13th Month of the Year 396, Ice Dragon Emperor Calendar

This week is your 5th birthday, Son. On a whim, I purchased this notebook at the market and decided to start filling it out. I’m not sure what the plan for this thing is yet but I do want to address all of this to you. I figured I’d just write things down that happened or that might be interesting. Back in the day writing things down always helped me see the bigger picture and relieve some stress.

Time sure has flown by, huh? It seems just like yesterday you were crawling around, investigating everything and anything you could get your little hands on. You know, Son, you sure are different. I can never seem to place what you are thinking. What goes on inside that little head of yours I wonder? We were always told that kids were nothing but a handful but you never really did cause us any problems.

Well besides the one time you almost died from casting magic… honestly… after you promised you wouldn’t try anything you go and figure out how to do it anyway. And yes, of course, your mother and I knew. After all, this isn’t our first orc bash, Son.

But what am I supposed to do with you now? You are already walking down the path of a mage at such a young age. I fear for what that might mean in the future. I don’t want you to live the same kind of life your mother and I did. But then again, neither of us is so naive to think you would never have to fight.

That’s why I started training your body as well. This world is a cruel and dark place. There are plenty of people and things who would do you harm and knowing how to defend yourself is important, and considering our past well… you never know. It’s best to prepare for the coming darkness while you can still enjoy the warmth of the light.

Love you, Son.

1st Month of the Year 397, Ice Dragon Emperor Calendar

Well… I was debating on continuing this after recent events but I always like to finish what I start. But let’s start today off with a positive.

I can say for sure that it was one hell of a 5th birthday… Seeing you at the party smiling was well… indescribable for me. When you opened that box and your eyes sparkled while you looked at your bow I was overwhelmed with happiness. I never knew such a simple act would bring me such joy, one day I hope you could experience that feeling too. When your Mom gave you that cupcake and you took that first bite, it was just too cute even for me. It only made it that much better when you devoured it within seconds right after. You got your sweet tooth from your mother. But after all that you went back to your normal self.

Your mother and I were worried about you. We never know how to treat you. Sometimes you seem years beyond your age and other times you seem so young. I blame our lack of parenting skills on that… maybe if we weren’t a bunch of weirdos ourselves things would be easier… sorry about that. I guess you really just are our child for better or worse. Of course, it doesn’t matter, I can speak for both your mother and myself when I say we love you no matter what.

But we talked to Dr. Jacobs about you, but you probably already knew that huh? You seem very self-aware, after all, it seems you are a genius. I already knew that but… well. I’m not a fan of filling a young child's head with such praise all the time. I’ve seen first hand what it does to children when you inflate their ego all the time…. it ruins them and very few ever change. I’ve seen plenty of good kids who had their heads filled with nonsense by their parents. I just want you to know that I know you are incredible but I definitely don’t want you to turn out like one of those little noble monsters. And remember, nobody is perfect, Son. Not even me...

I’m so sorry, Son. I really did fail you on unimaginable levels. When I saw you laying against that tree bleeding and nearly dead I lost all control. If only I was a better father I wouldn’t have even let you get into a situation like that. I hope you can forgive us for our absolute failure. But just know… there won’t be anymore Shadowlings in this jungle, that’s a promise.

But somehow someway you fought against a monster, killed it, and survived to tell the tale. It’s probably weird to say this but… good job, Kaladin. You did the unthinkable and you are so strong for not giving up. I’m so proud of you and thank you for not dying… most people would thank a god or something but… no god would let a child die alone like that. You survived by your own hands just know that.

Afterward, when you woke up, I’m not sure what exactly happened in that jungle but well I know something did. You came to some kind of crossroads and made an important decision, I can tell. And whatever that decision was I’m so thankful you chose it. When I woke up and saw you crying in your mother’s arms I couldn’t believe my eyes. I haven’t seen your mother so emotional in well… years. She hasn’t cried like that since she gave birth to you. And well, I’ve never seen you cry like that either.

The amount of emotion you were showing was unimaginable to me and you called me Dad for the first time as well. I almost started crying right then and there. You are always so serious about everything so it was a relief to know that you could still cry and that you finally called me Dad. Also, I’m sorry that you couldn’t inherit my crying face. Your mother is an unimaginably beautiful woman but she is one of the ugliest criers I’ve ever witnessed. But somehow you seemed to beat her, so please forgive me for that.

The way you have been acting after has been nothing but a surprise. When your mom told me you were the one apologizing and that you wanted to start over I have to admit I was overjoyed. I was way too happy honestly… you went through the depths of hell and it changed you but… I was somewhat thankful for it. I hope you can forgive me for thinking like that but it’s the truth. In such a short amount of time, you have been smiling more than you ever have. I finally feel like I’m your father. It’s not that I didn’t feel like that before it’s just different now, you know? I guess only you know what you did, maybe one day you will tell me what happened in that jungle.

