“Trivial note indeed.” Joe muttered under the breath and stood up straighter, even as he grinned down at her jovially. She wouldn’t be intimidated by this man. It wasn’t like the queen herself was going to waltz down here in this shoddy alleyway. And, gee, on that note…..

“Hello, Mister Nathaniel.” She began carefully. “Would you mind telling me why the Queen’s brother-in-law is working in a run down inn in this shady looking place?”

The man laughed again, and Joe resisted the urge to stab his toe with her boots. He was treating her like a frigging child! What was there to laugh at, dammit?! She might as well leave behind this villainess gig and make some money as a comedian out there!

“Heh, the young lady doesn’t really mince her words, does she?” Nathaniel asked in between short breaths, eyes crinkling delightedly. “You remind me of my son, that cocky little kid. Ah, but that’s a story for another time. Ahahaha!”

“Oh, but Nero doesn’t think that they’re anything alike.” Nero mused from his place. “If anything, Lady Joanna seems like the kind to overthink every small detail, you see? In fact, she doesn’t seem to act like a child at all.”

Before Joe could turn her face to grace Nero one of her patented glares, Nathaniel cut her off. “You’d never know, children grow up so fast.” He sighed wistfully. “Aha, but pardon me, my lady. Now’s not the time to answer your little question.”

He looked at her with a face so serious that Joe had almost stepped back in fear.

“As far as you are concerned, I am simply Nathan Evans, a humble owner of a ‘run-down inn’, as you put it.” The man stared down as his glasses glinted ominously. “Casually throwing around the name Nathaniel Fernandez around here could cause…., ah, some interesting problems for me, young lady.”

“So, what you mean,” Joe pressed on bravely. “..is that Nathan Evans is your alias when you’re working out in the streets?”

“Not quite.” He chuckled good-naturedly. “That, young lady, is my real name. You would never guess, but the one that’s actually an alias is the high and mighty Nathaniel Ivan Fernandez.”

Joe stared at him with an incredulous look on her face.

“Shouldn’t you choose something, y’know, a bit less conspiscious?”

He grinned mysteriously. “I dunno my lady. I’d say that it serves its purpose veeeery well. But again, this information is not something I should disclose to anyone, let alone to a pre-pubescent young girl like yourself.”

Joe crossed her hands across her chest. She should have taken that as a cue not to ask more funny questions, but sadly Joanna Stuart never had a very good awareness of danger in the first place. “Then why did you?” she asked tersely. “I’m that Joanna Winsten, remember? Was it alright for you to carelessly introduce yourself to me?”

She didn’t quite know exactly what kind of Joanna Winsten they were talking about, but she doubted that it was anything remotely close to a compliment.

Nathaniel (Or was it Nathan now? This was getting confusing, Joe thought) smiled back, all sharp teeth and narrowed eyes. “Ahahaha. I seem to have offended the lady, have I not?” he said, and there was something conflicting in his expression. “Don’t worry. The fact that Nero has vouched for you is enough for me to trust you for now. Besides, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You will keep this as our little secret, won’t you?”

Joe suspected that it wasn’t as much of a request as it was an order. She didn’t know how much power the esteemed queen’s brother –in –law would hold (quite a lot, she’d reckon), but it was hardly wise to test waters here. Besides, she hadn’t anything to gain by leaking out his real name anyway, now was not the time. She briefly glanced back at Nero. Just how influential was that man? What was he doing as an odd-jobs labourer in the Winsten manor anyway?

As if sensing her eyes on him, Nero stared back at her, unflinching and straight.

Joe turned her head so fast there was a whiplash. “I understand.” She told Nathaniel, who was still waiting for her answer. “I will not tell this to anyone outside of this room. You have my word.”

She stubbornly refused to give him the satisfaction of an upper hand. Joe remembered his earlier statement, and threw back the exact words at his face.

“And don’t worry, Mister Nathan. The fact that Nero has vouched for you is enough for me to trust you. For now, that is.”

Nathan Evans threw his head back and laughed again.

-------------------------------------------------

The ‘shady-ass inn of the shady-ass alleyway’, as she’d privately dubbed it inside her head, was surprisingly clean for a run-down place. Joe sat back in one of the old wooden tables and opened Lucia’s lunchbox. She wasn’t really all that hungry, but Nero had solemnly reminded her that this would be the first and last decent inn they’d stop by, and that she should get enough food and rest to last the whole night.

Joe was pretty sure that they’d be just fine, but she wolfed down the food anyway. Lucia’s sandwiches tasted about as salty as Mrs Tabitha’s omelets, but Joe remembered the mousy maid’s bright smile and finished the food without a complaint.

Nero himself was seated near the table counter, chatting softy with Nathan. His face had a genuine happiness that Joe was sure she’d never seen before. It made her wonder just how much of his words and expressions were just an act, and how many more faces was he hiding away from her?

A crooning noise interrupted her thoughts midway, and Joe scanned the place in confusion. She was sure that they were the only occupants of the room at the moment, and there was no one else in the vicinity. Right?

R-Right?

Nathan blinked; he must have heard the sound as well, because Joe saw comprehension slowly dawning on his face.

“Ahahaha. I’m ever so sorry. I didn’t notice that you were up already.” The man piped up from his seat and intently stared at something behind Joe. The girl had almost jumped up from her chair. “Did our voices wake you up, Pickles?”

