“Bubblegum Blitzzzzz!!!” the Candyman practically buzzed, suddenly, above us, pink bubblegum began to rain down, covering the floor. Wherever I ran, a piece would fall in front of me. I backpedalled as soon as I saw a giant one drop, and fell over backward, straight into a piece of gum, I was stuck, along with everyone. Everyone but Star Breaker.

“LeCroux!” he yelled, outside of the range of the gum storm, which then came to a halt.

“Oh my! If it isn’t Star Breaker! I’m afraid I’ve already cleaned up this mess without you! But you could consider helping me knock them out and get them in the van!”

“So you do have a white van, you fucking liar!” Sal hollered angrily for… I think humor reasons?

“Aaaactually, my van is turquoise. Not white. Thus, not a lie.”

“Oh. Still! Why are you kidnapping us?”

“Brings back nice memories. Also, I am tasked with doing so by my superior, and The Candyman always delivers! I also do child delivery.”

“Oh great, he’s a child kidnapper.” Twee chimed in, unimpressed.

“I meant I deliver babies, like as a nurse, I have a medical license. I used to be in the child kidnapping business too though, but-”

“Just shut up and fucking take us away to Candyland.” Twee groaned, the absurdity of this human was too much for any of us to even handle.

“You do not want to go to Candyland, missy. That’s my bedroom, and I don’t do it with girls that have backwards titties.”

“Shut up!” Twee said, self conscious about her growing wings that, now that he mentioned it, do kinda look like reverse boobies.

“What are-” Sal began.

“How could you, Roland!?” Twee shouted at Star Breaker, and now I guess his name has been revealed.

“Twee! I swear, I had nothing to do with this!” he pleaded for her mercy. He wouldn’t even be able to plead if Twee wasn’t stuck in the largest piece of chewing gum I’d ever seen.

“Alright everybody! Shut the truck up!” LeCroux yelled, and summoned little red lollipops right in front of our mouths. “Open wide!”

I smelt it, it was cherry flavored, also known as the worst fruit ever to turn into candy. But it forced its way into my mouth. I started feeling extremely sleepy, I’m glad to know I can tell my friends one day that I have been put to sleep by sucking a doused lollipop.

I also hoped that this wasn’t being recorded. This must have looked… suggestive.

“Roland, was it?” LeCroux hummed as he drove the turquoise van filled with the unconscious bodies of Twee, Sal, Selene, and Quincy through the night. He was headed down into town, with his passenger sure of why they were headed there.

“Star Breaker.” Roland corrected, ashamed to have his secret identity out.

“Your little secret is safe with me, galaxy fingers.” Roland knew otherwise.

“I was gonna chat with you guys in the morning… You didn’t need to kidnap them. I was actually planning on them just coming in for a visit.”

“Hey, that’s not my choice. You’ll have to take that whole shabingbang up with Ms. Demistile. It was her idea.”

“Not that I’d have much sway.”

“Aw, get over your bad attitude, Rol- I mean Star Breaker! Courtney is always open to suggestions.”

“From you, maybe, but I’m new. I’m just nervous, is all.”

“You needn’t worry, my friend. You are family here. Le Tribunal des Voleurs always treats it’s new selects quite well.” LeCroux said with a perfect french pronunciation.

“Yeah… you’re right. But please, turn down the mastery of French just a little.”

“Merci mais non.” he replied fully in French, irking Roland further.

“I know what that means, man.”

“Exactly.”

I didn’t know how long that lollipop put me out for. I knew though that I had been asleep for a long, long while. And I could only assume we weren’t headed to the cops, so at that, I had no idea where we were even headed.

Not to sound cynical, but kidnapping is a cheap way of forcing people to go somewhere. ‘Oh, but, Quincy! Isn’t that the dictionary definition of the word?’ you may bring up.

And to that I say… You’re definitely right.

So much disrespect these days, I have to say. Just lemme be right even if I’m wrong.

What the heck am I doing? I am so woozy and dizzy, but so full of energy at the same time, my legs twitched every so often, and my brain couldn’t stop monologuing to itself, like you’ve just heard.

Is this what drugs are like? If so, I’m making a blood pact right now to never do them again.

Suddenly I regained a bit of sensation, my hearing returned, and so did my smell, but I wish the latter didn’t.

