I wiped down a practice manikin combat torso with a Lysol wipe, making sure to pay extra attention to the face and chest as those are the points that came into contact with bare feet the most. Besides Kenjutsu, Sensei Hector devoted time to teaching students basic self-defense for occasions when you didn’t have your sword.

“So Sean, have you thought about our last chat?”

“Yeah.”

Sensei wiped down the front of the training mat. “And what did you decide? What’s it gonna be?”

“It’s complicated.”

“How so?”

I already knew what the right answer was. I couldn’t do volunteer work at the dojo anymore. But I didn’t want to say it out loud. This dojo had been a big part of my life and it would be so difficult to let it go. Plus I’d just lost my job. I needed the dojo now more than ever.

A long sigh escaped my lips. “I got fired from my job today. I get why, but it could’ve been handled better.”

Sensei moved to cleaning the mirrors. “Why did they let you go?”

I explained why I’d been on thin ice since the whole alarm situation.

Sensei grunted. “I’m sorry Sean. That’s discouraging I’m sure.”

I nodded. “It was the perfect little job for me. Fit right into my schedule. But it’s not like I have to worry about paying rent either.”

“Why is that?”

“Because my best friend kicked me out of our apartment. Gave me until Saturday to move out. He’s gonna provide boxes for me if I need them though. What a nice guy.”

Sensei stopped wiping. Out of my peripheral I saw him staring, but I just kept wiping down the next torso.

“Where are you gonna move to?”

“Don’t know. Haven’t even had time to think. It just happened last night. I guess back to my mom’s house. But I can’t move back there.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m trying to live on my own. Trying to be a man.”

“Living on your own doesn’t make you a man, Sean. Adopting the principles of a man makes you a man. Living with character makes you a man. Choosing the right choices makes you a man. Living on your own is just a benefit.”

“Yeah but it sure makes it hard to start a family.”

“You? Start a family?” Sensei Hector guffawed. “Not anytime soon, Sempai.”

“No. But it sure puts the chances of that happening way over the horizon.”

“Oh I see. You’re worried about what your girlfriend is gonna think.”

Sensei Hector always saw right through me.

“Haven’t told her yet, have you?”

“Nope.”

“As long as she knows that this isn't something that you’re eager to do, she’ll be cool with it. You do tell her what’s going on, in general, right?”

“Of course.”

“And not just the facts, but how you’re feeling?”

“Yeah. I mean she’s not my psychiatrist, and I’m no snowflake.”

“We all need that somebody that we open up to, that share our lives with us and for us to share their lives in return.”

I nodded agreeing and moved on to wipe down the red punching bag. “I’ve lost my job. Got no place to live, and likely I’ll have to move back into my mom’s house. I would be surprised if my girlfriend didn’t dump me next.”

“Don’t say that, Sean. You’re just having a patch of hard luck.”

“You could say that again.”

“What about school?”

“Meh. I’m still not doing too well. It’s been hard to keep up with all the homework with all this other stuff going on. Apparently I’m not doing anything right.”

“Is there anything else you want to tell me, Sean?”

If I was honest with myself, Sensei was like a second father to me. If my real dad was alive I would’ve totally gone to him and told him about the whole monster hunter thing. And apparently he would’ve known exactly how to handle that because he was part of this underground world. And that’s what killed him.

I couldn’t talk to Sensei about this. With everything going on in my life he’d think that I was having a nervous breakdown. Plus I couldn’t burden him or anyone else with the truth. Look what happened to Charice, for crying out loud.

Sensei ran a dojo and taught kids how to defend themselves. And everything he taught me had proved more than enough for me to handle things that came my way. I just couldn’t juggle all of it at the same time.

Seeing me lost in thought, Sensei probed deeper. “What do you want to do with your future, Sean?”

After a moment of thought I shrugged. “The same thing most guys want. I wanna get married and have some kids. Own a house. And have a nice paying career.”

“And what job would that be?”

“I’m not really sure.”

“What’s the steps you are taking to get a career?”

I wasn’t taking any steps to get anywhere. Everything I was doing backpedaled me away from that dream. I wasn’t doing well in school and I had no idea what I wanted to do for a career. The day job that barely paid the apartment bills had just let me go. And all the rest of my free time was taken up with dating my girlfriend, but mostly hunting monsters. And the former was starting to blend with the latter, oddly enough.

How would I ever find time to focus on me?

The thought sounded selfish in my head. People were dying. What did my career matter? If I just walked away from defending my city and the surrounding areas, how would I be able to sleep at night years from now knowing that I had my dream job and was a financial success, but I did at the expense of innocent people dying, people I could’ve saved? Plus I was young. I had time to figure this career stuff out later, right?

At the same time, why was it on me to fight these monsters? People died all the time. It’s what they did. The moment a person is born they start dying. The fact of the matter was all of the people I saved were all still going to die someday. So did any of this even matter?

Sensei cut through the silence with a new topic. “You have any run-ins with those gang bangers that drove by a few weeks ago?”

