Noah’s steps thundered through the halls, his frowning face forcing guards and servants to step to the side the moment he entered their field of vision. On the outside, he was seething, on the inside – even more so. It was irrational anger and he knew that. Bursting out and scaring Jess was not simply a mistake. It was an act that no lord should condone, even less commit. And yet, he had used the poor boy to vent his frustration. Duncan was right, he was acting like a brat. But then again, this burning feeling in the pit of his stomach just wouldn’t go away.

Balling his fists, Noah tried to slow down his pace. If he reached his destination before calming down, it would cause more harm than good. Dear Gods, why was he always denied the peace and quiet he yearned for? If it weren’t assassins, it was war. If it wasn’t war, it was an attack by the Red Hands. And when no one was after the lives of him and his people, it was tantrums and misunderstandings. Why the hell did Shana act like that? In the last couple of weeks, it felt like his little girl had turned into a complete stranger. Did it have something to do with her powers awakening? Or maybe it was just her growing up? But… he thought that girls were calm and mellow when their bodies began the transition to adulthood, unlike boys. For a moment, several not so dignified pictures from his own youth flashed before Noah’s eyes. No! She was definitely not going to be like that. Right? Then, was it possible that she is… jealous of Lorelei?

The man hurriedly dismissed the thought. Shana knew very well that she will always be his precious little starlet, that even if he got married, he wouldn’t stop loving her. Before going to the South, he had even made some comments about having to bring in a duchess at some point since the negotiations with Pandad had been going well. Shana hadn’t been exactly excited but she also hadn’t voiced any dissatisfaction or anger, which, at that time, he had considered quite mature of her. So why was she reacting like this towards Lorelei, to the point of attacking and wanting to harm her? Had he done something to provoke such behavior?

No matter how much he slowed his pace, Noah eventually arrived before the familiar white door. This time, there was no barrier blocking his path but somehow his heart felt just as heavy as it had been on that day. His hand reached for the handle when the door creaked open and an agile white-haired figure slipped out.

“Rish!” Noah was surprised.

“It’s Rasha, my lord,” the young binshi replied and bowed.

Noah blinked at her, the confusion slowly leaving his face. He was indeed too tired to mistaken the twins. They sure looked similar but he had known the girls since they were little more than toddlers. He coughed and opened his mouth, but the binshi was faster yet again.

“I wouldn’t go in right now, my lord.” Her expression became hesitant while she avoided his gaze. “Lady Shana is still quite emotional. Lady Nelini and aunty are yet to calm her down. I fear that if you were to meet her…”

She left the last part of the sentence unfinished but it was enough. Noah could imagine the chaos and devastation. He remembered the last time Shana had exploded before him, screaming that she hated him. His heart tightened. His words fell on deaf ears every time they spoke to the point that he was starting to despair. But it wasn’t just that. Did he even have the right to reprimand her? He was not her father, no matter how hard he tried to pretend. If it were Yanosh or Orhana, they would have known what to do, how to reach out to her. Maybe it would really be wiser to leave Neli calm her down first. The girl needed a woman to understand her feelings, not a burly knight. Talking to her could wait untill tomorrow.

Pressing his lips together, Noah nodded. He threw a final glance at the white door and the young binshi and turned to leave. Before he made two steps, however, he looked back.

“Rasha… take good care of her.”

“I will, your highness.”

With that, he finally left, intentionally ignoring the two shadowy figures that followed quietly from behind. One issue was postponed. The other still awaited him, and Noah knew that it was going to be no less difficult than this one. The only hope remaining was that Lorelei would be more reasonable and understanding than a nine-year-old throwing a tantrum. He gave a silent prayer to the Mother Above. After all, the binshi believed that She was the guardian-deity of family, and right now, he didn’t mind a bit of divine intervention.

His weary steps led him to the second door. Noah stood there silent for a moment. It was unbelievable and so frustrating! Ever since he could lift up a sword, he was the first to jump into battle, personally led attacks that any sane person would deem suicidal. He fought monsters, bandits, assassins, and seasoned warriors. Yet, there he was, standing in front of a simple door and dreading the conversation with the woman inside. Strange. Lorelei’s words to him hurt more than cold steel and blazing flames, to the point he feared their inevitable meeting. It was pathetic!

He hung his head and sighed. Then, his knuckles reached for the door in a polite knock. Nothing. Furrowing his brow, the man knocked harder. Still nothing. Noah felt his already tense nerves reaching the snapping point, his anger flaring up contrary to his better judgment. Was he a ragdoll or the Duke of Norden? His fist banged on the door, making the sturdy wood creak. After the third pound, the door finally opened a crack. Milly’s frightened eye peeked from the other side.