Have you ever seen or had a candy jar with an assortment of candy inside? Well, if you have ever smelt the inside of that, that’s the god-awful sickly sweet aroma I was forced to endure.

“And so plyhagama kernaway candy corn, and chocolate! I gave the guy like ten ounces of the stuff and he vomited aloda eoore!” someone said in complete gibberish, my tired brain not able to truly understand half of the words.

Also, did this fucker poop candy or some shit? He was obsessive as fuck with the stuff. All I heard was like candy corn and chocolate. I’m assuming that was LaCroix or whatever the hell his name was.

More sensations returned as I tumbled around, now feeling the floor returning to me and the sound of tires across gravel. The ground felt like a carpet of some sort which I now felt sympathetic for because I was probably going to vomit all over it just like the dude Dr. Candy Crush fed his plyhagama to.

The bumps tossed me and shook me up, until I started to realize my arms were bound in what I think is a fucking super strong and long Twizzler.

“Almost there.” I heard him say. I needed to be fully conscious by the time we got there, and hopefully wake the others up too. If we could wake up, I knew we had a chance to break out and make a run for it.

My eyes opened, but I held myself completely still. The back of the van was completely dark, but littered with colorful objects ripe to catch a child’s attention, I’m guessing once a child kidnapper, always a child kidnapper.

There were clouds and sky painted across the walls, a couple plastic dinosaurs, a large plush bear, and some action figures of popular superheroes. Unfortunately, I didn’t see any Marionette action figures.

My friends were flopped across the floor, all still asleep like babies. Except for Selene, who somehow managed to lie on her back, with her legs directly up in the air, leaning on the wall in a sort of sitting position. I still assumed she slept fine, since she slept the deepest when she was in an obscure pose. Or at least that’s what I’ve witnessed as her brother.

I decided I’d wake Twee up first, since she’d probably be reasonable. I think. Selene in hindsight would have been better, but I thought she needed the sleep the most because she had to endure Sal’s stupidity for the longest. Also, Twee was far better than all three of us in combat, and she could easily fight off any opposition to our escape.

I slid over to Twee with the momentum of a bump in the road, as to pretend I was still asleep. I tapped her on the face, knowing she was a little sensitive there. She stayed silent, but she did roll over, meaning she had some sort of consciousness.

I looked back while the driver’s weren’t looking. Luckily, he didn’t have a mirror on his dash due to the back of the van not having a window (which is still illegal), so I would luckily not be spotted super easily, but that did mean being cautious.

Although, when I looked up there, I saw them coming over a hill, and in the valley stood some sort of large fancy building, they were in fact almost there as he’d stated.

I decided this needed to happen, and fast.

I shook Twee’s arm, yet she didn’t budge. I knew only one thing would wake her up.

I’d give into my basest instincts. My like pretty woman, pretty woman need wake up, woman like me lips, me make lips touch.

And of course, her eyes flung open as I went in for the kiss…

I quickly and panickedly flung a finger over her mouth and did head signals over to the drivers. She luckily got the message and didn’t leap into a fit of rage.

Thankfully neither The Candyman nor Star Breaker noticed us.

“When they get out of the car, you are gonna hop in the front and drive us away.” I whispered to Twee at the lowest possible volume I could.

She nodded woozily, getting the message. I then realized Twee didn’t really have keys. But then I also remembered she can throw a car at someone with her powers, so moving us wouldn’t be too hard I assumed.

Just then, the vehicle stopped.

“Be nice to her, she can be a little fickle. But I’m sure she’ll be happy we have some new blood.” The Candyman said. I didn’t like the sound of that. We had to get out and avoid joining this teenage vampire cult, right away! At least, that’s what it sounds like to me.

The two front doors opened and the men hopped out, Twee scowling at Roland’s back as he exited the vehicle. I’m sure she had similar thoughts about his timely betrayal.

As soon as they got out of sight, we made our move, hopping up and stumbling over to the driver seats, which luckily weren’t blocked by metal bars or anything like a sensible kidnapper would put up to prevent their prisoner from strangling them or something… I wondered why as Twee took the wheel and began to focus. The van began to shake as her horns began to shine a crimson red.

The trunk door opened and I turned back to see the stunned faces of Roland and LeCroux as the van levitated off the ground and began to fly.

“Yes! It worked!”

And then the back began to tip, spilling Selene and Sal down onto the ground below.

“Fuck! It didn’t work!”