Shang He stared at the sleeping Meng Gui lying beside him. His fair skin was covered in green and purple marks and bites. It was obvious how fierce they rolled in the sheets, that were now creased and even looked about to be torn in the edges. It was after they finished did Meng Gui finally tell him about what he has seen, between him and that merchant's daughter.

Shang He felt anger and regret. He really doesn't remember what happened that time. He only remembered that that girl called him, telling him that her father is calling him, only to know later that the water she gave him was drugged. Perhaps her feelings towards him are sincere, since she didn't tell the officials, that later took her away with her arrested father and his friends, that there was one extra person inside the room.

But, Shang He didn't feel grateful to her. He hated her because she took advantage of him. So, when he followed after Meng Gui, xiao San, and the other children, he didn't tell them what happened to him. If he had just known that he and Meng Gui would end up like this, he would've swallowed his shame right then and there and told him what happened to him. If he did, he and Meng Gui might be living together now in bliss.

But, there are no 'ifs' in this world, since the past can't be changed. "Ah Yan." He softly called. "I know you're not asleep." He said.

Meng Gui stirred, and then slowly turned to face him. "What? Was I mistaken from what I've seen?" he asked.

"You're not." Shang He answered. "Although I don't remember what happened between me and her, and I was drugged, but what has done been done." He clenched his fists.

Meng Gui fell silent. "So, you were drugged." He spoke.

Shang He nodded. "I'm sorry." He said and pulled Meng Gui towards him.

"It's not your fault." Meng Gui said. His voice now became softer unlike earlier which it sounds cold. "Our relationship has always been ambiguous." He sighed.

"It was me who should man up, since I'm…" the top. He hasn't continued what he was saying because Meng Gui, whose face immediately became red, covered his mouth with his hands.

Meng Gui gnashed his teeth as he glared at Shang He with his eyes that are red in the corners after he cried so much earlier while they rolled in the sheets. "Yes, it's your fault!" he said as he smiled in annoyance. "We have already done everything that has to be done between married people, but you still didn't confirm our relationship back then, making that b*tch the opportunity to separate us. As a result, we wasted our many years because of that one misunderstanding!" he snapped.

"My fault, my fault. Blame it to my ignorance when we were still youths." Shang He immediately said to coax Meng Gui.

Meng Gui scoffed while he chuckled. Then, he planted a soft and sweet kiss on Meng Gui's pouting lips before he hugged him tight. As a response, Meng Gui scooted closer to him and nuzzled his head on the crook of his neck, nibbling his skin.

Shang He remembered his and Meng Gui's first time. It was before that group of merchants arrive along with the girl. That night, he and Meng Gui were on their way back to eat dinner with xiao San who was left to watch the house.

Because they were about to be late for dinner, they took a shortcut. But, they didn't expect to witness a scene of two men making out in that back alley. He and Meng Gui were shaken. It was only after that taller man pushed the shorter man on the wall, creating a loud thump did Meng Gui came to his senses and pulled Shang He, who was frozen stunned, to leave.

But, that scene made something that obscured their muddled brains disappear and they were finally enlightened of their feelings towards each other. That night, when they were about to sleep, both of them went out and relieved each other behind the bushes and near the river to clean themselves after. Then, it was followed by another night, and another night, and each night after, they became bolder, until they finally did what that couple of men did – the last step.

Each night felt sweet for them, and they continued to do it. They have already eaten meat, so why should they whet each other's appetite? So, they waited for xiao San to sleep before they went to that special spot to make love. This harmony of theirs was broken when that group of merchants arrived, with that girl who managed to break their relationship.

"Hey." Meng Gui called. His voice pulled Shang He from his reminiscing.

"Hm?" Shang He answered.

"Why did you choose this name?" Meng Gui asked, referring to the name 'Shang He'.

Shang He made a pause. Then, he stared at Meng Gui's face for a long time before he kissed him. "It is to remind me of you." He answered.

"Huh?" Meng Gui muttered. He looked at Shang He. His face is full of puzzlement.

Shang He chuckled as he combed Meng Gui's hair with his fingers. "I met you above (shang) the river (he). So, I named myself s such." He explained.

Meng Gui blushed. "Oh." He muttered, then lowered his gaze to hide the tears in his eyes. Even if they were separated for many years, this man still remembered him. He has always kept him in his mind. In his heart. In his soul. To never forget him.

Shang He smiled. "I am not a good person, and may be considered a bad one." He spoke. "You aren't a good person, too, and also considered bad. But – " he cupped Meng Gui's face and stared at Meng Gui's eyes that are now filled with tears. " – I want to be good only to you." He said. "And when the time comes that we have to be bad ones again, then, let me remain the bad one, for I want you to become the good one, which is what you have long wished for." He told him.

Meng Gui can't hold back his tears anymore from falling. He sobbed. He hugged Shang He tight and buried his face on Shang He's chest, like a child seeking for comfort. Like when he found out that Shang He has grown taller than him and he cried because of grievance, so Shang He pulled him towards him and embraced him, placing his head on his chest so that his crying face won't be seen by the other children, making him lose his face as their da ge.

Now, it was him who has taken the initiative. "Ah Si." He called.

Shang He sharply inhaled when he heard that name, especially when it was called by the person he wanted to call him by that name. "Ah Yan…" he called. His arms hugging Meng Gui became tighter as he tried to suppress his emotions now raging inside his chest. His eyes became red as he held back his tears.

He has grown up now. He isn't that child who has to be protected by the person whom he wanted to protect, but couldn't because he was still weak before. Now, he is strong, and he can protect Meng Gui always. He won't cry, but he still couldn't help but cry. It was only this person that could make him cry.

"Call me da ge." Meng Gui spoke. His voice hoarse, and muffled because his face is on Shang He's broad chest.

Shang He. "…" could you keep your mouth shut for the meantime? Why do you have to break this wonderful atmosphere between us right now? "… but I want to call you 'Ah Yan'." He said as he pressed his lips into a line.

Meng Gui heaved a sigh and raised his head to see Shang He's expression that looked like he was in a tantrum. "Alright, alright." He said, defeated. "Call me 'Ah Yan' when it's just us two around. But, you should call me 'da ge' when our brothers are around!" he told him. "And 'leader Meng' when there are outsiders!" he added.

Shang He. "…" but I want to call you my furen (wife/madam) in front of them all! He internally protested. But, in front of Meng Gui's familiar stern expression, his lips broke into a smile and he kissed his pursed lips. "Alright. Your wish is my command." He relented, then paused when he saw Meng Gui narrowing his eyes. "… da ge." He forced to speak.

Meng Gui smiled in satisfaction. He missed Shang He calling him 'da ge' before. "Good." He said.

"Ah Yan." Shang He called.

Meng Gui froze, then his face was covered in black lines. He opened his mouth and was about to speak, chastising him for breaking his words when Shang He spoke first.

"Is your real name Qingbai Yan?"