Arriving at Dr. Jeong's office, there wasn't only Dr. Jeong over here. Now, he seemed with a doctor who was about forty to forty-five years old. They seemed to be talking about something but paused as soon as I entered the room.

As soon as I sat down, Dr. Jeong immediately introduced the doctor, "This is Dr. Kang, a neurologist. We just discussed a few things. So, he will explain some important things to you, sir."

​​

I didn't say anything but my eyes expressed impatience.

I hoped there was some good news to put me at ease.

Dr. Kang sat beside Dr. Jeong in front of me, he cleared his throat, "I've seen the CT scan of Mr. Park's craniotomy (skull bone). When I observed the position of the cancer cells in Mr. Park's head, it is in a very risky location—"

"Please, do something to save him, doc!" I immediately stood up while interrupting impatiently before the doctor finished his sentence, "Whatever the cost, I'll take care of it all!"

After all, I just wanted them to put all their skills and expertise in medicine to save Chunghee!

"Um, Mr. Kim, please listen to Dr. Kang's explanation first," Dr. Jeong said, trying to calm me down in a polite tone while asking me to sit back down.

So, I tried to steady myself and sat back down to listen to the explanation from the doctor named Dr. Kang.

Dr. Kang explained again quietly, "The cancer cells grow in a location that is difficult to reach. If surgery is done, then only 30% - 40% will be removed and the rest, we can only hope that chemotherapy and radiotherapy will inhibit the growth of remaining cancer."

"Doc, please, do your best," I begged, "If it's 30% - 40%, it's not even half. I don't really know much about surgery, but isn't that percentage quite a bit?"

Dr. Kang took a deep breath. "That's just a possibility, sir. We will definitely do our best to remove as many cells as we can. The rest will be chemotherapy and radiotherapy. That will be done by Dr. Jeong by post-surgery."

"So, after the surgery, will he be able to recover totally with the follow-up treatment?" I asked curiously.

"Um ...," Dr. Jeong interjected, "Glioblastoma is malignant cancer. It also spreads very quickly because this type of cancer can supply its own blood. I'm sorry to say this but, a person who is suffering from Glioblastoma has [1] a poor prognosis. And also, basically, Glioblastoma treatment aims to retard and control its growth, not to cure it. So, I can't guarantee if he can totally recovery with the medication."

Dr. Jeong paused, glanced at Dr. Kang took a moment before continuing, "Plus, since Mr. Park hasn't had any treatment so far, now, after having a medical check, cancer has invaded his spinal cord."

My eyes immediately widened open after hearing his explanation. I froze, speechless for a moment, before frantically asking Dr. Jeong, "But, didn't he always collect medicine from you before?"

"Yes, but the medicines are only to reduce symptoms and pain, not to inhibit the growth of cancer cells in his head, sir," Dr. Jeong replied.

I instantly went limp after knowing that. Taking a breath to make myself relax, now I started cursing inside.

I didn't know why you could allow yourself to suffer all this time instead of you having to take treatment.

I didn't know ....

I was angry ....

Furious ....

But, I couldn't rebuke him even if I wanted to ....

Dr. Kang suddenly made a voice, "Besides, even if we have a craniotomy surgery, we should also immediately do a spinal cord transplant for him. Otherwise—"

"Just do it, doc!" I yelled.

"We will, but it's very difficult to find anyone willing to donate a spinal cord. Even if there is, it wouldn't necessarily match, sir. I've asked about this in several hospitals, but they don't provide it."

Hearing about this, I immediately lowered my head, covering my eyes with my palms. Now, I felt like I wanted to cry but I couldn't and it hurt so much.

Suddenly Dr. Jeong said as if bringing a glimmer of hope to me, "I have a few patients who are willing to donate some of their organs. I'll check later if anyone wants to donate spinal cord."

I immediately held Dr. Jeong's hand, saying to him gratefully, "Thank you, doc! Please, do your best for him, I'm begging! If you want me to do something, just say so! As long as I can, I will!"

Dr. Jeong smiled. "We can only hope for the best, sir."

I smiled too.

A few moments later, I asked, "So when can he have surgery?"

"Ah, we will do it as soon as possible, sir, if Mr. Park's condition is getting better this week, we can do it next week," Dr. Jeong replied.

Dr. Kang added, "Yes, that's right. I've also seen some of the tests and there are some things that made us have to postpone the surgery. I've also discussed this with the surgical oncologist and decided to have surgery next week if the tests are successful."

I didn't say anything. I just thought that next week was too long. However, considering that they were more knowledgeable about the procedures, I could only agree without any comment.

Shortly after, Dr. Jeong said as he handed me a piece of paper, "Sir, all stage four cancer patients in this hospital will be asked for approval whether they will donate their organs or not. So, please give this to Mr. Park. I hope he will—"

But, before Dr. Jeong had time to finish his sentence, I was already up and grabbed the collar of his coat. I yelled furiously right in his face, "You said you would do what's best for him! Then, what do you mean by asking him to donate his organs?! So this was just a covert intention from you two, huh?!"

Dr. Jeong and Dr. Kang looked surprised.

Dr. Kang tried to calm me down, "Sir, sir, listen, it's a procedure in this hospital. We'll do our best to save his life. However, it's just a preparation in case we fail."

Dr. Jeong added as he tried to release my grip on his neck, "Right, what Dr. Kang said is true. We will do our best. The approval letter is just in case."

Their words didn't make me feel any better, even get angrier. But, since my hope was in the two of them, I immediately released my grip, suppressing my emotions with difficulty.

Tiding up his coat, Dr. Jeong continued, "Mr. Park is my patient. I can't possibly take advantage of that. So, please give this to Mr. Park when he wakes up. He is free to choose whether he wants to donate his organs or not." Paused for a second, he continued, "And you can leave now. I'll contact you again if I need to discuss something with you."

I gritted my teeth while clenching my fists tightly, glared at both of them angrily.

And, with no choice, I immediately snatched the consent letter from them, then left the room by slamming the door.

On the outside, my anger slowly faded, replaced by a deeper sadness, even I felt a tremendous pain in my chest that couldn't be painted in words.

I looked at the letter as I was about to head to the room where Chunghee was being treated. However, finding it very difficult to show this letter to Chunghee, I stopped in the middle of the hospital corridor, staggered aside and leaned against the wall limply, then slumped to the ground helplessly.

I clutched my hair, feeling a mess for the day. The feeling of dilemma, sadness, anger, fear, all of them felt stifling in my chest. I had a mixed feeling that made me be at the lowest point.

I looked at this approval letter for a long time and smiled ironically. Seeing what was written in this letter made me have a bad feeling about this.

However, I kept trying to convince myself that this was not the end. Dr. Jeong said Chunghee was a lucky person, and I hoped he would stay this lucky.

The only thing I hoped for now was the doctors. I just couldn't lose Chunghee too soon.

I just found him. Even though our togetherness wasn't based on love, I still didn't regret anything. If I did regret it, I couldn't have stuck with him this far.

As long as I could be with him any longer; take care of him; and treat him well; then that was more than enough. He didn't need to love me that fast. I could wait for him to fall in love with me again. But, what's important now was how comfortable he felt when he was with me.

So, I wanted him to fight for life one more time so he could give me a chance to prove all my words.

The passersby in this corridor kept on staring at me. They might see me stressed, but I was more than that. I felt so miserable with this situation because it was too much hurt to lose someone a second time.

[1] Poor life expectancy.