《Big Red Button.》The first snack.
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You eat the cupcake, wrapper and all.
And don’t die.
Shocking.
Now what?
You press the button.
Ding.
You don’t eat the cupcake.
It’s probably stale anyways.
Now what?
You press the button.
Ding.
The cupcake has vanished.
The lightbulb up on the ceiling has turned into a disco ball. There are now speakers in the top corners of the room, blasting out classic disco music.
Admit it, you know the words to this song. You know all the words.
You start dancing. You try not to, but the beats are undeniable.
Don’t worry, no one is watching. Not even me, I swear. I’m deff not recording you, you don’t have to be shy.
Ok so, while you were dancing your heart out, I went and had lunch. Thanks for giving me the time. I hope you enjoyed yourself.
Who am I kidding, you totally enjoyed yourself. I know, because I kinda showed a live feed to all my coworkers, and we laughed our asses off.
Sorry if that makes you trust me less. That wasn’t my intent.
Do you want me to change the music? Maybe get some line dances in the playlist?
Oh, wait, you’re probably really thirsty, aren’t you?
Don’t want you to pass out from dehydration. I mean, “danced to death” would be great as an obituary, but you have so much more entertainment value in you. It would be a shame if you died now.
Just push the button, and I’ll make sure there’s a bottle of water sent in.
Just push the button, and you’ll have water.
I swear nothing weird will happen. Well, ok, I can’t promise that, but whatever happens, water will be in your immediate future.
What, you want food too?
Ok, fine, I’ll make sure some food is sent in, too. What kind of food? I don’t know, it’s not my job to get you food! Your food will be provided by-
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Look, you’ll have food, and it’ll be edible, and all of your dietary restrictions will be accounted for.
Well, I don’t know what your dietary restrictions are, but you filled out that form, reme…
I mean… we just know. Magically. Because we’re smart like that, and have advanced science-y things that can scan your body and tell us that you’re allergic to whatever the hell you’re allergic to, and whether or not you’re vegan. Yep, that’s totally how it works.
Will you press the damn button already?
Aaaand you’re dancing again. I’m glad you’re having such a great time with that disco music. How long do you think you can keep it up?
Forever?
Yeah, I doubt it, dude.
Look, I was trying to be nice earlier when I offered the bottle of water. I don’t have to do that.
So either take your chances with fate, or press the button. I’ll give you five seconds.
Five…
Four…
Three…
DO YOU PUSH THE BUTTON?
Yes
No
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