I love you so much, Kaladin. I’m so happy that you were born and that I’m your father.

3rd Month of the Year 397, Ice Dragon Emperor Calendar

I thought I’d start this entry before I go to bed tonight. Tomorrow we are going hunting for the first time together. I’m very excited to see the fruits of your labor. You’ve been working so hard in your training so I know you are going to do great. You’ve only been practicing the bow for a little bit of time but you are already pretty good at it. I’m sure tomorrow is going to be a great day.

Well, today sure was a blast. You might have only hit one target today and you were definitely lucky but that doesn’t matter. Your ability to track prey is already leagues above others so your skill with the bow will come with time and practice. I’m sure in a few years you will probably be better than me.

I’ve also made a decision. I want to give you this book for your 10th birthday. I’m not sure why but I think it would make for an interesting gift, to see the thoughts of your father. But that’s 5 years away… it seems so long yet these last 5 years have been a blur so it’s best to prepare now.

So you might be wondering why I let you go alone to the market today. Well, I want you to have some freedom. Even if it doesn’t seem like much… I trust you and I want you to trust me.

You see, I didn't have a lot of freedom growing up. People expected a lot out of me and I didn’t have much time to myself. It seems that might have rubbed off on you a little bit as well since you spend your days working so hard. But I don’t think it’s the same, at least that’s how I feel. I think that you want to work hard in your studies and workouts since you always have a smile now when you do. I know that wasn’t the case for me or your mother. And besides, the people here are good people. I doubt anything is going to happen, being the only two Dark Elves in the village makes us really stand out but at times like this that’s a good thing.

I like to think that I’ve left a positive impact on this little village and that people like me enough that they would treat you with the same amount of respect and kindness they show me. Of course, I’m sure Whitehelm is going to give you a hard time… he probably won’t even notice you are my son honestly. I swear… that Dwarf is such a damn meathead. He has a son around your age as well, part of me hopes you will get a chance to meet him too. I think it would be a good thing for you to make some friends.

I was almost tempted to end this entry after the last bit but man am I glad that I didn’t. When I wished you would make a friend I did not expect you to bring one back with you the same day. I’m very happy that you made a friend somehow, of course, I wish you didn’t have to fight people to make friends but it is what it is. I couldn’t even really pretend to be mad at you after all.

I know for sure if it was me in that alley I would have done the same thing. It’s hard being your Dad, you know that? I feel like I should have reprimanded you more but I just know it’s wrong. You did the right thing and I’m proud of you.

And for the future, please forgive your mother. If you haven’t figured it out yet she has two weaknesses, sweets and cute animals. Unfortunately for your new friend, she fits into one of those categories. I’ll do my best to reign her in for you but I can only do so much.

Stay vigilant, Kal. I love you.

7th Month of the Year 397, Ice Dragon Emperor Calendar

I haven’t had much time to write these last few months so I apologize. As you know, work has been keeping me busy.

But I decided I would vent a little today. Son, I love you but… how can you be so smart yet so dumb? In what world does shooting my arrows against your stone wall make sense? I know you did it so you wouldn’t have to go find the arrows afterward but that doesn’t matter if you break 24 arrows in an evening… I swear, what am I supposed to do about that? As you can tell we don’t have a silver mine, Kaladin. And arrows don’t grow on trees, well part of them does but that doesn’t matter.

Sometimes you think things through till the very end and others you just act on a whim. I’m not sure what decides your thought process but I guess I’ll never understand. And you know what? I’m okay with that. It’s honestly a relief to know you can make simple mistakes like breaking my arrows. I finally got to feel like a father while I scolded you so that was something.

But today when you fell out of that tree I couldn’t help but laugh. I don’t know if you noticed but I broke the majority of your fall with a wind spell so you didn’t get seriously hurt. Of course, that probably didn’t help your wounded pride. And when I saw your face when you realized you broke that old knife I couldn’t contain myself.

Besides I’m sure Padraic will make you a fine knife. Yoman might be a meathead trying to pretend to be a merchant but he is definitely a master craftsman. It’s a shame he lacked the natural talent to be a runesmith. If Padraic becomes even half as good as his father they will make for a good team.

Enjoy your time with your new friends. Love you, Son.

3rd Month of the Year 398, Ice Dragon Emperor Calendar

Man, it sure has been a while since I’ve written but I know you will understand. These last few months will probably be unforgettable for you. I’m sure when you are an old sage sitting atop a mountain somewhere you won’t ever be able to forget about last year.

