he recalled the system only spending 1 credit to save his life.

Yeah I know right? Well jokes aside, the cost for saving your life will double after every time the emergency function is needed so costs can add up fast for species from dangerous worlds.

You know that’s just straight up mean, and I was going to give you a really cool name! Noah teased back as the train began to move.

A Name? but I already have a perfect name?

Noah was surprised at this, almost falling over on the train. Wait you have a name?

Uhuh, call me Mower. Mower Valentine

Oh fuck you to the moon and back you asshole. Noah retorted, his face turning red as he fell for the bait. He heard a faint chuckle in the back of his head as the train came to a stop at his destination. Putting the matter aside, Noah exited the station and looked around, finding himself in a suburb similar to where his own domain was located. From the view of the city centre in the distance, he figured he was on the opposite side of the city.

After 20 minutes of walking, Noah found himself outside of a giant ball of Jelly in the vague shape of a house. The walls were translucent, and he could see a figure moving towards the door from the outside. Mr Agar bobbed out the door, his blue body had a slight sheen in the sunlight. The oddest thing about it was that the 0.5m diameter slime had a pink flower attached to his head.

“Welcome! Welcome! Mr Valentine I’m so glad you’re here. Sorry about my outfit, I seem to have misplaced my purple flower, so I hope you forgive my shabby appearance.” Yeah, I have no clue what that means, I assume it’s some sort of slime fashion? Noah reached out his hand for a handshake on impulse to which Mr Agar grabbed it, his slimy hand having the texture of a jelly fish head. “Umm no need to dress up, it’s my pleasure, I’m very interested in your worlds products”. Noah replied with a slightly cramped expression.

The two entered the gelatinous house while Mr Agar went to prepare his product samples. Noah sat down on a couch which had the same feeling as the slime bags in Mr Morris’s domain. “Oh so you’re the one who sells the slime bags to Mr Morris?” Noah asked as Mr Agar came back with a tray of product samples. “Well although Mr Morris is a huge customer, sadly the cushion slimes cannot be grown and thus have little value apart from an individual commodity. Most species look for items they can produce natively as it is easier to integrate into their world.” Mr Agar sat down, his body a little deflated.

Noah looked over the various gels in front of him, his eyes landing on a golden pearlescent gel. “Oh, seems you’ve already spotted the rejuvenating gel. It is most effective on species such as yourself without stupid feathers made of crystal, those stupid birds still pester me about it all the time...” Mr Agar mumbled, visibly annoyed as he twisted his body around.

“It has anti-aging properties, although the effect is mostly cosmetic, it should be effective at healing your skin from burns, bruises etc. The effects can be strengthened or diluted depending on how much sugar is fed to the gel.” Noah nodded along to Mr Agar’s explanation. “So, I can grow it on my world just by feeding it sugar?”

“Sugar, water and exposure to UV light. Higher concentrations of sugar enhance the effect of the gel as we slime’s feed on sugar as our main food source. Do not worry, although the gel will grow according to how much it is fed, it is not sentient. This effect is a by-product of our species evolution.” Mr Agar demonstrated the effect by pouring sugary water in a cup and dropping some of the golden gel inside it. The gel sat at the bottom of the cup and slowly expanded, the water level simultaneously dropping. After 5 minutes, the cup was filled with gel. “Oh, and the way to stop the gel’s growth is to mix in some salt. The effects will stay the same but even a small amount of salt will stop the gel’s growth as it lacks the ability to expel the salt like we slimes do.”

After hearing about the ability to halt the gel’s growth Noah felt relieved. This would stop an unregulated propagation of rejuvenation gel spreading across the world. It would also allow Noah enough time to sell the gel and build up some capital for future projects without being copied easily. Reaching out his hand, Noah brought some of the golden gel onto his finger before rubbing it on his face.

The gel was pleasant and cool and after applying it, Noah felt a tingle across his skin. “Do you have a mirror?” Noah asked as he touched his face. Mr Agar bounced over to the wall, touching it, turning it into a mirror. “Woah, I look like I did when I was 12.” Noah commented in awe. This wasn’t entirely accurate, Noah’s featured had just become more baby faced as the gel had rejuvenated the pores of his skin. Any blemish on his skin, a side effect of puberty had disappeared. The effects would be much more pronounced on older people, as Noah was only 18, the effects were fairly limited. This is going to make catfishing easier huh… I’m sorry Earth.

“Hmm yes indeed, it seems the gel has excellent compatibility with the physiology of your species. When it’s used on us slimes, all it does is make us shinier. But it should work on all parts of your external body, including hair.” Mr Agar commented, twisting his body to the side so it reflects the light. Noah was glad he came here, if the effects were this drastic on him, he could only imagine the impact it would have on older people and those with skin conditions. “You wanted 10% of the Void Credits generated right? You have yourself a deal, this is going to be huge on my world.” Mr Agar was overjoyed. It had been extremely demotivating for him to watch his words assets be overshadowed and largely ignored by other species, and now he had found someone who appreciated them. “Excellent!” Mr Agar bounced with joy. “Is 1 cubic meter of rejuvenating gel enough to start with?” Noah thought for a moment before nodding, sugar was cheap so it wouldn’t be a problem for him to grow more gel.

“Yeah that’s fine, I see there are various other gels but for now this one will be enough, I only joined the void a few days ago.” Mr Agar was briefly surprised at how new Noah was, but he didn’t mind. A flash of light appeared in between the two where a large cubic tub filled with golden gel appeared. Noah put it into his inventory, and his card’s window appeared.

Wooh! Yeah! You made a deal. 10% of all generated Void Credits will be transferred to Mr Agar P.B jelly.

You managed to make this super anti-climactic huh. Noah complained.

Oh, how rude! Little Noah’s got a big mouth huh?

“Haah” Noah sighed. “Well Mr Agar it’s time for me to go. I’ll contact you in the future when I want to have a look at your other gels.” Mr Agar led Noah out the front door, waving his entire slimy body from side to side. “Come Again!” he called out as Noah walked down the street.

After returning back to his cabin, this time using the old car, Noah had some time to think about his future plans. First, he needed to generate some income. Second, he needed to create a company where he could sell the gel as a skin care product, and third he needed to ensure he could explain to anyone why his product was so effective. The third one was arguably the most important in the timeline and possibly the most difficult. He wasn’t that knowledgeable on chemistry and biology so he would be hard pressed in explaining to people how his product worked. It would also make getting a patent difficult and publishing a thesis on his ‘discovery’ would be impossible. Oh shit, I really bit off more than I can chew.

Well since you’re too stupid to convince your species you created the gel, I’ll give you a hand. You can spend credits on yourself to improve your body in the status page. You can improve your brain functionality and just go and learn the stuff you need.

“I want to thank you, but you still managed to squeeze in an insult at the start didn’t you.” Noah brought up his personal status and found it to be pretty interesting. He could spend credits to improve his brain functionality as a whole or a specific attribute like memory, reaction speed, cognitive flexibility, comprehension, emotional strength and focus. Although the only information the status provided was his race, age and current health.

The more credits you spend, the faster you can learn, but I’d say spending 50 credits to improve your brain functionality by 500% would get you to where you want. But be warned, improving your brain too fast and too often can cause serious side effects, even influencing your personality. There’s also an upper limit for how far you can boost yourself before you change into something else entirely.

Noah had 84 credits remaining so spending 50 was a big expenditure for him. But it was likely worth it. With his entire brain supercharged by 500%, reading through textbooks to absorb enough knowledge wouldn’t take too long. He was worried about the side effects, but Noah wasn’t about to turn himself into some super brainiac even if he did have the credits, since he could adjust it slowly over time to suit his needs.

As soon as Noah purchased the upgrade to his brain he dropped to the floor, his head felt like it was on fire. It was like every brain cell was being remodelled while at the same time being beaten in the head with a club.

After a minute of excruciating pain, Noah’s head cleared up as if the pain was just a dream. It wasn’t like he was all of a sudden smarter, but since the changes to his brain was so rapid, comparing his mental state from before to now was like comparing someone drunk to someone sober. His mind felt crisp and sharp.

“A little warning next time? That hurt like a bitch.” Noah groaned at the lack of consideration from his card.

If I told you it would feel like setting your head on fire would you have done it?

“Touché.” Noah conceded.

With the remainder of his day free, Noah decided to organise his belongings in his inventory, taking out his personal items and placing them in his fancy new cabin. He took out the old family photo of him and his parents, clearing the dust off the frame before placing it on his office desk. Once everything was taken care of the only thing that remained in there was the car, he ‘borrowed’ and the remaining $507 he managed to hide from his uncle.

“Ok I suppose it’s time I return this car and see if I actually can return to Earth.” Noah brought up his card, it began glowing gold, seeming to respond to his wishes. A white light filled the room as Noah pushed the card out with one arm.

Pfft. Hahahaha what are you a power ranger!?

Noah’s face turned cherry red. He wasn’t on Earth, no he was just standing in his office with his hand out, imitating an action figure.

You know one of these days you’re going to end up as my personal back scratcher.

Ok, ok I’ve had my fun, let’s get going!

And with that, Noah disappeared from the void.