“M-my l-lord, the l-lady…”

“Move away, Milly,” Noah interrupted her while trying to suppress his growl.

“B-but the l-lady is in-indisposed…”

“Step away or you will fly with the door.”

Knowing that the duke wasn’t a man of empty threats, the maid hurried to the side. Noah flew in the anteroom and past the shivering girl. As his hand was grabbing for the door leading to the sleeping chamber, Noah heard a shaking voice call for him.

“P-please, my l-lord! H-have mercy on the lady! Please be l-lenient!”

Throwing a glance over his shoulder and noting the maid’s bravery, despite her trembling body, Noah slipped into the room without a word, banging the door shut behind his back. The moment he found himself on the other side, he knew he had overreacted and cursed himself. But it was already too late.

The spacious bedroom was meticulously clean and in pristine order. Every crate, every chair and table were at their place, but somehow this gave the room an empty and desolate feeling. It was as if no one was living there. Yet, on the far side of the large bed, hugging one of the supporting pillars of the canopy, stood the owner of the chamber. Her long hair, now freed from the golden net, cascaded down her shoulders, covering her small frame like a silk cloak. Noah could clearly see the big, frightened eyes, rimmed red and swollen, looking at him in terror from the snow-white face. Her mouth trembled as she fought to say something but no sound came out. Despite that, the man could easily read the words her lips formed – “Sorry”, “Forgive me”.

Noah simply stood there, cursing himself, his stupid pride, and his aggressive nature, as every tremor of Lorelei’s body was a stab in his heart. Under those frightened eyes, the anger and impatience from before melted away, leaving only pain and remorse. He shouldn’t have entered. He should have waited until tomorrow, for her to calm down, no, for himself to calm down. But lately, every time Lorelei was involved, he made foolish mistakes. Right now, his hasty decision was most likely a fatal one. How could he right the wrong? An image appeared in his mind – a moon-lit bedroom, a crying damsel, and a beast barging in to devour her. Nothing had changed from then. Not her fear. Not his crudeness.

Clenching his fists, Noah felt the urge to laugh. He was no doubt the Beast of Norden. Pressing his back against the door, he slowly slid down, all the while his body shook from a low, mocking giggle.

“My… lord?” Lorelei’s gasp reached his ears but he didn’t have the strength to look at her. He remained sitting on the thick carpet as his words finally came out. There was no turning back anyway.

“I am sorry, Lorelei,” Noah’s voice was a breath louder than a whisper. “I know it is not enough. I know that it won’t change anything. But I am so, so sorry for everything. I can’t even hope for your forgiveness, and yet, here I am wanting to set things straight with you.”

“Duke!”

“No. Let me finish. I intruded in your chambers and frightened you. Believe me, I never intended to harm you in any way. I… I wanted to come and apologize for what Shana did. To see whether you are hurt. Alas, after years spent in constant battles, these hands of mine only know how to shed blood, not how to comfort. I am a warrior, my lady. To call me a dirty fighter would be more befitting than dubbing me a knight. It was a necessary thing in order to survive but… it makes it hard for me to understand and deal with courtly manners and even with normal personal relationships. What I want to say is… My inaptitude to calm and educate my daughter has caused you great grievances. From now on, I will order for your meals to be brought to your room or to a place of your choosing. It was selfish of me to force you to interact with Shana. Please, forget this request as if it never were. And I will make sure that she is suitably punished for what she did. If you want, I will let you chose the punishment. As for compensation for your suffering…”

“You are too generous, my lord.” Noah could hear her voice cracking a bit as she interrupted him. “I do not deserve such grace.”

“Why? Because you are simply my tool?”

Noah’s nails painfully dug in the soft parts of his hands. No reply came but the answer was obvious. She had said it herself. Bitter laughter escaped Noah’s lips yet again.

“Do you believe I see you as a tool? Do you think that I would risk my life and the lives of my men for a simple tool? Do you think that I would make them row for hours until they are on the brink of death for a tool? Do you believe that I would risk Gerash’s life and my own to merge souls while searching for a tool? Do you think that I would run in a burning building for a mere tool? The moment we exchanged our vows, you became one of my people, Lady Norden. Even more than that, you have saved my life and the lives of people I consider family. You are not a tool.”

“T-then w-why?” Noah lifted his head and searched for the sobbing figure. Lorelei sat on the bed still holding tight to the column, but this time it was for support and not as a barrier between them. “Why did you use me as bait?”

