WEDDING DAY

T-MINUS 1:34

Just in time for the wedding!

Kyoko slammed her shoulder into the door to the... Oh, this was somebody's house. Crap. Sorry, uhm. She stepped out and shut the door quietly. It was 1138 Forest Drive, not 1337, where the wedding was being held. This situation was a little too dire for Kyoko to be lollygagging and mixing up addresses, so she was understandably embarrassed at doing exactly that.

Actually, she realized when she reached her true destination, there was no room to burst into at all; the wedding was outside, along one of the million canals in Xochimilco. It was one of Kyoko's more favorite parts of Mexico City, so she was giddy that Madoka and Homura picked here as the location.

Amassed in the canal behind the site of the wedding was a bunch of funny-looking trajineras, which were weird colorful gondolas that were all over the place in Xochimilco. Kyoko could only assume they were going to be used for silly post-ceremony games like extreme water polo, and Real-Life Battleship.

Ah, Mexico, what a strange place you are compared to the conventional, mundane customs of dear old Japan.

Speaking of Japan WOW look at all these guests in such a small space. Must have been two or three hundred. There was Totoro, who used to be Kyoko's neighbor. Kyoko waved but she received nothing in return. Sigh, every time they hit the big leagues it's always the same. Every single Pretty Cure was there, or at least she assumed since they all looked the same. Hi, red one. And hi, other red one. And hi, all fifty blueish purple ones. The original two, Nagisa and Honoka, were still recognizable from the rest, though they were much older now; they were married about a decade back and had four kids. They were chatting with fellow couple Nanoha and Fate, who were married about the same time but were never able to overcome that tricky problem of same-sex reproduction, so they only had that adopted brat Vivo. Those four looked like they had some good times back in the day, the way they were catching up. As they spoke, Sakura and Syaoran, the only heterosexual couple in magical girl history, came up and joined in as well. That card capturing chick was always such a stuck up little... Hey, look... Hey! There was Mami To- Oh, that was only CREAMY Mami. Ugh. And looks like the Sailors were “too important” to show up once again (don't ask about the previous times). The Fantastic Four were here, though only the version from the 2005 movie, and so was John Madden. Wait. Next to those Rayearth chicks.... Was that... No way. It was Tommy! No, not Wiseau-- the one from the Power Rangers! That long, flowing ponytail... so dreamy. Kyoko was utterly captivated by his luscious hair, going into a state of complete trance.

“You ogling him too?” Kyoko jumped. She turned around to find Sayaka leaning against the refreshments table, sipping her punch and giving a naughty stare off into the mid-distance.

“Y-yeah, of course I am. Who wouldn't, huh? Kyoko folded her arms.

“A lesbian wouldn't,” she snickered. Kyoko's face turned red, but she wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or anger. “You were totally just looking at his hair.”

“Totally not. I'm as straight as you.”

“Lol.” Yes, she actually said that out loud. “You're wearing a plaid dress, dude.”

“Oh yeah? And you're wearing... a perfectly normal dress! Bam!”

“And you and I both know how straight I am, anyway....” She raised her foot and tapped Kyoko's ankle repeatedly. Kyoko had half a mind to pull out her lance-nunchuck thing and slice the little pest in two. Her other half was inclined for her to pull out her lance-nunchuck thing and stab her in the chest 23 times. “'Course, if you don't remember, I can def-- Ow!” Nah, a punch in the face worked well enough.

“Listen here bub,” Kyoko said in her best Cal Dodd impersonation. “You tell me where Madoka is or the only way anybody'll know your sexuality is from your autopsy report!” Kyoko grabbed a cheese cube off the refreshments table and chomped it for the extra intimidation factor.

“Wha.... Huh? That doesn't even make sense.”

“Eh, I tried.” She ate six more cheese cubes in one bite. Mmm, these were pretty good. “Sorry, my dialogue is being guest-written this chapter by Rob Liefeld.” She put Sayaka down and turned around, continuing to search with her eyes for any major source of pink hair. Well, besides all twenty pink-haired Cures.

“Why are you looking for her?” Sayaka asked. She began to start wobbling a little for some reason.

Kyoko munched on the entire bowl of crackers. “Gotta tell her something important. Super important.”

“Yeah, and I'm the Queen of England....” Sayaka tripped over thin air and crashed onto the ground. Now she got dirt all over her dress! What were they gonna do with her...

“Sayaka, why are you drunk at a wedding.”

“Y'know, I really think the humor went downhill in this story after chapter 3. You know what I'm saying?” Yep, completely drunk.

“Sayaka. Stop being intoxicated this instant and tell me where Madoka is. You have been absolutely useless thus far but it's of vital importance. Super vital.”

“Calm down,” Sayaka said. She hopped back onto her feet and poured a glass of punch, handing it to Kyoko. “She'll be here any minute, don't worry. The wedding stuff can't all happen without her, y'know?”

“No! It can't wait that long! It's about--” Kyoko looked down at her cup and realized she had already drunk the entire thing, in between breaths while talking. That's gotta be a record or something. “Can I...?”

“Yeah.” Sayaka refilled it and handed it back. “Kyoko, it's okay bro. It's not a life or death situation, is it?” She took the cup and refilled it again, since Kyoko had already inhaled it.

“Well...” Wait, WAS it a life or death situation? She.. She couldn't remember. Ugh, why was it so hard to recall...

“By the way,” Sayaka grinned. “Totally spiked the punch. You like?” Sayaka's form wobbled back and forth like an amoeba. If Kyoko could move her limbs anymore she would sock her right in the... right in the... Why was everything getting so blurry?

“Oh hey look, there's Homura,” Sayaka said. Kyoko tried to turn her head, but it was easier just to turn her whole body... and fall to the ground. Then the lights turned dim. Then she fell asleep.

WEDDING DAY

T-MINUS 1:11