《Keep Breathing》12. Back then - Part 3
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December 19, 2009 - 12:42 PM
Leo Kelly
I sat down at Marcie’s computer with my lunch and booted up MSN messenger. I had tried to call Wren last night after the dance but I assumed that she was already asleep by the time I got home. The moment I changed my status to online, Wren’s changed as well. Then a second later, for the first time ever, Wren messaged me first.
[Wrenahead says: Is that pic what I think it is?]
Wren never was one to waste any time on pleasantries.
[Leo~The~Lion says: I dunno! It looks like a teacher and a student, though. Doesn’t it?]
[Wrenahead says: u sure?]
I went into my email and pulled up the photo that I had sent to Wren last night. It took a long time for Marcie’s ancient computer to finally load it, but when it did, Wren had messaged me again.
[Wrenahead says: No. Fucking. Way.]
[Leo~The~Lion says: Wild right!]
I looked closer at the blurry, dark photo. If I was being honest, there wasn’t much there—nothing concrete at least—but there was no denying what it looked like.
[Wrenahead says: That fucking bitch!]
Why was she mad all of a sudden? I put down my lunch and started reading, then re-reading our conversation so far.
[Leo~The~Lion says: What? What’re you talking about?]
[Wrenahead says: Don’t you see it? That’s Mr. Davis! Tell me that’s not.]
[Leo~The~Lion says: I dunno, I didn’t get into Bio 30.]
[Wrenahead says: Right, I forgot you’re an idiot.]
[Leo~The~Lion says: Wow! Rude.]
[Wrenahead says: Whatever. I’m telling you, that’s Davis, and that in his arms? I know that’s that little bitch Eury.]
[Leo~The~Lion says: Eury? Who’s Eury?]
[Wrenahead says: That little black slut! Eury Morrissey! The teacher’s pet?]
[Leo~The~Lion says: Ohh, the doll girl.]
I wrote without thinking much. I hadn’t given that girl, Eury, much mental attention since fall.
[Wrenahead says: Doll girl? What the fuck are you talking about.]
Oh shit. Think fast dipshit.
[Leo~The~Lion says: It’s nothing. Just a stupid joke. Do you really think it’s her?]
As I tried to pivot the conversation away, I leaned towards the hot monitor. I could feel the static build as I did.
[Wrenahead says: I know it’s her. And now, everyone else will see it too.]
[Leo~The~Lion says: Everyone else? What are you talking about?]
[Wrenahead says: I’m just gonna take that bitch down a few pegs.]
[Leo~The~Lion says: What do you mean?] I instantly felt myself begin to sweat. What had I done? [Wren! What do you mean?]
[Wrenahead says: You’ll see.]
And with that cryptic message, she signed off.
January 4th, 2010 - 8:20 AM
Marcie decided to do me a solid and drove me to school the first day back from winter break. Even though she didn’t have work that morning, we still arrived only a few minutes before the first bell.
In spite of coming to school a handful of times over the break to help out Sully, it somehow felt like a brand new place that day. After the cryptic messages the day after the dance, I met up with Wren and she felt more like my girlfriend than ever before. A huge departure from the cool detachment that she usually had. So to say that I was actually looking forward to today would be a huge understatement.
I rushed to the east-hall, out of the school and to the backfield. I desperately wanted to see Wren again. But once I got outside, I saw that she wasn’t at the smoke pit. Instead, Wren, Teddy, and Jared were all in front of the old portables with someone I didn’t recognize. A freshman probably. And it didn’t look like this person was having fun.
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While we weren’t exactly “model students”, we weren’t really into shaking down kids for their lunch money either. But, with the way Wren had acted lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if she graduated to that sort of thing.
I got closer to them as the cold wind picked up.
“Is that how you got such good grades?” Wren shouted down at the kid.
She looked about ready to throw a punch, or maybe pounce on them. Although it definitely would not be the first time if she had, I’ve never seen her this angry before. When the kid didn’t respond, the silence just made Wren even angrier. And when Wren got angry, she was like a volcano about to explode, the pressure just silently built and built until exploding all over whoever was nearest.
Teddy jumped in looking to fill the silence with some cheap jabs. “Is it an arranged marriage or something? Don’t you people do that kind of thing?”
What the fuck are they talking about?
