We reviewed the websites again. It turns out that the painting that I did would not work. All of the websites required a front-facing picture that gave a good idea of her face and looks. Which delighted her. “I haven't been a model since . . . Well, since about a week before I died.”

“You were a model? Of course, you were a model . . .” I said, despondently.

“Nothing professional. It was for a club. The professor who managed the club said that if I modeled it would bring more people in. And he was right. The first time I did it, the art club only had like four people. That doubled the next time I modeled.”

“So a bunch of guys came to ogle you and pretend to paint.”

“Some girls, too.” She said with a proud grin. “But even after that a couple of people stayed and learned a lot of neat stuff. So, it was a good thing. And honestly, I liked the attention.”

I considered this for a moment. There was nothing wrong with her flaunting herself. She had fun and that was enough. But even more than that, inspiring people to pick up a pen or a paintbrush is really cool, too. I know that almost all of my art was inspired by my sexual desires, as lame as that is.

“You think you can learn sign language?” I asked, pushing the subject away from it.

“Oh, def. I totally have an ear for languages. Always have.”

“I don't think an ear is going to help you with sign language,” I said with a grin.

“Shut up! Like, you know what I meant.” She responded, slapping at my arm lightly.

We continued to scroll through doll after doll, trying to figure out what the best options were. We even found a couple of videos on the various sites that showcase the looks of the various dolls and their . . . flexibility. There were so many. And apparently, they had different types of skeletons that allowed for different motions. Most of the dolls that we found were around two grand, which I could afford. But neither Lona nor I really liked any of them. They were all so creepy looking. Besides, if we were going to do this, we were going to want to make it as hard to figure out that it was a doll as possible.

A few of the sites had a chat function so that we could contact a customer service representative and ask questions live. Which was good, because we had a lot of questions that the little blurbs about features just did not give a clear answer to. I opened one at random that had a pretty wide selection, sure that I could at least get a few interesting answers from them. It asked me for an email and I reluctantly put in one of my alternate emails. I figured I would get blown up by the company trying to sell me the surreal torso with realistic tits and no legs. Which is admittedly not something I particularly wanted. The little chatbox asked me to put in my primary “enquiries” so that the agent could get started immediately. “Huh. I guess they're based in the U.K. Or using the U.K. English. Weird.”

“Yeah, I guess. Ooh. Ask about the legs. How far can they stretch? Can they do the splits? I always loved doing the splits and stretching out my legs.” She asked, leaning over onto me.

“You're aware that you won't actually feel anything right? It'll just be a doll.”

“I could feel a little bit. It isn't as good as the real thing, but I could feel vibrations and the warmth when you grabbed the doll. Like, it was weird. Kind of like wearing gloves, ya know?”

“Not as good as the real thing, huh? Think their slogan should be 'Almost as good as the real thing'?” I said, typing her questions into the chat box.

Chat Log:

You: Hey, I was considering buying one of your products, but I have a couple of questions about the features. How far can the skeletons bend? What kind of mobility are we looking at? Do they have the ability to do the splits?

System: We are connecting you to an agent right now. Please wait.

After a few minutes of waiting and us scrolling through other pictures. She would always get really close to the screen and examine the simulacra of the women.

“They're all so . . . Bulbous.” She commented on it. “Like their butts and their boobs and everything is so . . . Curvy.”

I shrugged and watched her, keeping an eye out for any signs of her getting upset again about her body. Er. Well, her lack thereof, I suppose. There was an incredibly loud beep and both of us jumped, looking for what had made the noise. The agent had come on and had started with a message.

Chat Log:

Nick: hey. so you wanted to know about how far the legs can bend and stretch right?

You: Yeah, I saw some of the pictures and the video, but it wasn't all that clear.

Nick: yea, which model were you looking at? The WM or the EVO?

You: Uh, it says the Jinsan skeleton.

Nick: oh, yeah. The jinsan skeleton. Here's a video of a review comparing it to another model.

I clicked on the link and started the video. It opened with a man with a thick Eastern European accent. I think the voice was modulated through some kind of voice changer, too. “So, you think you want to buy a sex doll. I own sex doll brothel and know lot about the sex doll. I am here to make you see the best way to make sure you are not ripped off! Most sex doll sites are scam! I made video for you to make sure you do no get ripped off!”

