"What's he saying?" Antonio Vicchady stood near the door, shaking his head. "Can you understand any of that? It just sounds like a lot of clicks and grunts to me." Henry and I ignored Vicchady as Zerk continued:

"You know, I gotta say –" Zerk grabbed another handful of kibbles and crunched them in between his teeth as he spoke "I really like Earth. It's a hell of a planet you guys have! I mean look," he pointed to the hole in the ceiling, the fading sunlight. "It's so warm here! I could go outside practically naked if I wanted to. I mean, if I were allowed outside. Which I'm not.

"But I get it – it's 'for my own safety.' Dangerous out there for an Azodii. Luckily, Mr. Vicchady found me and took me in. He's been hiding me here in this secure room, with a lock on the door so no humans can get in except him. And, just in case the room were to be breached, I'm secured to the floor at all times." Zerk pointed to the shackle on his leg and beamed. "So no one can kidnap me. Isn't that clever? It was Mr. Vicchady's idea."

Zerk appeared to be suffering from a case of intergalactic Stockholm Syndrome.

"Well?" Vicchady said. "What's he saying? Tell me."

Henry cleared his throat. "He says you're a horrible piece of shit for keeping him locked up and trying to bleed him to death."

"No! No, wait –" Zerk started, but Henry continued.

"He says if you don't set him free right now, he'll telepathically call his friends from Azodii."

"And when they get here," I said, picking up the thread. "They’ll take every one of these mason jars and shove them up your ass, until you're bleeding orange out of your eyeballs."

"That's not what I said!" Zerk gestured pleadingly to Antonio. "Please, Mr. Vicchady! You've been so good to me…"

"I – are you sure that's what he said?" Vicchady asked. "He always seemed so comfortable here. Agreeable, docile –"

"I have an idea," Henry took out his phone and opened the calculator app. "Maybe there's a way we can all make out good here. Let us buy Zerk from you."

"Buy him? Out of the question!" Vicchady snapped. "He's not for sale. What about my business?"

"Vicchady neckties are valuable because they're so rare. There's a limited quantity." I said. "If you discontinue production, it will only make the value of the existing neckties go up. Like Faberge Eggs, or rare coins."

"You have a whole warehouse full of them downstairs. Here," Henry punched in a few numbers, then showed the screen to Vicchady. "I'm calculating an estimate of your future sales, and loss of potential profits. Would this amount be acceptable? For a complete and total buyout of Zerk? You can keep what you've… drained from him, of course."

Antonio Vicchady took Henry's phone and stared at the screen. His smudge of a mustache twitched. "You have this kind of capital?"

Henry turned and spoke to me: "The Acquisition agreement between Slatt and Azodii – it included cash, right? Slatt is essentially buying Planet Azodii to be a part of the Empire. Lord Farkvold said there was some leeway in that final figure, right?"

"Yeah," I said. "But we haven't had a chance to go through any of that with Parksnip. We haven't discussed numbers at all. You and I haven't even had time to read the acquisition agreement -"

"Farkvold, Parksnip – What are you two talking about?" Vicchady handed Henry his phone. "I thought you were here to sell me another one of these… alien things. Not try to buy mine."

"Excuse us just a minute, Mr. Vicchady," I pulled Henry into the corner and he spoke softly, explaining his plan:

"If Parksnip agrees to an amount on the low end of what Slatt is offering, we can use the remaining funds to buy Zerk out of his imprisonment." Henry said. "We'll chalk it up to the cost of doing business."

I looked at the enormous figure on the screen of Henry's cell phone. "Is that amount in US dollars or Euros?"

"Dollars." Henry said.

"It’s still not enough. We'll be short."

"I know," Henry sighed. "The rest can come from us. From the money we make at Marshall / Todd. We sacrifice part of our raise, and we can pay it off piecemeal from the sizeable retainer we get from the Slatt Territories."

Of all the surprising things that happened in the past forty-eight hours, hearing Henry offer to give up some of our profits was the most shocking. But our lives were on the line. And it was a solution that made sense.

"Okay," I whispered. "Let's close the deal and get Zerk out of here."

We approached Antonio Vicchady. "Is the amount acceptable?"

Vicchady inhaled, shrugged his shoulders and pinched-up his face. "The Vicchady label was just a mom-and-pop suit factory for three generations. I've made more money in the past six months off ties than my parents did in their lifetimes. These neckties are the finest product that we've ever produced," Vicchady said, feigning a sense of regret. "I'm very proud of them."

He chewed his thumbnail and turned in a circle, building up suspense before uttering the inevitable: "BUT - your offer is too tempting to resist. I accept. You may buy Zerk from me."

"Thank you, Mr. Vicchady," I opened my briefcase and produced a pad of paper. "Now, we'll need to work out a payment plan –"

I was interrupted by a high-pitched electronic whine, coming from just outside the door. Henry instinctually grabbed Antonio and I by the sleeve and pulled us away just in time, a fraction of a second before the door exploded in a ball of fire.

Major Kale, wielding a weapon that looked like a leaf-blower, stepped through the smoldering remains of the security door. Through the smoke, she saw the four of us standing in the corner of the room.

"Soldiers - move in!" Four Azodii Militiamen rushed into the room, pointing white laser rifles in every direction. Lady Denebola stomped in after them, followed by Parksnip Oato.

"Denebola!" Zerk shouted, jumping to his feet.

"Zerk, my darling!" she dashed across the room and swept Zerk's thin and frail body into an embrace. "Oh Zerk! Zerk, is it really is you?"

"Yes, my love!" Zerk wept into her shoulder.

"Oh Zerk! I thought you were lost forever!" Lady Denebola wiped orange blood and tears from her husband's gaunt face. "But - you're so thin! And you're hurt, you're bleeding, and you… phew! You need a bath." Lady Denebola turned and scowled at Antonio Vicchady, who had backed into the corner. "What has this monster done to you?"

"I'm fine, my love," Zerk said. "Mr. Vicchady has been taking excellent care of me. Look! He gave me food, and a place to live. He even gave me a job!"

The Azodii soldiers turned their weapons on Antonio Vicchady, who automatically put his hands in the air. "My god," Vicchady said. "Look at them! Why, you have an entire menagerie of these… Azodii things! Hello, everyone. Hello." He waved weakly.

"Lady Denebola," Parksnip Oato said in a commanding tone. "Please escort Zerk back to the Klargung Cruiser. Have Sylk take a look at him, he needs medical attention."

"Really, I'm fine Parksnip!" Zerk took a step toward the door, then stumbled as his legs gave out from under him. Lady Denebola caught him around the shoulders.

"Help them," Major Kale said to two of her soldiers, who ran to support Zerk under his arms. Another Militiaman slammed the butt of his rifle against the bolt in the floor until the chains broke, and Zerk was no longer tethered to the ground.

"Oh, are we leaving now? Oh. So long, Mr. Vicchady!" Zerk said cheerfully as he limped toward the door. "Thank you so much for everything!"

The four of them crunched over the smoking remains of the security door and left.