I have a decent income now, however, I must keep this truth hidden from my friends.

In russia, being rich is seen as a vice, and countless request to borrow money and envy would follow.

That’s why I am drinking the newly bought Finalndia alone, in a hidden bench in local park. It’s a lonely path, but I don’t care, because I am drunk.

Suddenly, I feel an unbelievable stench coming from the nearby bush, and I decide to relocate.

[Quest: investigate the bush]

Fuck you.

Ok, let’s investigate it.

Holding the bottle like a melee weapon, I cautiously approach the shrub, preparing to fight off whatever beast lurks within.

However, what awaits me there, was not a beast...but a drunken hobo, napping in a pool of his own excertment.

Ok, quest completed, right?

….right?

[Quest updated: talk to the hobo]

Fffffffffffffffffffff

“Yo man, you’re doing good?”

The hobo mumbles something along the lines of

“Yob tvayu mat”

….but quickly changes the tone when he sees I’m holding a bottle of sacred liquor in my hand.

“Awawwww young boy, would you be so nice to share this strong spirit with a poor, old man?”

Suddenly, he got more eloquent too.

As he turns to me, I grimace. There is a square piece of paper plastered over where his nose should be.

“Blyat, what happened to your nose?”

“I have syphilis”

“Cool but I didn’t ask about your sex life”

Realizing this opponent is too powerful for me to tackle, I slowly back away, quest be damned. I must have accidently ventured into high level area and didn’t notice!

“Boy, share the bottle with the old man...respect the elders…” that isn’t very convincing coming from a hobo of all people “and I will teach you the Crafting System”

“The what?”

“We hobos, need to learn to make do with what we have to survive. Hence many of us are talented tinkers. We can make all kinda shit out of trash and junk, and the secret to it….” he knocks his head with his dirt stained finger “is gestalt!”

Now I don’t know what geshtalt is and I don’t care, I turn away, and protecting the bottle with my body, run away as soon as I can.

[Quest failed]

Finally, I lose the hobo, and hide under the nearby bridge. The bottle is still mostly full, and It should last me a long time!

However, my hopes are soon shattered when I hear the roaring of several engines.

These pink scooters...can mean only one thing….

It’s the dreaded Biker Mice!

Noticing me, one of the blading gopniks points in my direction and shouts:

“BLYAT it’s that svoloch Long Dong, don’t let him escape!”

I don’t need additional encouragement, and take off immediately.

[Quest: survive]

After a long chase scene that lasted several minutes, I’m finally encircled and find myself in quite a pickle.

[Running failed +1 exp]

They circle around me, but don’t attack. Suddenly, a roaring different than all the others booms through the heavens, and the cordon moves apart, letting the boss in.

I can see that it’s a boss, because unlike the others, he’s driving a quad, and there is a curved sword in his hand.

“Bro, where tf did you get a katana from?”

Bladed weapons are illegal in russia, just like firearms, but it only affects the lawful citizens. Local criminal youth can do whatever they want.

“You philistine” barks the leader, a balder, stronger and meaner specimen than all the rest “This is not a katana! This is a wasabi!”

While he’s busy explaining how his blade was folded 10000 times, forged from superior nihonjin Cold Steel…

….I open up my skill window and desperately look for that one mcguffin op skill that wasn’t foreshadowed before but will save my ass because the plot demands it.

>[Summon fire elemental]

This should do the trick!

I take out a dirty rag out of my pocket(don’t ask what it’s usually for), open the bottle, put the rag inside, close the lid, then whip out a lighter(ever since I got a steady source of income I upgraded matches to lighter) and smirk like a badass I am.

“This entire planet goes down in 5 minutes!”

I ignite the rag, and throw the cocktail at the boss monster.

All the while they just stand around and let me do it, simply because it isn’t their turn and I have a lot of action points. As I observe the bottle fly in an arch in slow motion, I silently thank the game master these guys weren’t hackers.

[Str check failed +1 exp]

Instead of flying 7 hexes the bottle flies only 6, and fails to hit the enemy. It crashes against the front of the quad, grazing it with a very small and insignificant burst of flame.

But…

[Critical hit +20 exp]

The engine started fuming….

“PIZDETS! It caught fire!”

Suddenly everyone’s attention is on the fire and not me.

This is only natural, these elementals have natural affinity for aggroing the mobs.

I calmly leave the scene, whistling a calm tune, as chaos and destruction unfold behind me.

Just as I take a corner, I notice one of the minions run with a two litre bottle of sparkling water, hope and pride painted on his acne-scared face.

“Illya! Illya! Blyat I got the water!”

“My man, that’s my man! Quick, pour it over the gas leak!”

[Quest successful, +20 exp]

I dunno what happened after that, but more screams and swear words followed.