We stood in complete silence in the elevator for about twenty minutes before we reached the CEO’s lair. When we arrived, the man himself came over to pry open the elevator’s doors and welcome us into his office.

“Hello bitches! I’m the CEO and founder of the Soul Bank, and I’m far too important to talk to you people. I’m a busy man! I have work to do, I have meetings to hold, I have money to earn, I have souls to claim, I have horses to bet on, I have ten pools of liquid LSD in my backyard waiting to be splashed in, and I have far more respectable assets than any of you could ever dream of having. With that said, even though conversing with lesser beings such as yourselves will offer no benefit to me whatsoever, I’ll give you permission to speak on one condition: NO horsing around. That’s right, absolutely NONE. If we’re clear, you may begin with whatever verbal poison you intend to administer.” The CEO was completely average looking, but he did have a really nice tie.

Paige, jar of souls in hand, spoke up. “We were wondering if you could put a bail bond on Tchadd for a court case.” Straight to the point, I guess.

“Maybe, but you’ll have to convince me first. See, while I do think that Tchadd is a liar and a snake, and while I certainly wouldn’t mind helping, I want some more suspense. Where’s the drama? The action?!”

I was really beginning to question, at this point, how someone like this managed to become one of the most powerful people in existence.

The CEO looked in my direction. “Let me answer that question that you were thinking just now, bitch! I am the most qualified person for this job in existence. I’ve spent an infinite number of eternities training for this position. I’ve sacrificed the soul of every member of my family, just for fun. I built this empire off the backs of haters like you, and I’ve never once spent even a single soul of our profits. I’d like to ask, Emma Longstone, have you ever built an omnipresent corporation?” He paused. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. You simply aren’t capable of understanding what makes a good leader. Remember that, bitch.”

He was starting to get on my nerves, but Paige remained collected. “Well, as betting on horses is one of your specialities, might you consider betting on our victory as if we ourselves were horses? The race against Tchadd is going to be an ordeal, no doubt, he’s the finest thorough-bred you’ll find in the race. Betting for us is betting for the underdog, high-risk high-reward.”

“You’re a rebellious one, aren’t you? I did specify that there was to be absolutely zero horsing around. I’m not one for gambling on small fry like you, as my luck would ensure your victory and a very dull match, but you have proven yourself to be worthy. Very well, I will tell Tchadd that his soul is forfeit if he does not show up to court. Bring this to any court of your choosing: I trust that you, Paige, will make the correct decision.” Out of his pocket, the CEO produced a ‘Take Tchadd to Court’ voucher and handed it to Paige.

We gathered our composure and walked backwards into the elevator, taking care never to break eye contact with the CEO as seemed to be custom in the multiverse, until he violently shut the doors with his own hands. Olivia pressed the button labelled ‘Losers (Not CEO)’, and we descended back to ground level.