But it was her.

He saw her; he could see, he could recognise, on the plane, ahead, into the pit a – he didn't have the words: something higher had fallen.

Something, so, so much higher than all of the rest. There wasn't comparison; there could be no comparisons. She was a person. She was really, a person. She was. It was her, she existed, and she was – complete darkness and just her face; she was a flash of something, and yet - unrecognisable.

Something that made this place - it was beauty and it hurt him in a way that he couldn't: it was – real. He couldn't have it/support how much her beauty hurt him.

- It hurt him so much he – if he could not exist maybe, here, even – there must be an alternative to –

a flood of - thought[?] filled every cavity that had been emptied of its liquids:

The pain - but the absence of it - if he went back [he saw her, before him, heading - the same] - if he didn't have this pain, this - life without it was – far/far, worse. - Impossible, it was worse - if he could not exist, maybe,

the only alternative to – this pain or its lack he had no idea, it was her.

He was dead, he wished it was her. It was/she was her/there

Again.

He followed her; drifting, made to look like that; Where was she; she - was going - toward her, she wasn't drifting, neither were: pretending. Just that flash of something that mattered, something that was beautiful, something that was - had worth.

These feelings, ideas, concepts, he had to build them himself. Because they were nothing like life. They were nothing like the old thought that now returned the first time he'd seen her.

This place was his life, this was where he really was; the other place, in some sense he could of course never understand; it was a lie. A wretched, disgusting, deformation of reality: a lie.

This was added to the pain he already couldn't support.

He followed her.

Maybe if he could

Maybe there was something -

Maybe something could be done in

Nearer; he could almost touch her now; 3;4;5; shapes, unpersons, not real, not there, between them, fighting desperately to appear as if he drifted, because any – by means he could not understand, whether it was the blocks or the beings that inhabited them, any behaviour out the ordinary was instantly -

Those people, how could he even know, except, it was implicit in everything - they were - completely driven out of the dream/annihilated.

In some not very specific sense that didn't eliminate a continuum of pain/so he drifted, nearer. - He'd promised himself somewhere, beneath, he couldn't reflect upon. Not directly, that if he ever saw her again -

That he'd return it. The thing she'd given him. He'd show her it too.

- He loved her.