I suddenly remembered everything.

So, that's why he was short of breath at that time ....

So, that's why he coughed up blood ....

I saw him tormented before my eyes when we met for the last time in Sokcho. However, I never thought he would have this serious problem.

Seeing me as if lost my soul, Hoonsik gently touched my arm, trying to calm me down.

Suddenly a bitter smile appeared on my face. I looked at Hoonsik with eyes that had lost hope, and said four words very pitifully, "This is my fault."

"It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself, sir," Hoonsik said sincerely.

However, those words didn't comfort me at all apart from adding to my suffering. I felt like my world had shattered and there was no place for me to live anymore.

"Mr. Park," After a long time no one spoke to each other, Hoonsik suddenly said amidst my tears, "Do you remember the document I gave you a while ago? You have to sign it, sir. Mr. Lee wants you to use the money for medication."

I replied in a weak voice as if there was regret that made it difficult for me to speak, "I'm going abroad with Daehyun. I don't deserve to sign anything."

"But, this is the wish of Mr. Lee, sir. You can't ignore it," Hoonsik confirmed.

I paused. I felt that I didn't deserve anything from him, so I chose not to sign it. Yet, I knew that Hoonsik would definitely stick with his words, and would still force me to sign it. So I made a pact, "I'll continue my medication. But someone has promised to fulfill it. So, just donate the money on behalf of both of us. It's better than saving it for myself."

Hoonsik looked at me with rejection in his eyes but he couldn't say it, so he just stared at me without a word.

Taking a deep breath, I said again, "I'm glad you came here and told me everything. This way, I know what I didn't know before. So now, would you like to leave? I want to rest first. And, give Donghwa's belongings to Sunyeon. I'm sure he can take care of them."

Hoonsik opened his mouth, about to speak, but I didn't let him by saying, "Please, leave. I want to rest first."

Finishing my sentence, I stood up slowly, then walked towards the door, and opened it for Hoonsik to quickly leave this place — leaving me alone.

Maybe this was a little too much when it came to kicking someone out. However, after the many things Hoonsik said today, I felt like I needed to be alone to calm my soul.

Hoonsik was silent. Until finally, he sighed heavily, then picked the things, leaving the bouquet. He then walked towards the door taking them reluctantly and worriedly when he saw me.

However, as he was about to pass me, he suddenly exclaimed, "Ah, I almost forgot!" He took something out of his pocket, said as he handed it to me, "Here, this letter was found on Mr. Lee's desk. This is for you."

I froze for a moment while staring at the letter, then grabbed it hesitantly. The letter was folded unkemptly but I hadn't opened it yet and just continue to stare at it in silence.

Until Hoonsik said again, "Go rest, sir. If you want to see Mr. Lee's ashes, just call me using Mr. Lee's cell phone. I will take you to the ashes house." Pausing for a moment, he added, "Then I'll go first."

I had not said a word until the end. I just kept staring at the letter in my hand nervously, then slowly closed the door.

Taking a deep breath, I tried hard to keep myself from opening the letter now. So, I walked over to the table and looked at the bouquet on it.

In this room, in this silence and painful sadness, I still forced a quivering smile on my lips, which could no longer show the tears and joy on my face. I then carried the bouquet to the bedroom.

Sitting on the bed, I looked at the letter again and decided to read it. My heart was pounding as I opened the letter. And as soon as I saw the writing of the letter, grief-filled my heart again.

It was obvious that this was Donghwa's handwriting. The writing wasn't neat but still legible. In the past, I used to make fun of how he wrote letter by letter, but now I felt I missed him so much.

However, as I read the greetings in this letter, tears were already streaming down my face. But, I didn't want to stop, and kept reading it until the end even though it hurt!

My heart, which had been shattered into pieces before, was now in excruciating pain again, carried away by a torrent of sadness — even more pathetic than all these sadness.

Honestly, this couldn't be said "too painful", it was more than that!

In this letter, there were feelings of pain and complaints that he said. It made me feel what he felt when he wrote all the words in it.

Reading it all, made the guilt inside me stronger than ever. I wanted to die at this very second and erased all the painful memories that would only continue to make me cry and hurt. It was the cruelest torture that seemed to be made specially to punish me ...

No ....

But, to punish both of us ....

Everything was like a crushing machine that had no sense of fatigue and pity!

After reading it all, my body instantly went limp. I fell on the bed, laying limp helplessly.

Now, it was like I had lost all my strength. I was even crying without tears anymore. Everything was too heavy to bear and too sad for a cry. I lost everything and accumulated a lot of pain. I was mentally dead and just waiting to die biologically.

I didn't think that I would be alone like this ....

In my own house ....

In the middle of the void, suddenly a faint shadow of Donghwa appeared and smiled, laying right in front of me, like a light in the darkness, which warmed me from the cold winter that felt endless.

I smiled. Even though the figure was just a hallucination, it looked real and far more real than anything else.

However, it also hit me at the same time and immediately woke me up. Now, I realized that we were both old men who were still crazy about each other, but never wanted to say it.

***

(I will update Donghwa's letter at the end! UwU)