As we were leaving the great hall the twins spot me and start heading over. I tell the group to go on without me while I watch them approach me.

I smile at them "Hey. Have you guys already had your Defense Against The Dark Arts class?"

Fred rolls his eyes while George sighs "Yeah, it was dreadful." Twin one says.

"We had a test on the first day!" Says twin two.

"And it was about Lockhart. He gave us a test… about him!" