I read all the letters one by one while reminiscing about the past when we were young. Nothing excited me more than writing all these letters that day and nothing hurt me the most after reading them ten years later.

After reading them all, I put the letters back in the cardboard, then took out an old Polaroid camera that was in it. I looked at it with a smile as the good memories of our past came back to me.

This was my camera which I used to photograph Chunghee secretly. Unfortunately, after that, I accidentally dropped it when I was about to go to my part-time workplace on my bicycle and this camera got damaged so that not many moments could be captured in it.

However, I didn't regret buying it. At least, one photo of Chunghee that I had kept up to now was precious enough to me.

After putting the camera back into the cardboard, I put the cardboard back in its original place, then immediately walked out of this room.

When I was in the living room, I suddenly froze right in the mid of the room. I looked around this room with feeble eyes and began to see Chunghee's shadow in the place where he always waited for me to come home. I knew that I was hallucinating, but I didn't mean to wake myself up. At least, this way I could see Chunghee's figure even though it wasn't real.

I moved closer to the sofa and stared at the sofa with a weak smile as the shadows of Chunghee appeared in my eyes.

When I came home from work, he would always be here waiting for me. No matter how tired he was, he would always sit here until he fell asleep. And once he woke up as I was here, he would smile while welcoming me with a smile where no one had the same beauty as his.

Until he might be tired lately out of my attitude that has always ignored him all this time, so he no longer waited for me here and chose to sleep early. In the end, after he never got any attention, he... left.

"What have I done..." I muttered to myself.

Lately, I had always cursed myself, "Why are you so stupid?! Why did you ignore him all this time?! Why are you torturing him?! You idiot!"

However, all I could do was kept quiet, lamenting over myself and my stupidity which had plunged me into the abyss of regret and no one could help me to climb.

I took a deep breath, then walked back to the dining table.

On the dining table, there were two bowls of bone soup — Chunghee's favorite winter soup. I made it a few minutes ago, but never I wanted to touch it.

I just made it and left it as I thought that eating by myself at this table made me feel even more lonely.

However, after remembering that Chunghee was never wasted food, I sat there with a heavy heart. I stared at the cold soup for a long time before finally, taking a sip of soup.

My tongue felt numb. I couldn't identify the taste of this soup, whether it was good or mediocre — it was bland on my tongue. And as soon as I swallowed, a bitter taste seemed to make me want to vomit it.

I struggled to swallow this soup while tearing up like a kid who was forced to eat the food he didn't like. I didn't know since when I was as whiny as this or was this the first time in my life?

Staring at the bowl of soup in front of me, I imagined how I had been with Chunghee while eating this soup in the cold winter of four years ago — that was for the last time for us — and in the years that followed, I never cared anymore after our big fight three years ago.

I wondered about how he spent his time alone at the dining table when I wasn't home? Was he crying too? Did he also struggle to swallow the food he chewed?

If it was true, he was much stronger than me. Physically I was far superior to him, but mentally, I admit he was the strongest. Compared to him, I am nothing.

He must have felt really lonely at the time, while I was having a lot of fun out there with other people. It was just that he never brought it up.

Maybe this was the best way for us to go. If he was with me any longer, I was afraid he would feel even more depressed ....

Unable to bear it, I felt my stomach starting to feel nauseous. I immediately got up from the chair and ran to the sink, then vomited all the food.

Cleaning my lips, I paused for a moment and felt that I could no longer swallow anything but misery.

After cleaning all the bowls, I went into the bedroom and sat on the bed with a blank mind. I glanced at the clock on the bedside table which showed five in the afternoon. After that, I laid down facing Chunghee's bed that was always empty. I suddenly felt my longing double.

However, as there is nothing I could do now, I immediately pulled the blanket up to cover my whole body up to my head.

I forced myself to sleep, through this day that seemed so long gone that just in the middle of the night, I woke up all of a sudden like someone who had just had a bad dream.

I probably just had a bad dream, but as there were so many feelings I felt, I couldn't remember anything but just kept feeling nervous and nervous.

While continuing to catch my breath, I felt my hands trembled violently. I picked it up and saw how my hands were trembling. Looking at my state, I was sure that there was something wrong with me and it must be bad.

However, I could no longer feel worried about myself at all, even showing that worried expression on my face. I couldn't remember the last time I did.

This is really bad ....

But, I don't care....

Even if I die, I still won't care....

I fell back asleep that night and woke up late the next day.

At 9:00 am. After getting dressed neatly, I immediately got out of the apartment and headed to the basement.

At there, I got into the car. After fastening the seat belt, I didn't immediately drive the car but remained silent, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

I stared ahead blankly. Actually, I didn't know what I wanted to do right now. All I had in my head was a desire to visit the places where Chunghee and I had been, but I didn't know why I should do all that. And, stupidly, my body moved on its own to obey what my head was thinking.

Three minutes later, I immediately started the engine, then drove the car out of the basement to the highway.

Today, the weather was bright, not as bright as what I felt now. If this morning the sun was shining brightly, but I seemed to see this world as if it was shrouded in a fog of darkness as well as emptiness. I felt like living alone in this world.

Until twenty minutes later, I arrived at a university and immediately parked the car. As soon as I got out of the car, the atmosphere of this university immediately took me into a deep nostalgia.

This university was the place where Chunghee and I went to college and of course, there were many memories that I couldn't forget in this place. From the first time I confessed my feelings to him until when we graduated. Everything was still obvious in my head.

I walked slowly, spotting one by one the places I passed, which were still very familiar to me. Since the university had not undergone much renovation, I could still recognize its parts very well.

However, since I came just to have a look, so I didn't intend to go inside the hall and just sat down when I saw a park that had not even changed at all since then.

I was quite impressed by this familiar atmosphere, but the memories at this place seemed to be much more stinging than I thought.

Since it was winter, the flowers in this garden had already fallen. After all, when it was in spring, this park always looked beautiful and stunning. I also still remembered obviously, this was the place where I kissed Chunghee for the first time. And out of that, the head of the university found out about it so we both got into huge trouble that time.

Heh, in the first place, I was the one who got Chunghee into trouble that time.

Thinking about it, I felt guilty and silly at the same time. Since then, I had always gotten Chunghee into trouble though.