《Inalienable Rights: The Azodii Necktie Negotiation》Chapter 12
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"I must go prepare for the ceremonies," Parksnip Oato said with a slight bow. "I'm sure you have heard that tonight is the Feast of Gar-Mel?"
"Yes," I said. "Lady Denebola was just telling us."
"It is the yearly celebration of our great founder, Gar-Mel of Hon," Premier Oato beamed. "Tonight is the Feast, and the Heart Ceremony. You're in for quite a treat."
Oato hobbled to the door and gave another bow. "Once you're ready, come join us in the Main Hall. Tonight, we will celebrate! And tomorrow morning, not too early," Oato gave a small wink. "We shall meet to finalize our agreement with the Slatt Empire. Tomorrow night, at the conclusion of the Festival, I shall formally announce Azodii's new status as a Territory of Slatt!"
"We're at your service, Premier Oato," Henry opened the Medical Bay door for him. "See you at the party."
Oato grinned and left, followed by Kale. "I should head to the Festival as well," Lady Denebola stood with some difficulty. "I have many people to meet and greet, royal duties and all that. And I will need to help my uncle, the King."
"I hope we get a chance to meet him."
"Oh, you shall," Lady Denebola said. "He's a nice old man, but you know…" she tapped the side of her head. "He's almost one-hundred and sixty-three years old. It's bound to happen when you reach his age, but the poor dear's mind is a little soft."
"We'll let you get to your duties," Henry said.
"Thank you, Henry Todd," she turned to me. "Keep drinking that Tchugg, Mr. Marshall! It'll warm you up right quick."
"Will do. It was a pleasure to meet you, Lady Denebola."
She nodded and clumsily left the room, body and antler-hat knocking against the walls and door on the way out. Once she was gone, Henry breathed a sigh of relief.
"It's like Grand Central Station in here," Henry collapsed into a chair. "Now, where were we?"
"I nearly froze to death, and I think we were about to go through contracts?"
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"Right," Henry closed his eyes tightly and rubbed his temples. "Sorry, I'm running on fumes. I've been awake for two days straight, I think. With the time dilation and warp-speed travel I don't even know at this point."
"Why don't you start by telling me what happened last night?"
"I got a phone call right before midnight. One of those weird ones – where the ringtone sounds like a dying cat, and the phone looks like it's gonna explode."
"Yeah," I said. "That happened when you called me this morning from outside the solar system."
"Anyway, it was the High Council. They connected me to Lord Farkvold, and he said there was a last-minute agreement that they needed us to finalize. But the paperwork needed to be done in-person, on the Planet Azodii. So, the High Council was sending a chartered jet cruiser ship to pick us up –"
"Us?"
"Yeah, the plan was for both of us to go last night. I kept calling you, but you never answered."
The truth is, I finished the better part of a bottle of wine last night before going to bed. I slept through all of Henry's calls.
"So, the jet cruiser came and picked me up in Westwood around two in the morning," Henry said. "The pilot asked me if we should swing by your house, but I still couldn't get a hold of you, and I figured Denise would be surprised if a spaceship landed in your backyard…."
"Yes, that was a good call."
"…So, I spoke to Farkvold again, and we agreed that I should go ahead. He'd transport you to Azodii from Council Territory in the morning, along with the official documents. I took off on the cruiser – which was amazing, by the way - we blasted off into space, and about an hour later we arrived at Planet Azodii and landed on the Palace grounds."
"An hour? That's fast."
"Give or take. They have some kind of warp-drive, light-speed-something-or-other on those ships," Henry took the leather folios out of my briefcase and thumbed through them. "Smooth ride, too. I mean, considering all the laws of physics we're breaking. We made across the galaxy in no time."
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The mention of time made me remember something: I glanced at Henry's wrist. Sure enough, he was wearing his Rolex. And under the electric blanket and my Canada Goose ski jacket, I was still wearing a one-of-a-kind Vicchady tie around my neck. I guess we did it – we were the first humans to wear luxury fashion on an alien planet.
I debated showing the tie then and there to Henry, but it seemed like the wrong time. We had a lot of work to do. And, although I was slowly unthawing, I was still too frozen to even think about unzipping my coat.
"I've been schmoozing with the locals since the moment I landed," Henry tossed the contracts aside. "Here's what I can tell you – Premier Oato is ready to sign. It's not going to be a hard sell. Oato and the Azodii Tribunal have made up their minds – they want to join the Slatt Territories."
"He did seem to indicate that, yes." I said. "I hope they know what they're getting themselves into. Did you see those paragraphs about building a Slatt military base? Occupation of their cities?"
Henry nodded. "They're willing to do all of that, Marsh," he pulled his chair close and spoke softly. "Here's what you need to understand – Lady Denebola, who you just met, is wildly popular with the Azodii. She's like a celebrity, a princess to the people. And part of the reason why everyone loves her so much is because, even though she's royalty, she married a commoner named Zerk. Just a simple guy, a foreman on one of the Qwazler moons. He was mining some kind of Jello or something –"
"Voyt Jelly."
"Yeah, that stuff. Anyway, six months ago, Zerk's mining site was attacked by warships. They leveled the outpost. Dozens of Azodii were killed, and Zerk went missing. He's presumed dead."
"Planet Bob?"
"Yep. Part of an ongoing dispute between King Azodii-Bal and King Bob over mining rights on the Qwazler moons. It goes back a hundred years. It's all based on nonsense, as far as I can tell, but these two planets have been nickel-and-dime killing each other for three generations. But this time, it's different. Zerk's death was the final straw. The people of Azodii want revenge."
"And they're willing to give up independence for that? They're willing to become part of the Slatt Empire?"
"They're ready for the war to end, Marsh. But they still want to win. If they join the Empire, then the Slatt Guard can do their dirty work."
"Well," I picked up a copy of the bound contract. "They should look closely at all the paragraphs. The Treaty for Acquisition states that the Slatt Guard will use military force only to defend the Planet Azodii as a Territory. It doesn't say anything about being an aggressor to hostile planets."
Henry shrugged. "Aggressive defense is indistinguishable from offense."
"Jesus, Henry," I said. "That sounds like something Lord Farkvold would say."
"At any rate, Parksnip is ready to sign," Henry said. "He has the full support of the Tribunal, as well as the people of Azodii."
"Great," I put my feet onto the floor and slid off the gurney. I wobbled at first, then grabbed the gurney and caught my balance.
"You okay?" Henry made a half-hearted attempt to steady me on my feet.
"I'm fine," I set down my cup of Tchugg and removed the electric blanket. "My legs still seem to work." I was weak and tired, but able to walk.
"Should we go through the paperwork now, or…?"
"It's my first time on an alien planet, Henry," I stretched my arms over my head and hopped up and down, my muscles aching but no longer frozen stiff. "We can go through the contracts later tonight. But now, I believe we have a party to attend?
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