“Yep,” I said, continuing to wipe down the punching bag. “Matter of fact, I did.”

“What happened?”

“I defended myself with the techniques you taught me.”

“Have you contacted the police, Sean? Thugs love retaliation. That’s what gangs do.”

“Oh they already did. They tried to hurt Gavin and me. And they tried to track me down at my apartment. Which is why I got kicked out. But it’s actually a good thing I got booted. I don’t want my friend to be put in jeopardy just because some guys are trying to hurt me.”

Sensei’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Two incidents already. That is pretty serious Sean. What did you do to anger a gang that bad?”

“Charice’s older brother is one of the gang members. He hates me.”

“Enough to want to hurt you? There has to be some other reason. You don’t track a guy to his house just to rough him up.”

I winced at the need for an explanation. But I couldn’t without crossing the line into monster talk. So instead, I shrugged. “They’re trying to make a point I guess. Won’t stop me from dating her, though.”

“Do you love her?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“No offence to her, but it sounds like she runs with the wrong crowd, and might just be a bad influence on your life. So is she worth it? Do you love her?”

“It’s not like that at all. She’s trying to get out of the bad influences around her, namely her brother. And I’m trying to help her do that.”

“It may sound harsh Sean, but your circle of friends are either going to lift you up or bring you down.”

“I don’t need to worry about Charice at all. I guess who I really need to worry about is—”

“Who?” asked Sensei Hector.

“Uh...nobody.”

I had wanted to say Nehemiah, but I stopped myself. Why would his name come to me so easily? Rob was a flippin’ hobgoblin, but his name didn’t pop into my head. And Nehemiah had proven himself four times now. He helped me rescue my mom and brother. He’d helped me go back and get Charice straight out of Donn’s fortress. He’d showed up to fight the Kelpie. And he’d crossed over to Tir na nOg again to help me square off against the Fetch and Asen Scáth. So why would I doubt him?

Two reasons stood out in my mind. The first was right after I got bit by Takahashi. He’d reloaded his revolver. Nothing else. But context was everything. He’d been preparing to blast me if I turned full vamp. Which, honestly, was understandable. But still. I could not shake that moment.

The second was shortly after that when Asen Scáth lured my friends to me, only to turn around and attack them. Nehemiah had aimed to kill then and made his intentions known to Charice when she tried to stop him. He would not hesitate to kill me if I’d gone full-monster myself.

But could I blame him? I had almost done just that. I had barely enough self-control to leave that situation.

Guilt stabbed at my heart. I felt bad for doubting the wizard. Maybe this was why Nehemiah worked alone before I met him. It was hard to trust people and warm up to them when they might turn out for the worst during any monster interaction.

Gavin hadn’t trusted him at first though either. And Gavin had one piece of evidence on the wizard, an angle I hadn’t considered. If Nehemiah was willing to help me, why didn’t he admit that he knew my father while he was alive and a part of the Shepherd’s Guild?

It was like Sensei said, the circle of friends you’re around build you up or bring you down. Was Nehemiah bringing me up or down? Ever since I met him things had gotten totally worse. Who was the one that awakened my latent powers? Who was the one that was an ex-member of the Shepherd’s Guild but didn’t know my dad? Who is the one that memory wiped my mom, Aiden, and those two cops twice? Nehemiah did a lot of good, but if I was honest with myself, the dude was a little cryptic, not to mention he was the reason for some of the worst parts of my life right then.

“Sensei, what about somebody that means well, that even does well, but they just have terrible luck and they happen to make your life worse. Shouldn’t you stick it out with them and make it through the tough times?”

“Only if they’re your wife,” he said, laughing.

I laughed too. “I guess if they are not my spouse, it isn’t worth it?”

“If they are a really good, best friend. Sometimes we have to bear the burdens of others. At the same time, there are some people who are never going to change, who are set in their stubborn ways and keep getting into trouble because of it. And no matter how hard you try to lift them up, they end up dragging you down into their problems. If you never get anything positive out of the relationship then at some point you’ve got to sever it.”

I knew Sensei wasn’t talking about me. He was talking about my friendship with Nehemiah, even though he didn’t know who the wizard was. But I couldn’t help but think that his words mirrored the relationship I had with Sensei. I wondered if deep down he wasn’t going to cut me off sometime soon. I sure wasn’t bringing him up. By showing up late to martial arts lessons I was hurting his business, the relationships built on trust with parents and students alike.

At some point if I couldn’t turn things around, Sensei was going to have to look for a new Sempai. He’d already told me so. The question was, did Sensei consider me a good friend? I doubted it.

“You look like you want to say something, Sean.”

“Yeah… I don’t think I can be your Sempai anymore.”

His eyes grew big. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Like you just said, am I bringing you up? Or down? I’m pretty sure we both know what the answer is.”

“But Sean. What we’re talking about is different. I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay Sensei. You don’t have to say it. I know where I stand.”

And with that I tossed the dirty wipes in the trash, picked up the cleaners and put them back, and left the dojo a Sempai no more.