At first I thought it had something to do with grades like, I didn’t know, maybe she ratted on Wren or something. But then Teddy threw a spanner in the works and went on about arranged marriage? Jesus Christ. It was like watching two bipolar brain cells fire off at once.
“What are you talking about?” As if reading my mind, the girl finally responded.
I joined my friends and stood beside them.
“I mean, you are Mrs. Morressiey’s daughter, and it is like a whole thing between your kind, right?” Teddy accused her again.
It was then I realized who they were talking to. Eury Morressiey, the little doll.
She looked up from the ground. Tears ran down her cheeks, leaving a shimmering frozen streak down her face.
She looked kind of pitiful. Like a child, who didn’t quite understand what was happening.
“Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?” Wren shouted at her.
“Yeah! C’mon, say something.” Teddy said, getting in her face, then he grabbed her binder from her arms and threw it on the snow.
“Hey!” She said, turning around quickly to grab the papers beginning to get wet.
Teddy leaned forward and yelled down at the girl. “Why don’t you ask your husband-to-be to—”
I couldn’t stop myself. I shoved Teddy hard, knocking him into the snow-covered mud. He screamed from the cold shock, and probably from the pain of landing face-first on the ground.
I quickly ran over to the girl, only stopping to yell at Teddy, who was already getting back onto his feet. “Are you fucking retarded or something, Teddy? If you had two brain cells to rub together, you’d realize she’s not Paki, you dumbass!” I turned to the girl. “I’m sorry. You alright?” I said, offering her a hand up from where she knelt while she rapidly stuffed the rest of her papers back into her binder.
“I’m fine! Don’t touch me.” She swatted away my hand like I was nothing other than an insect buzzing over her. A moment later she had her binder repacked and was already scurrying away towards the school. I watched her go, just trying to make some sort of sense of what was happening.
“What’s your fucking problem, man?” Teddy shoved me back, but I managed to keep my footing.
“Yeah, what’s that about? Do you like her or something? She’s just some dirty fucking black girl. Why do you care?” Wren’s words stung like venom in my ears. I watched the girl speed away, holding herself closer than ever before.
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“Shut up! I don’t. I just… It’s just not… That was just too far.” I said, yanking my pack of smokes out from my jacket.
“You owe me,” Teddy said, wiping the mud and snow from his ratty jacket. “You know that my mom’s gonna yell about the mud.”
“Here,” I said, flicking a cigarette at him like a dollar to a pestering homeless bum. “Now shut the fuck up.” As I took a long drag, I made a point to avoid eye contact with Wren. There was no telling just how pissed she was and when she got like this. The last thing I wanted right then was for her to start yelling again and honestly, I was kind of pissed at her.
It was from that moment on I was made aware of that girl. I almost ruined her life and didn’t even realize it.
June 14, 2011 - 4:02 PM
For the rest of my junior and senior years, I worked to simultaneously avoid her and kept an eye out for her. There was enough guilt there that I didn’t have much of a choice. In the end, she ended up becoming just it—that girl. The person that everyone knew but didn’t really know anything about. Balancing that with skipping classes, my part-time job as a drug dealer, and trying not to piss off Wren, my life was more difficult than I could handle to be honest in addition to worrying about someone else. But eventually, it finally all came to an end. My day of reckoning was the final day of my senior year.
I arrived at the last day of the school reeking of pot and cigarette smoke. Having zoned out through every class, I didn’t even know why I bothered to show up. Maybe it was some sick need for me to rub it into my teacher’s faces.
Look! Here’s your biggest failure this year: your’s truly!
After that last day of school, I sold to all my customers one last time on school grounds—a tradition that I passed onto my juniors that year—then Wren, Teddy, and I all went and sat on that same rotten bench we had sat on every day for the last four years.
“God damn, that was cathartic,” Teddy said, blowing out the long drag he had just taken.
“Tell me about it. You know how long I was waiting to do that?” Wren said, turning over on my lap.
I always loved it when she laid in my lap, sort of curled up like a cat. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“How ‘bout you, Leo? What’chu do with all your stuff?” Jared, the junior member of our “after-school-club” asked me.
“What’s that supposed to mean, ‘my stuff?’” I said, taking a drag from my cig.
Wren sat up nearly knocking it out of my hand.
“Really?” She said with sneering smile. “You seriously didn’t clean your locker out? It’s practically four already!”
“Do I have to?” I asked.
“Only if you don’t have anything in there that you don’t want Mr. Aino showing to the cops.”