“It all happened due to my lack of good judgment but believe me, I never planned for it, not… not intentionally. I knew that your presence in the vagrants’ camp could attract unwanted attention. My order was for Gregor’s Shadows and the city guards to increase their vigilance, to track and apprehend suspicious people. I tripled your guard and ordered your immediate return to the castle if they detected any danger to your life.”

Noah paused a bit and licked his lips before continuing.

“In hindsight, maybe I wanted deep down to fish out the Red Hands. You… I don’t think you can understand just how deep the grudge against the Cult of Pure Blood is. Or maybe, after everything you went through, you do. Many would do anything, would sacrifice everything, to destroy them. I too was like that when they killed Yanosh. When they raped and killed Orhana. When they tried to kidnap my little girl. But after shedding so much blood the past seven years; after I sacrificed people who I considered friends in order to avenge people I considered friends… I realized I was a hypocrite. I swore to make no more sacrifices. Or rather, that I would be the sacrifice if necessary. So no, I never intended for you to be a sacrificial lamb, Lorelei.”

“So… It really was Sir William’s plan?”

Noah could only nod.

“What… will happen with him?”

Her question made him flinch. He bit his lip but nevertheless answered.

“As of right now, I can’t lose William de Mar. His skills are invaluable to the future of Norden. And also, he is my subordinate. It was my fault for underestimating his grudge and not taking the appropriate measures. You might wish for any other compensation, just not his life.”

“I… understand,” Lorelei lifted her head and their gases met. “Can… can you do something for the families of the dead Shadows then? They lost their lives because of me. It… it won’t bring them back but it might provide some solace.”

“This is not your fault!” Noah’s expression darkened. “It’s the Red Hands’ doing. Don’t worry about the Shadows, their families are taken good care of.”

“That’s a relief.”

Silence filled the space between them. Noah studied his wife’s features that had regained some of their color. A soft, sad smile had appeared on her lips. Noah’s chest tightened.

“Is there anything else you would wish for? For yourself? A trinket or a favor wouldn’t erase the past but it might help with the healing.”

“I don’t need anything, my lord. Or… actually, there is something.”

“Go on.”

“Please, my lord, in the future, if there are things involving me, please, don’t keep them a secret. My stay in Norden might be short, but for the rest of my time here, I would like to avoid similar situations. If I knew… it might be just wishful thinking, but maybe if I had known and acted differently, lives could have been spared.”

Noah stiffened. This sounded like such an innocent request, yet he feared the results if he agreed. She had to learn about marzbane Ilmaz sooner or later, though he’d prefer it to be later. He doubted any woman would remain calm when discussing what was basically her replacement, so he wanted to wait for the information on master Levi’s whereabouts first. Hopefully, the good news would lessen the impact. And technically he wouldn't be breaking his word, just postponing the inevitable.

“Alright.” He slowly stood up. “You have my word. As long as it isn’t one of utmost national security, I will not have any more secrets from you, my duchess.”

“Thank you, my lord.” Lorelei too stood up shakily and lowered her head. “And my lord, just so you don’t stay with the wrong impression… If you and Sir William had told me about that plan, if you had explained to me what is at stake… I would have agreed to be a bait.”

Noah froze. What? Was he hearing it wrong?

“Why?” He blinked. “Why would you willingly put yourself in harm’s way? For a strange land and strange people?”

“Because… I am selfish.”

“You call this selfishness?” Noah rubbed his face, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry.

“Indeed,” replied Lorelei and her voice became distant. “One life to save many… I do understand sir William’s point. What I can’t forgive is that he forced their blood on my hands. Had I known of the danger, I would have made sure not to drag in innocent people like I did. I don’t have anything in this world except this body of mine, my lord. Spilling its blood, staining it with the blood of others, it should be my choice. This is the only selfish wish of a fake soul.”

“Fake soul? What… are you saying?” Noah felt his blood turning cold. Something seemed wrong. He hesitated. Should he pursue the matter? To his surprise, Lorelei simply chuckled.

“Forgive me, my lord. I am tired. My mind is trying to play tricks on me. I am talking gibberish.”

“Yes,” Noah was not quite convinced but knew that digging further right now would only make things worse. One hand over his heart, he bowed deeply. “I shall better leave you rest. It is getting late. But I do hope to continue our conversation tomorrow.”

“Is that an order, my lord?”

“Lorelei!” A pained expression twisted his face. “No, it isn’t. Does… does it need to be?

“… No. Then, until tomorrow, your highness.”

“See you tomorrow, my duchess.”

Noah turned around and opened the door. Everything should have been better after they talked it out. They managed to clear some misunderstandings, right? So why was he feeling even more frustrated and worried than before?

The door silently closed behind his back.