When the phone rang Isaac kicked off his covers in a momentary panic, thinking that Arrangement was calling to bludgeon his already aching head with its psychic hammer. He realized the tone sounded different and he snatched up his cell phone as it buzzed and vibrated across the nightstand.

When he answered Lefse started barking in his ear. “What the hell happened on the fly job?”

Even as Isaac said, “I got the damn fly,” he jumped from the bed to make sure the little monstrosity remained imprisoned in its cup.

“You weren’t supposed to kill them all!”

“I didn’t. An assassin named Ms. Feckle showed up and did that. She was after the fly as well.”

Lefse’s voice softened. “That’s good to hear. I just got off the phone with the Head Librarian. He was pretty worked up, thinking you went on a murder spree. I told him you don’t kill people willy-nilly without a good reason. You’re just bad luck and lots of people end up getting killed anyway.”

Isaac didn’t really want to thank the librarian for the back-handed compliment but at least he’d stuck up for him. “If that’s settled, I’m going back to bed.”

“No can do. The fly needs to be here ASAP. It’s caused a bit of stir.”

“Fine. Fine. I’m on my way.” Isaac sighed and tossed the phone onto the bed. He turned his attention back to the fly. It didn’t seem interested in any escape attempt, or even in buzzing around its prison. Much like a tiny cow, it just sat there chewing its cud. Isaac had been tossing bits of whatever foodstuff he could find in with it and everything, corn chips, lettuce, crackers, sugar cubes, were readily gobbled up. It became more a game of seeing just how much it would eat rather than an interest in keeping it alive. Still, he was anxious to be rid of the thing and so he hurriedly dressed and headed out the door.

***

“That’s just hilariously gross,” Lefse said as he peered into the jar. “I think it’s looking at me.” He pressed a finger to the glass and snorted when the fly tried to gnash it. “These things would make great pets.”

“So, what happens to it? Arrangement have a bug collection?” Isaac asked. He lazily slumped in his chair. The aftereffect of the fly bite felt much like the day after having a bad flu.

“No. This little fellow doesn’t get cataloged. We’ve actually made arrangements to return it to his rightful owner.”

This woke Isaac up a bit. “Belial?”

“Yup. The Iron Ambassador is on the way to pick it up.”

Isaac sat up straight. “The Ambassador of the Iron Embassy is on his way here? Wouldn’t Ms. Feckle have worked directly for him?”

“Yup,” Lefse answered nonchalantly as he brushed the end of his beard back and forth on the jar and laughed as the fly moved and attempted to chomp in sync. “The Ambassador sent Ms. Feckle at the behest of Belial.” He showed the jar to Isaac as if the magician hadn’t seen it. “This thing is actually a lot of fun.”

“I’m distressed a bit about the lack of concern you seem to have. Did anyone here think maybe I should run for the hills?”

“Oh relax. It’s all been worked out. The Ambassador chatted with the Head Librarian. Back door wheelings and dealings. You know how it is.”

“I really don’t. But you have the fly, so I’ll just scoot on out of here and let you handle the Ambassador.”

“Nope. I was told that the Ambassador specifically wants to meet you.” Lefse continued making silly faces at the jar like it contained a very small baby.

The idea didn’t exactly panic Isaac, but he didn’t like such complications. He liked to finish his assignments, collect his pay and move along to whatever the next day held. Having a meeting with the mortal voice of Hell held no interest at all for him. “You have any clue why?”

“No idea. Maybe he wants you to pay for the damage to that Feckle character. Like, garnish your wages or something.”

Isaac remained

annoyed but had to admit he rather enjoyed that last joke, so he chuckled reluctantly before yelling at the man. “Will you stop making googly eyes at that bug for one damn minute?”

With a huff, Lefse set the jar down. “What do you want me to say? When the Ambassador of Hell wants to meet someone that person gets met with. He made the request to the Head Librarian, who frankly, was probably so thrilled at getting to talk to such a powerful person he agreed without hesitation.”

Isaac tapped the phone on the desk. “So, no one asked Arrangement directly?”

“We don’t call Arrangement. Arrangement calls us. You know that. And Arrangement hasn’t called to say anything about you.”

Defeated, Isaac slumped back in his chair. “You know anything about this guy?”

“The Ambassador? Never met him or even seen him. He has a lofty title, but honestly, I don’t even really know what he does. But he is the Hell equivalent of the Pope, so I’d guess he’s pretty fearsome. Two or three feet taller than a normal man. Horns. Fangs. Spiky tail. Sadist. Hung like a rhinoceros and probably a rapist.” Isaac finally held up his hand for the man to stop. “Aren’t you even a little interested in meeting this person?” the librarian asked.

“No. I’ve found nothing good comes from meeting these types.”

Lefse thought about it. “Yeah. You’re probably right.” Then he went back to the jar. “I think this thing can learn to mimic people,” and he started puckering kisses at it.

***

Several hours later Isaac awoke in Lefse’s office with his feet propped on the desk. He’d meant to prepare some kind of defense in case the Ambassador proved hostile but figured a conflict would be hopeless and just took a nap instead. Lefse was gone and had dimmed the lights for him when he left.

He had been awoken by some kind of ruckus. The librarians were scurrying like ants that had just had their hill stepped on. Something was up.

Lefse burst into the office and hissed, “He’s here. What’s your plan?”

Isaac shook the remaining sleep out of his head. “Huh? There’s no plan. You said we didn’t need a plan.”

“No. I said we didn’t have a plan. I didn’t mean you shouldn’t have a plan. You’re just going to wing it with Hell’s Ambassador?”

The magician was still too tired to again be upset with Lefse. “Yes. I’m just going to wing it. I’ll sit here until he comes for me.”

“In my office? You’re going to make Hell’s Ambassador come to my office?” Activity stirred in the hallway. Several librarians hurried by, looking back over their shoulders, attempting to satisfy curiosity as well as make sure they were out of the way. “Shit. Too late.”

Two men in black suits, indistinguishable from any bodyguard detail for any politician, stepped into the room and looked over every nook and cranny. “All clear,” one shouted back into the hall.

“Of course, it’s clear. Are you kidding me? These people are all bookworms,” complained a cranky, high-pitched voice, and in walked what Isaac guessed was the Ambassador of the Iron Embassy. Frankly, Lefse’s exaggerated descriptions fell way short.

He was a she and she was a little old lady. Maybe a tad over five feet tall, she walked with a cane and a slight hunch. Her brown pantsuit, while tailored to fit, looked like it she could have worn to celebrate the end of World War II.

“Which one of you kicked the shit out of my Feckle?” she demanded.

Lefse immediately pointed at Isaac, who then raised his hand slightly, like a child who didn’t want to answer a question in class.

“Ah. So, you’re Isaac Unknown.” The old lady looked him up and down and then cast her crotchety gaze at Lefse. “And who are you?”

“Lefse. I’m Isaac’s researcher. This is my office.”

“Lefse huh? Odd name. That your first name?” The librarian nodded. “I figured. Guess what. I already know your last name. It’s Out-in-the-Hallway.” She rapped her cane once on the floor and her men moved Lefse out of the office. “Now then,” the Ambassador maneuvered her way past Isaac’s chair. “No, no, son, stay seated. Don’t stand up like you’re in the presence of one of the most powerful people in the world,” she said, despite Isaac making no move whatsoever to leave his chair. She plopped into Lefse’s seat only to discover it was adjusted for the librarian’s larger size. From his side of the desk, Isaac could only see her from the nose up. If this scenario had occurred with anyone other than Hell’s foremost diplomat, he probably would have laughed out loud. “Ok, this won’t do at all,” the Ambassador complained and looked around the base of the chair. “Is there a lever or something? Or maybe get me a damn booster seat?”

“There’s a doohickey on the bottom. Just pull it,” Lefse offered up from his banishment in the hallway.

The Ambassador’s bodyguards jumped into action with an over-the-top enthusiasm and eventually found the right lever. The Ambassador provided so little counterweight that the chair rocketed up, nearly throwing the small woman off. Now she was comically high, as if sitting on a throne.

“Easy, knuckleheads. Just shoot me into the ceiling why don’t you?” she scolded her men. They apologized and set to task trying to adjust her down, but she waved them away. “Out. Out. Out.” The guards looked at Isaac. “He’s not going to do anything,” the Ambassador said. “Besides, even if he wanted to hurt me how would he reach me all the way up here?” The men did as ordered, and shut the door to the office behind them as they nudged Lefse back into the hall.

“Now then,” the Ambassador said, “you’re the fellow that gave my dear Feckle such a drubbing eh?”

“Not really. She fell off a building.”

The Ambassador chuckled. “That she most certainly did. And she also failed her mission for the first time I can remember.”

“Maybe you should bring this up with the Head Librarian. I’m just an errand boy.”

“The Head Librarian? Ha! No. I have no interest in talking to him. He squirms like a worm if I so much as blink at him.”

“Are you going to garnish my wages?” A joke. Sort of.

“You think I want restitution? Hardly. Ms. Feckle is easily repaired. I was just curious to meet you and it’s not often I get the chance to be curious about anything. I’m usually in a position where I know too much about everything. It’s taxing.”

Isaac could understand. He himself often wished he knew less. “So, the fly really belongs to Belial?”

“Indeed. Arch-Duke Belial.”

“Wow.”

The Ambassador waved a hand. “Oh, don’t be too impressed. While it technically belongs to him it was really just a message carrier from one of his minions to another. Not worth all this fuss. It’s more the principle. A devil of his status can’t allow such a transgression, even by accident.”

“I hope there’s no ill will here.”

