Office of Carbon Authority

John and Jane Smith entered the Office of Carbon Authority.

"Good day, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Auditor Agent Karl Hernandez is ready to see you."

They both sat in Agent Hernandez's office. ...

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Smith." Agent Hernandez walked in, shook their hands, and sat at his desk. "Let's see here. I've reviewed your files earlier. It appears you've fully converted to solar at home and purchased all-electric cars. Your recycling score is at an A rating. All looks good except ..."

"Except what?" asked Jane.

"You have three dogs according to your family household profile." Agent Hernandez held up a printed report.

"Yes, we do," answered Jane.

"Didn't either of you read the section about the carbon meter rating and pets?"

"Well, yes, we did," said John, "but our dogs are family."

"I'm afraid that puts you over the threshold." Agent Hernandez stacked the paperwork, stuffed it into an envelope, and stamped the top of it. "Fertility denied."

"Denied?" Jane choked up.

"Yes, Mrs. Smith, we not only evaluate your household carbon footprint for a potential child in your immediate family, but also the individual's lifespan and overall environmental impact, the potential for future offspring, and other ecologically disruptive behaviors. With three dogs, not only do you exceed your own carbon threshold, but it brings into question your' carbon judgment.'"

"We won't get rid of our dogs!" John stood up.

"Please sit down, Mr. Smith." Agent Hernandez picked up the phone. "Bring in the enforcers. I've got two candidates for rehabilitation."

John held Jane's hand and gestured toward the door, and they both ran. But the enforcers quickly caught up to them, and eventually, so did Agent Hernandez.

"There's no need to run Mr. and Mrs. Smith," said Agent Hernandez," You'll get to keep your dogs. Your surgeries will be painless and outpatient."

"Surgeries?" asked Jane.

"Why, yes, Mrs. Smith. A new protocol to prevent an excessive carbon footprint. You won't bear any future children, but your dogs'll be quite happy."