Each sentence was punctuated with a strange emoji. After the introduction, it transitioned to two dolls standing up and leaning against a table. The one on the left looked dazed and stared off into space, eyes unfocused. The other looked frozen in a state of perpetual shock that she would never escape. “These are two doll that I bought. Both sites I bought from say they are 168 centimeter. As you can see, one is shorter than the other. This may be the way I have them stand. Could also be factory defect. They also have big boobies. One says E cup, the other say F cup. As you can see, this is not entirely accurate. I think it was subjective in the molding process. They still very sexy.”

Chat Log:

You: This video is hilarious. Thank you.

Nick: oh yea, the voice. And the little sound effects. It's pretty funny. The information you are looking for is at around 9 minutes.

I continued to watch the video. The man starts comparing the feel of the skin and the look. After a brief description, he declares one of the dolls a winner of this section. And a trophy cup appears on the screen with a backward number 1 and confetti explodes behind it with the sound of children screaming. It reminded me of the End of Day sound from Five Nights at Freddy's. I started laughing uncontrollably and Lona just looked at me solemnly. “I'll explain later.”

He goes on to explain that one of the dolls has hollow breasts and the other has some form of gel pack. He says the gel pack feels more natural and that “The only difference from real boobies is that real boobies are warm.”

At that, both of us start laughing. We have to pause the videos.

“John, did you know real boobs are warm?”

“I did not, this is incredibly informative.”

After we calm down, we start the video again and he goes on to compare their hands. The dolls' hands honestly look pretty awful. They are vaguely amorphous and not well articulated at all. I thought to myself. He goes on to explain that they're just wires that can be manipulated kind of, but one of them literally goes back into the base position after a few minutes unless you really force them into place.

“Oh, I don't like that. You'd never be able to do sign language like that.” I said, gesturing at the screen.

“Yeah, that's not good. I wonder if they have any other options.” Lona responds, flexing her fingers. Switching tabs, I ask my new friend Nick.

Chat Log:

You: Hey, Nick. I don't like that the hands can't really hold anything and look kind of . . . Blobby. Are there any other options?

Nick: oh, you're into that huh? Gotta love a good handy haha.

I laugh a little bit and while I was distracted, Lona stole the computer.

You: Oh yeah, I really love handys. Can't get enough of them. Just that smooth skin.

I fight her over the computer and type a bunch of nonsense and accidentally post it into the chat. “What are you doing?”

“Fucking with you,” Lona said with a grin. “Gotta have some fun if you're not going to take advantage of the situation.

Nick: sorry, what was that?

You: Sorry, my friend thinks she's funny and stole my laptop. So, about those hand options?

Nick: oh, yeah. Not on that model there are more expensive models that run around 6k that would have fully articulated hands.

The customer service representative sent several pictures that showed the metal skeleton hands. They looked cool as hell. Kind of like the Terminator when he rips his flesh mask off.

You: Can the more expensive ones still have custom faces designed?

Nick: yea, they are still fully customizable. Here's a link to the two different high end brands.

I clicked on the link and started reviewing the other options. These ones were about three times as expensive as the other ones we had seen on the site and there was a clear reason. They looked a lot more natural. The faces were not stuck in constant shocked O's and the skin tone looked more natural. If I did not know I was looking at sex dolls, I would have assumed they were just regular porn stars. A little plastic. Bigger in some areas than normal, but still. They capped out at 168 centimeters. Which was about 5'6 or so. Which was pretty close to her height. They also were more . . . Voluptuous than she was. I looked at her. She was staring intently at the screen, considering the options in front of her. Under her breath, I heard her murmur “I could have a body again.”

I consider her for a moment. She did not really look like any of the dolls on the site. I mean, some were closer than others. But the faces were not really that close. I started typing to Nick again.

Chat Log:

You: Hey. Can you guys work off of a painting or a drawing?

Nick: oh yea. We get a ton of requests for anime girls and some guys too :) what kind of painting were you thinking about?

I considered for a moment and nodded. They had a built-in calculator to let me get a ballpark of what we wanted. I got to see a picture of the skeletons. Weirdly, they don't have any kind of rib structure. I hoped that the doll would not feel squishy around the ribs like they did for the breasts. When I added up all of the features of the custom doll, it was about twelve thousand dollars. I did not have twelve thousand dollars. I looked over to my roommate. She was staring at the number, too. Considering. “You can't afford that, can you?”

“No, I can't.”