You press the button.

Ding.

Aha! You have reached a bathroom room!

Being aware that humans spend an average of 30 to 60 minutes in their home bathrooms a day, we have made sure to provide several bathroom rooms for your convenience.

This one is duck themed! Our research shows that ducks are a popular theme for bathrooms. That and seashells.

Here we have a typical duck-themed bathroom, yes. There is a duck toilet, and a duck sink, and a duck mirror, and a… Ok, ok, I’m sorry, I can’t keep a straight face.

What. The hell. Is this bathroom? Why the hell is this bathroom? Mostly that toilet. Who decided to put eyes on a toilet?? Who thought that was a good idea? And on the wall, the motivational saying “I tove swimming”. That is not an L there, it is a T. Why. Just, all the why. I have many questions, all of which need answers, and none of which will be answered.

And to top it off, the toilet is one of those awful types that flush from the middle of the top, instead of having a side lever like sane people prefer.

Anyways, I will go get a latte, and you can do whatever it is you want to do in there.

And yes, I will be turning off the button. So don’t even think about trying something.

Byeeeee

“Aha, I caught you!”

“Drinking coffee? Yes, I’m sure it shocks you to learn I do that.”

“I mean, leaving the office to get coffee.”

“Are you kidding me? Max was in charge of bringing coffee grounds this week, and whatever that stuff is, it nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Oh, yeah, it has ‘Death’ in the brand name. I think they add caffeine to it.”

“Flipping hell. Anyways, yes, I must resort to buying coffee here. What are you getting?”

“Take a wiiiiiiiiild guess.”

“You usually get a plain latte, don’t tell me you’re one of those pumpkin spice fanatics?”

“Guilty.”

“Alex, I feel as if I no longer know you.”

“I mean, I’m not a fanatic. I don’t want pumpkin spice infused socks or anything, but in a latte it’s pretty good. I also like chai lattes, which is basically the same thing except with cardamom instead of nutmeg. And peppercorn instead of allspice. Did you know that allspice-”

“You’re rambling.”

“Sorry.”

“Pumpkin spice infused socks?”

“Pretty sure. At the very least there’s a shoe deodorizer that’s pumpkin spice scented. I don’t use that, either.”

“At least. How is the subject doing?”

“Fine. Spammed the button early, but hasn’t tried peeing on it yet.”

“Hmm.”

“And seriously, though, how did they get the cow in there?”

I have returned! With a latte!

You are sopping wet! How did that happen?

Eh, I’ll never know, because I’m not going to look at what you did in the bathroom. I’m not a creeper.

Anyways, are you done doing whatever it is you wanted to do in here?

Great! I’ll turn the button back on for you.

DO YOU PRESS THE BUTTON? Yes No