“Not at all. The fly has been returned and it’s not like you actually saved any of the amateur demonologists. Feckle will be good as new. Sure, I had to take a long drive, but it was a good excuse to get out of the damn embassy for a change of scenery. This job really isn’t as exciting as one would imagine.”

Isaac initially wanted to point out that his assignment wasn’t to save any of the demonologists, but his ego didn’t require such massaging. “Sorry to hear. If being Ambassador to Hell is dull, I can’t imagine...” Isaac couldn’t even imagine enough to finish the sentence.

“Bah. If it was fun, it wouldn’t be work.” The Ambassador leaned forward in her chair. “Now then, the Iron Embassy generally keeps a pretty good tab on, well, everything. But our files on you were bare, to say the least. So, tell me, whom did you apprentice under?”

Isaac hesitated at the unexpected and very hated question. “No one special. Different teachers, here and there.”

“Now that I don’t believe at all. Maybe you didn’t put much work into that lie because you knew I’d see right through it. It’s clear you don’t like discussing it. But I also think most people wouldn’t believe you even if you told the truth anyway. They’d think you were lying or bragging. What to do then when your master is both a myth and a madman? ‘Keep it quiet’ I suppose is the best answer.” The old woman winked.

“That’s what I always go with.” It was a simple response, but her use of the word “madman” made his blood cold.

“Good. Magicians should have their secrets. Especially one of that magnitude. Now then, why don’t you walk me out? Maybe if I’m talking to you then all these busybody librarians will leave me alone.”

Flanked by her security Isaac escorted the Ambassador through the lobby to her waiting limousine. While it did nothing to deter the looky-loos, his presence did seem to prevent anyone from attempting to interrupt the Ambassador. More likely none of the librarians would have been brave enough to approach anyway.

Before climbing into the car, the Ambassador turned and extended a hand. “My name is Henrietta. Henrietta Murray.”

“Isaac. Isaac, Unknown I guess.”

The old woman chuckled. “This Arrangement nonsense can only last for so long. In fact, some of my finest diviners have predicted its collapse, although the specifics of such a calamity have been lacking. When it eventually comes crashing down all the traditional powers will go back to doing things the old way. The right way. When that happens, you come see me and we’ll find a place for you. It’ll be a hoot. Good pay, plus benefits. The H.R. department can be kind of a bitch though.”

Isaac thanked her for the offer and then asked in a subdued tone, “So what is Arrangement exactly?”

Ambassador Murray smiled then held both hands up, palms out, and muttered some kind of incantation. For a moment Isaac felt like someone had pulled a burlap bag over his head, such was the sudden loss of sensory input. In a blink, the sensation vanished as if it had never happened. “Sorry about that. I never discuss such matters without some kind of obfuscation spell. One can never tell when or how Arrangement is listening. But now we can talk. To answer your question, I can’t tell you what Arrangement is. I don’t know what manner of being operates those blasted phones or speaks in that ghastly voice. What I can tell you is what Arrangement does. It helms the valves of the world and adjusts the pressure as it sees fit. It ratchets the tension up and down, in matters great and small. To what end I cannot say. But that is its purpose.”

“So, what did it achieve with the fly? Feckle would have killed the summoners and taken it anyway. What was the point of getting me involved?”

The Ambassador smiled tolerantly as if Isaac were a dense student she couldn’t reach. “It had nothing to do with you. It was a message to us. It was a reminder to the Iron Embassy that Arrangement can defeat our servants and successfully interfere in our affairs. Much like your ill-fated vampire hunt made some powerful elders reevaluate their plans simply by torching a safe house. It was a reminder of who currently runs the world.” The old woman muttered, and the obfuscation dissolved, signaling the end of the spell as well as the conversation. “Be careful Isaac. You’re developing a reputation as quite the albatross. Wherever you show up everyone dies.”

As the limousine drove away Lefse ran out of the Athenaeum as fast as his bulk would allow. In between panting breaths, he asked, “So how did that go?”

“Complicated. Just like I said it would be.”

***

In the back seat of the limousine, Ambassador Murray lifted the jar for a closer examination of the fly. It really was the silliest looking little thing, as if whatever Hellspawn had designed it had been a cartoonist in a former life. She unscrewed the lid, reached in, and let the fly bite the end of her index finger. It ground its teeth back and forth until it tore the skin.

The Ambassador studied the small wound and the way the blood ran down her finger. She rubbed the cut with her thumb, sniffed it, and finally touched it to the tip of her tongue. Then she started laughing.

One of her bodyguards turned. “Everything alright Ambassador?”

“No wonder Arrangement returned it. The fly is empty.”

“Pardon?”

“Oh, it’s like opening an envelope with no letter in it. The message has been delivered. Or in this case, intercepted.”

“Should we turn around?”

“No. Take us home. Curious things are afoot and I’m going to enjoy being surprised for as long as I can.”