After that I lost consciousness due to blood loss, and ended up in the hospital, where they put me in a medically induced coma.

Then I’ve been bedridden for the past several days until I eventually woke up thanks to a miracle of the doctor forgetting to drug me up that day.

Now I’m in the same room with Tolya, the guy I beat up, who also survived the fight, but unlike me didn’t wake up yet and is apparently going to undergo several cranium reconstruction surgeries tomorrow.

Poor guy, but what can I say? Mess with the best, die like the rest!

Now then, you may ask some questions now.

For example, how is it that I’m still alive despite taking a knife quite possibly to a lung, and why I’m still in a regular hospital and not going to jail somewhere?

More plot armor. Duh.

What, did you think that mc of such a novel as this one is going to suffer consequences as any other normal person? Who do you think I am, my name is Long Dong, and I am the ultimate!

….speaking of ultimate, I leveled up earlier, but forgot to chose a perk because I was so fucking high.

[Pharma farma: Find an additional medicine or chems when scavenging] [Lead Belly: Reduced or immunity to radiation damage from food] [Flower Child: 50% less likely to be addicted to chems, and withdrawal time is halved]

All of this is shit! None of that will get me jade beauties!

I close the panel, frustrated.

….no wait, actually flower child would be pretty good right now, given how I’ve been clean for a couple of days already and feeling like shit.

Oh wait, what’s that?

[Kama sutra master: Ignores physical stats in sex-related dialogue options]

That looks really good! Okay, I’ll take it!

DING DING PERK ACQUIRED

Suddenly, a nurse walks in, just as I’m about to enjoy myself with my new perk.

She brings me some food, but no morphine.

“Nurse, I am in pain, I need more dope”

“Ahaha, no, you just want to get high. Your wound has already healed.”

[Persuation failed +1 exp]

“Bitch, if you don’t give me a shot, I’ll just take it myself!

She posed like a jojo, her eyes turned red and evil smirk graced her face.

There was also heavy organ music and wub wub wub playing in the background, just to give the audience more hints that this woman is evil, in case someone missed it.

“Long Dong, you are a fool and also an idiot! You will NEVER steal the morphin from us! Mawahahahaha!”

….she paused for a while, then added…

“Unless….”

Then she told me entire plan of the hospital, the location of daytime and night time patrols, the location of keys to various wards, and finally the place where prescription meds are stored.

“See? Just give up! You will never accomplish it!”

“You idiot, you just explained to me how to do it!”

“The purpose of that was to break your juvenile spirit, I enjoy invoking suffering upon my victims and have them give up before it’s truly over, because I’m not only a professional nurse, but also a sadist!”

From now on, I decided to call her Sadie in my mind, and resolved to do everything in my protagonist power to wipe that arrogant smirk of her face.

Finally, she pointed to the wall.

The plasterwork and paint has fallen off in several places, and it looked like it wasn’t renovated ever since the times of Khrushchev.

In other words, it was an average wall, no different from other walls in russia.

“What’s up with it?”

“No vent shafts! You can’t sneak around in them like in american movies!”

My jaw drops in terror. How does she know I was planning on doing that!?

Sadie is no regular monster of the week!