I would like to apologize though. I didn’t put two and two together soon enough to understand who exactly Cerila was. I admit I am… not the best in social situations. I tend to let my actions speak for me rather than mingling with everyone. I also tend to stay out of any drama that may be floating around the village. It’s bad for your sanity. So I didn’t realize who Cerila was. If I had known I probably would have been more proactive. But what is done is done and I can’t change the past.

Shortly after your sparring match your mother and I had a talk. Once we pieced everything together we both decided that if and when the time came we would take Cerila in. Of course, your Grandpa was in on it too. We didn’t tell her or you since we wanted it to be her decision. You are probably too young to realize this now but when you read this book in a few years I’m sure you will understand. You truly have had a profound impact on that girl’s life, Son.

Not many people can say they have helped somebody so much for nothing in return. You truly are a good boy, Kal, and I’m very proud to be your father. So just make sure you keep your promise to her and enjoy life to the fullest.

And even though it seems like I always ask for forgiveness from you I’ll have to do it again. I know that you know your mother and I are keeping secrets from you. It’s just that we don't feel ready to talk about it yet. Once the bigger picture is revealed I hope you can forgive your mother for being so… overzealous about certain things. She means well she really does. I do wish she would let it be more organic but well we don’t know how that goes. I’m sure when I tell you how I met your mother you will be very surprised, but that is a story for another time.

Stay strong and kind. I love you.

11th Month of the Year 399, Ice Dragon Emperor Calendar

I am so sorry, Son. I’m the worst at keeping up on this little project, aren’t I? I might have to extend the deadline to your 15th birthday after all this slacking off I’m doing.

But let’s start on a good note. Our little sparring match a few months ago was fun, wasn’t it? You sure have gotten stronger. In a few years, I doubt I’ll be able to take you on with a smile. That trick you did by splintering the boulder with a fireball was a great idea. If I was a regular person I’m sure you have beaten me with just that alone. You are becoming a stronger boy with every passing day. Of course, I’m not going to let you beat me so soon, I have my own pride after all.

I even told you a little about my past. You didn’t even seem all that surprised either! It was a little saddening but I guess you don’t know much about the outside world. You even promised me you would keep your hair growing and would be looking forward to your 15h birthday… man your 15th birthday huh? I mean we have your 10th birthday first but it seems so close it’s scary.

These years just keep going by faster and faster but they have been the best years of my life. You know I think I’m turning 185 this year? You see, Son, you stop counting after like 60 years. Apparently, time just feels different to us Elves. It seems just like yesterday I was back in the Old Empire…

Anyways, your growth as a person just keeps going. I feel so happy yet so sad that you are growing up so fast. I know you will probably think your mother and I were disappointed in you for breaking your promise about the wards. But in reality, I’m thankful you did. It means you still have room to grow. If you were perfect I would be afraid something was wrong with you so it’s such a relief to me that you finally acted your age. Of course, it was dangerous but well you already know that. And you can protect yourselves, that’s why we train the way we do. So when you look back at that day I hope it was a learning experience for you.

Be wise, Son. I love you dearly.

14th Month of the Year 399, Ice Dragon Emperor Calendar

The end of the year has arrived. And I didn’t wait a whole year for another entry into this book! I’m amazing you know that right? Next year is the start of a new Calendar as well. I think they decided it would be the Chaos Dragon Emperor Calendar next year. Haha! Now that’s a story! Oh man, I can wait to see the look on your face when your mother and I tell you about that.

Cerila’s 10th birthday is right around the corner and your mother and I have big news. We want this party to be a big deal for her after all, you only turn 10 once. She really has become a part of this family, I have to admit I’ve grown to see her as my own daughter. It was a little awkward at first but that faded some time ago. It would feel weird at home without her now. Seeing her smile and playing around with you has brought so much life to our little home. You two really have grown close, huh?

Of course, she can be quite the queen sometimes but that’s okay. Honestly you and your mother spoil her too much. Have you ever told her no before, Son? I know it might be hard but you can’t let the woman in your life have absolutely everything they want. Well… that’s what I wish for at least, I guess I’m not one to talk.

But anyways this announcement has been burning a hole in us for a long time now. And the best part is, I know that you don’t know what it is! It seems I can’t hide most things from you but it looks like we finally got something past you! I’m sure both of you will be surprised and happy, I know I am.

To think you would also go right back out into the jungle today. I thought you would at least wait a few months but you just jumped right into it! The determination on your face this morning was adorable. Of course, I’m not slighting you, it’s just you are so handsome when you try so hard that’s all. I know this means a lot to both of you so I wish you nothing but luck today. And when you get home today