Pickles?!

Joe whipped back to the direction Nathan was staring at. There was a silver birdcage hanging from a perch, in a dark corner of the place. She squinted at it curiously. How come she’d missed that thing when she’d entered the room?

There was a pristine white parrot softly crooning inside the cage.

Joe hopped off her seat and skipped towards the birdcage in glee. Finally, a proper little bird other that those shitty bubblebirds! She watched the parrot with a dumb grin on her face.

“That is Pickles, my lady.” Nathan told her, amusement dancing in his eyes. “He is my son’s precious pet parrot. Careful now, don’t bring your fingers too close to the cage. He is far more vicious than he looks.” As if on cue, the bird cocked its head to a side and hid its crown beneath the wings.

Joe was delighted at the sight. “Hello Pickles. Nice to meet you.” She greeted the bird with another dumb smile. “My name is Joe. How do you do?”

In the hindsight she should have realized that it wouldn’t quite share her lovely sentiments.

“Shaddap, dickless!” The parrot shot back. “None of yer fuckin’ business!”

There was a loaded silence, before Nero promptly burst out in laughter. Joe stared at the bird with her jaw hanging open, looking even dumber, if that were possible. Bloody hell, did she just get shat on by a frigging parrot?!

“I am ever so sorry, young lady Joanna.” Nathan sounded genuinely apologetic. “I shouldn’t have kept him in this place. Pickles is real pretty to look at, s’long as he keeps his mouth shut, at least. My son’s been teaching him all kinds of rude things behind my back, and goddess knows the boy gets a kick out that! The bird’s a quick learner, I’ll give him that!”

“…Well, your son’s got an interesting repertoire of words.” Joe mumbled. “I’ll give him that.”

Nero laughed harder, and Joe sent him a stink eye. What’s with everyone laughing at her expense today? Was she destined to be a laughing stock in this life? Where was the nasty aura of the infamous villainess? Did she even look like one?!

“Shaddap dickless!” Pickles sang from his perch, cackling gleefully at her face. “Ya look like a pickle gone bad!”

Well, that would answer her question.

“Pfft! Ah! Ahem, excuse me.” Nathan had a hard time stopping his laughter, but he tried to put up a serious face anyway. “Pickles is usually pretty quiet. It seems that being abruptly woken up in the middle of the night has put him in a foul mood, my lady.”

“……” Joe had had enough humiliation for today. She sent the bird a nasty look of disappointment. “It would seem that he’s plenty rude to begin with. Is there anyone around that he actually likes?”

The parrot perked up at the last word. “Kathy! Likes Kathy! Y’likes Kathy!” he sent himself into another fit of cackles. Joe raised a fine eyebrow at the bird.

“Kathy who?”

“Dickless!” The bird sang like a rambling madman. It seemed to have a good intuition of the perfect timing to deliver its verbal bombs. Must have had a magnificent bastard for a trainer.

“Who on earth is this Kathy?” She asked Nathan incredulously, who had a look of amusement on his face. He seemed like he was torn between laughter and exasperation.

“Well…. You see,” he began slowly, but Pickles cut him off again.

“None of yer fuckin’ business!”

Nathan snorted despite himself, and grinned apologetically at Joe. “There you go, young lady. I would answer your question, but it really isn’t any of my business, you see?”

Joe cocked her head in confusion. This was just a parrot, for Christ’s sake! What’s all the hush hush about?!

Mercifully, Nero steered the conversation in the more useful track before she spiraled into another bout of self-pity. “It is getting late, my lady.” He schooled his expression back to the serious, ex-soldier-with-no-bullshit face and stared down at Joe. “We should be heading out now, if we want to make it to the Western border before dawn.”

That snapped her back to good ól reality. “You’re right. I don’t want to make Lucia wait more than I can help it.” She thought back to the smiling maid and squashed the bubbling guilt in her stomach.

“What about Griffon? He’s been waiting outside since forever, right?”

“Ah, Griffon will stay back here, my lady.” This time it was Nathan who answered for Nero. “You shall be taking one of our steeds for your trip to the West. That is much safer anyway.”

“Eh, what?!”

This was news to her. When the hell was this decided? Why hadn’t Nero gone over the details with her? Why is she being constantly feeling more like a clueless idiot and less like nobility?!

There were too many annoying mysteries in the place, dammit! And it didn’t help that she was always rewarded with an ‘I-can’t-tell-you-now-maybe-later’ every fucking time she tried to ask the important questions.

“Lady Joanna can stay back if she wishes so.” Nathan said gently, unaware of the fuming thoughts swirling in her head. “I shall go with Nero to take a look at the stables. We require a sturdy horse for the rest of the journey, after all.”

But Joe was having none of that. “Take me with you too. This is my journey as well!”

The bespectacled man smiled at her words. “Well then, let us be off. It’s time I take you to meet Merlin.”

The girl visibly perked up at the word. “Merlin, as in the legendary magician?!”

“….Err, no.” Nathan gave her a look of confusion, as if she’d just proclaimed that bubblebirds grew on trees. “Merlin, as in the horse, my lady.”

Joe almost tripped on her dress, even as Nero opened the door for her.

Way to name a horse like that!