“Where the heck did that Homura chick go?” Sayaka asked loudly and yell-ily. She, Crispina, and Nagisa were still hiding in their super-secret really terrible hidden base, essentially doing nothing for the past hour or two.

“Weren’t you listening?” Crispina scolded. “She said she was going to go save the Madokas. She left before any of us could help us probably because she doesn’t intend on succeeding.”

“That’s rude, morbid, and also lame,” Sayaka said.

“I dunno,” a voice from right behind them said. “It was rude and morbid, but probably completely true.” It was that desaturated villain, Negasayaka! Or Sayakan’t! Her name changed sometimes!

Sayaka immediately used some magic and summoned her dual cutlasses. Crispina raised her Macuahuitl, which besides being hard to pronounce was a very cool and effective weapon, and Nagisa raised her bubble trumpet thing in a much less badass way than the other two.

“What do you want?” Sayaka asked.

“Nothing. I just want the futility of life to bleed through everything.” At this, Negasayaka summoned two cutlasses into her hands (with magic, obviously) and charged at them. They all dodged, and she ran into a nearby wall, taking the whole thing down with it. It was obviously not very sturdy but it was still surprising to see such a small girl blow up so much stuff so easily.

“You know what.. I’ll deal with this myself,” Sayaka said. “You two stand back.” They stepped back as Sayaka stepped forward. “Hey, Sayakan’t, let’s do this thing. Womano-a-Womano.”

“My name… is Negasayaka.” She burst out of the rubble of the collapsed wall and lunged at Sayaka.

The four cutlasses involved in this really intense clash of swords began slicing at each other and clanging with the best sound effects THX could offer. Thanks, Ben Burtt, for your help with this fan fiction.

Sayaka did a fancy and over-animated flip to get behind Negasayaka and did a horizontal slash, trying to end this, but Negasayaka ducked, dropped to the ground, did two quick pushups, then stood on her hands and jumped into the air. She threw both her cutlasses into the air, and when she landed on her feet, she caught them and threw them at Sayaka. Sayaka moved out of the way just in time to avoid being impaled twice in a row.

Negasayaka’s cutlasses hit the other wall and burst through it. It, too, collapsed into dust and rubble. Sayaka took the quick second to get some slices in at Negasayaka, but she had already summoned new cutlasses by the time she did it.

The four swords met with each other as the two Sayakas pushed them towards each other. Sparks flew from the swords, which was totally physically possible.

“This… This isn’t working,” Sayaka said. “So let’s change this up.” Sayaka had enough with this quadruple-cutlass nonsense. She raised her cool magic katana-and-wakizashi combo, getting into a badass samurai stance. “Fight me!” She shouted.

“You know, I don’t really care about this enough to--” Sayaka dashed at Negasayaka and sliced her twice, bisecting her both horizontally and vertically. It was over in an instant.

Sayaka sheathed her swords. “I’m going to switch to samurai weapons from now on,” she told Crispina and Nagisa. “Way better.”

“That was totally awesome!” Nagisa shouted in a high-pitched cutesy squeal. She probably would have jumped into the air, too, except it would have looked weird for someone who was six feet three inches tall.

“Yeah, I think so too.” Negasayaka, already healed, stood back up, though she balanced herself on her cutlasses. “I’ve decided that I give up and I want to join you guys. It’s pointless to stay here and do nothing anyway.”

“You’re… Yeah, why not?” Sayaka patted Negasayaka on the back and pushed her forward like an aggressive softball teammate. “As long as you don’t try to kill anyone indiscriminately. Killing is wrong.”

“Well… That’s a very subjective point. Killing doesn’t matter from a viewpoint where life doesn’t matter in any instance except for the conceptions and deaths of history. From the looks of this universe, there is no more history to be had; Walpurgisnacht and Kiiko destroyed any chance at that.”

“Shut up, bro.”

And so they continued to wait for Neoakemi to arrive back, hopefully with the other Madokas in tow. Then they could escape from this wretched place and return to the cool original universe. Sayaka really wanted to get back. She was really craving some honey right now...