As difficult as it had been for Sean to give Sebastian the one thing that could kill his own child before it was ever even born; Sean was dreading having to explain that to Claire even more. He somberly returned to the main house with another sigh of discontent. It was true that he could lie to Claire or pretend he had never gone to the tavern that night at all, but the few times there had been secrets between them; the burden had been too much for either to bear. And there was always the possibility that she would give in to making Sebastian or Davina tell her what was wrong; and if Sean’s part in the matter was revealed to her by anyone other than Sean himself… he didn’t even want to think about the kind of wedge that would put between them once more.

Of course the truth could also have rather detrimental effects. The subject of an unborn child not ever having the chance to be born at all and because of something Sean had willfully done at that; he was not sure he wanted to see her reaction to that at all. So either she would be hurt by lies or be appalled by the truth; neither sounded very appealing to Sean at all right then.

By the time he made it to their chamber doors Sean had decided that he would have to tell the truth; as lies were the one thing he could no longer let come between he and Claire, no matter how hurtful the truth was as well. He squared his shoulders and forced his feet to carry him through the door. Of course, Claire had sensed his approach and turned toward the door moments before he opened it.

“Something else you need to say?” she asked him with a bit of coolness left over from their previous conversation.

“I went to the tavern” Sean began as he moved toward where she was seated at the vanity, though his gaze couldn’t quite meet hers.

“So, again you decided that reading someone else’s deepest thoughts was your best option” Claire retorted with a shake of her head.

“We already had this part of the conversation, Claire. It’s what you were hoping I’d do, even if you couldn’t force yourself to ask. Can we move on now?” Sean stated brusquely but somehow sadly as well.

“So glad you’re here to tell me what I wanted” she returned sarcastically.

Sean sighed heavily, deciding to ignore her anger as there was sure to be more, and he needed to force his way through the truth of what he had discovered while he still had the courage to do so. “Back when you gave Sebastian that powder we used to use, he had been involved with Garnet. Then she decided to take up with our undead friends instead; but obviously not knowing what they were, I assume she’s still taking the stuff.”

Claire just shook her head, “what does any of this have to do with…?”

“The point is, he no longer has the powder or the instructions because he’s no longer intimate with the only girl he ever thought he would be with. Now, he’s with Davina instead” Sean continued, though his voice was beginning to lose volume as he approached this part of the story.

“What is the point to any of this?” Claire asked again.

“Davina’s pregnant” he spat out, “to Sebastian” he finished pointedly as Claire’s eyes widened.

Claire was visibly shaken as she tried to gather her thoughts in response to that fact and all the consequences it could carry. She finally settled on some response, whispered though it was, “you looked into his head and that’s what you found?”

Forcing himself on, Sean continued, “I told him that they would either have to leave this town or…” he shook his head as he still was not quite able to admit the most damning part of his own actions that night. He then changed pace only slightly, “neither him nor Davina want a baby. For different reasons, but still; neither wants it.”

“What did you do, Sean?” Claire asked, her voice trembling even more as she held her gaze tightly to him then.

“I told him that whether or not to have the child would have to be their choice. But having it would mean leaving this place before it might ever turn” Sean stated in the same quiet tone.

“But you did tell him that there was a way that they could decide not to have it?” Claire replied in a nearly inaudible whisper.

“I put some of my blood in a glass and explained the only other option than actually having the child. Then I left him to make the decision” Sean made himself finish as he watched as Claire tried desperately to keep her expression blank; though her aura screamed all the feelings she was having right then at him, causing him to swallow hard as he waited for her to say any words at all in response to what he had given Sebastian the knowledge and ability to do now.

When Claire returned to the tavern the next evening, she looked almost as though she were going to a cemetery for a funeral than to a tavern for a night of serving drinks. She had been speechless for the rest of the previous evening after what Sean had informed her of; as she honestly had no idea how to react to what had transgressed. It was true that she knew all too well of the danger that Sebastian’s child could pose someday, but there was always that possibility of the child being no more monster than Sebastian or Kristofer had been, despite their heredity. And that was what tore at her and Sean both, she was sure; considering his somberness and lack of any other words the previous evening either.

Claire’s already fragile composure was dealt another blow when she entered the tavern to find Davina finishing her performance with a bit less enthusiasm than she had had in previous months. Claire swallowed a bit as she gave into her own worry and couldn’t help adjusting her eyes to see the girl’s aura. It was still saturated with nervousness and apprehension, but more importantly, there appeared to be no other aura present except the girl’s own; and upon that fact, Claire couldn’t help the feel of a tiny crack forming in her own heart as she was once again swamped with memories of another lost child.

Upon her discovery of what decision Sebastian had apparently made after all, Claire had to quickly excuse herself to the privy as she felt the red tears welling up in the midst of the small group of mortals who were surrounding her there that night. It took her several long minutes before she had forced enough composure to re-enter the main room of the tavern and make some attempt at continuing her duties for the night.

It was only half an hour or so after Claire’s arrival that she couldn’t fight her urge to go and speak with Sebastian about that decision; as it was all that was running through Claire’s mind, she could imagine the state Sebastian’s was in. She nodded to the servant who was working there with her that night and headed up the stairs to find Sebastian as Davina had already gone for the night while Claire had been biting back tears in the privy earlier.