Oh fuck.
I broke into a sprint across the quad for one last time.
My locker was along the western side of the building—a long way from the shop hall that I would have preferred—and nearest to the science labs. Meaning that my kind of people weren’t seen here often.
Minutes later, with an armload of binders and doodled on paper, I walked down the hallway to the nearest trash can. After dumping the only evidence that I ever went to school here—and pocketing the only evidence I had drugs on campus—I began the long walk back to Wren and the boys. The sound of two people talking stopped me in front of the dark bio lab. They spoke quietly, so it was hard to hear exactly what they were saying, but I couldn’t help but be curious. An abandoned classroom on the last day of school? Of course, I was interested.
“In a couple of days it won’t matter anymore, so I don’t see why it’s a problem.” It was a girl’s voice. And if things were going where I thought they were, I couldn’t help but get a little excited.
“It’s a problem because I’m still your teacher. This is ridiculously inappropriate and I—” The man was interrupted. I wasn’t close enough to hear why exactly, but it was easy enough to guess.
Ho-lee-sheit. Not only was this a secret rendezvous, but with a fucking teacher too! I couldn’t believe it!
“Eury stop—this isn’t—stop!”
Eury? Why did that name sound so familiar? Wait, wasn’t that the name of that girl? The one who—
And with that, the last two years of half-heard rumours and gossip crystalized into truth.
I could barely contain the deluge of thoughts that followed the realization.
Mr. Davis, you are the biggest dipshit on the planet. Not only do you agree to meet with the one girl who it’s common knowledge has a crush on you. But you, the one male teacher in all of Sheridan county who has these suspicions flying around, decide that it would be fine to meet here, now, and that’s not even mentioning that you’re in the empty bio-lab, in the empty school after the last day. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He must be a genius.
“Stop it? Why?” Eury asked.
“Because it’s inappropriate. I’m still your teacher.” I couldn’t really tell, but it seemed almost like he didn’t even fully believe what he was saying.
"How about you stop. You and I both know that after today, you’re not my teacher anymore. You can’t hide behind that anymore. I know the truth, I know what your heart truly feels.”
“How? How can you claim to know what I don’t even know?”
“That uncertainty is exactly what I’m talking about! You wouldn’t feel like that if I was just your student.”
“But you’re not my student, you’re—”
“I’m what? Hmm?”
“You’re my friend.”
“Bullshit!” The girl’s voice echoed into the empty hall. “There’s no fucking way that I’m your friend after this. Make the decision right now, admit it or I’m gone. There’s no weaselling out of this now.” Eury got more and more agitated with every word. “This is all that fucking rumour’s fault, isn’t it? You know who’s behind it, don’t you? It’s that bitch Wren and her pot-head friends!” Her desperation was punctuated by the sound of choked-back tears.
“Eury, please. Just… Just try to understand, please. What you’re asking me to do is impossible. I just—”
“It’s impossible for you to say that you care for me? It’s impossible for you to be honest with me and reassure me that all the love I’ve felt for you over the last four years hasn't all just been a waste?” Eury said, reaching out for anything now begging for any scraps of emotion he had for her. And with every word I couldn’t help but feel for her.
“I can’t say that Eury, because it isn’t the truth.” The wavering tone in Mr. Davis’ voice gave away the truth of the matter. No matter what happened here, there was no winner. Even I could see that.
“Fuck you!” I heard a crash from within the classroom. Judging by Mr. Davis’ response, he wasn’t hurt. Not physically, at least. “I… I’m… Don’t.” Eury’s words stammered out between deep sobs. “Don’t touch me!”
“Eury. Wait.” Mr. Davis’ voice was quieter than before, like he didn’t really want to stop her. I can’t say that I blame him however, not after that shit show.
The girl that I had only barely known through rumours, gossip, and one terribly timed photograph stormed past me on her way out of the classroom. For a single moment our eyes met, and in that moment, I felt nothing but the utter despair and heartbreak that was surrounding the girl.
“I’m sorry.” I stuttered out, not knowing what else to say.
The moment I spoke, her face collapsed in on itself in utter agony. My heart broke at that moment. It wasn’t my feelings being disregarded, and I wasn’t the one being thrown aside, yet I couldn’t help but feel every single ounce of despair that girl felt when I looked in her eyes.
All that I could do was watch as she walked away leaving a dark scar of pain in her wake.
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