Bracing herself, she knocked upon Sebastian’s door and made out his sigh of discontent at the disturbance. Nonetheless, he made himself move from the bed where he had yet to fall asleep and opened the door to her. He looked down at Claire from where he stood about five inches taller than her and took a nervous breath, “something you needed me to do?”

“Can we please just talk?” Claire asked him in a sad whisper.

Sebastian sighed with obvious discomfort as he glanced down at where he had only been clad in his trousers during his failed attempt at sleep, and then back at the disarrayed bed behind him. He took another shaky breath as he moved his eyes back to her, “I was making some attempt at sleep.”

“It doesn’t appear to have been too successful” Claire responded as she tried to smile, though the expression failed to make it to her lips.

Sebastian let out a sound of defeat as he stepped back to allow her entrance to his room and closed the door behind them, “I assume Sean told you that he came here last night” he began as he nervously ran his hands through the dark shoulder-length locks before moving to a seat near the bed.

“Yes, he told me what had you and Davina so upset” she told him sympathetically as she took her own awkward seat on the edge of the bed nearest the only other seat in the room, which the young man now occupied.

“So, he told me the only choices I had; not sure what else there is to say” he shrugged as he kept those dark eyes downward.

“And you only took one night to make a decision like that?” Claire couldn’t help asking. After all when she looked at him she couldn’t help seeing a boy who had just bought himself the same kind of hellish guilt for almost the exact same sin that Claire had been torturing herself over for nearly three centuries now. Of course, Sebastian would most likely only have to live with his guilt for another twenty or thirty years, but she knew all too well how unbearable it could be for any amount of time.

“I made that decision a long time ago” he told her with a quiet conviction, “I just let myself forget to stick to it” he added. He then took another breath, “I thought Garnet was the only girl I was ever going to be with, so I gave her that stuff you gave me. Only then she… did what she did and I was so upset and angry that I stopped thinking straight and turned to Davina instead. We tried to be careful, but not careful enough; and that’s due to my own stupidity, which I’m now paying for. And soon Davina will be paying for it, too” he finished with a slight sniffle.

“I know you never wanted children, considering” Claire began, “but this kind of thing is not that easy to get over doing” she finished in a whisper.

“Lucky you; you’ll never have to make a decision like this” Sebastian scoffed sadly.

Claire tensed more than a bit at that statement as she looked toward the closed door, “I already made that same kind of decision Sebastian, a long time ago.”

“What?” he asked as he looked up at her quickly.

Backtracking just a bit, as she was still not ready to share the entirety of that secret, Claire decided on some version of it, “I chose to become what I am. And I chose it knowing that it would mean that I’d never again have any chance to ever be a mother. I thought that was what I wanted back then. But when you’ve been alive for almost 300 years…” she just shook her head as she wiped at her eyes before those bloody tears could shake his composure even more.

Sebastian let out another breath as he took a moment before responding, “still, choosing to make it so you can never have children, and choosing to end the life of one you did already make; they’re different things” he stated sadly.

Claire looked away quickly, almost visibly shaking against her own grief and her desire to unburden herself of the secret that that was exactly what she had believed she had done herself. But she knew that sharing that one secret that she had even hid from Sean would never be a wise thing to do.

“I suppose you’re right” she admitted as she refused to look back at him through that deliberate concealment of her own truth, “but still, I know some part of that regret. So if you ever need to talk to someone who understands better than most; I hope you know that you can talk to me and that I will listen. I’m sorry for my friends taking Garnet away from you, but please know that I still wish you and I were friends” she added sadly as she finally got to her feet and moved to the door, finding it increasingly difficult to hide her own despair a moment longer.

As she opened the door to leave though, Sebastian stood and called after her, “after the baby is… officially gone” he decided on, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be with another woman again; not if it means having to go through this again” he added in a whisper.

Claire halted but still could not turn back as she managed a response, “I can make you more of that powder, Sebastian. You don’t have to commit yourself to a life of loneliness.”

“But what if it doesn’t work?” he asked desperately.

“It worked with me and Sean for twelve long years” Claire assured him.

“But if she ever forgot… we could be right back here again. Plus, I doubt Davina will even want to risk it or trust in some strange powder once she…” he left it at that.

“All I can do is try to assure you that it will work; be it with Davina or another girl” Claire restated.

“But the only way to be certain is if I was either never with a girl again… or never with a living girl again” he added more softly as he watched her for any reaction to his statement.

That was when Claire had to turn back to him, “you can’t mean…”

“Nicolas implied that you and he had been close… like that. I’m guessing that means that Sean isn’t the only man you’ve ever been with.”

Claire swallowed a bit as she was not sure it was the time or the place to try once again to explain her marriage. She then found some response, “right now you’re afraid of ever being with a mortal girl again, and that’s understandable. But I think you need to at least let all of this settle in before making any other quick decisions” a slight pause, “but I promise to be here for you when you do come to whatever decision you may eventually come to; no matter what that is” she finished with a faint smile as she nodded to him and left him behind to ponder exactly what, and whom, he wanted in his life from that point on.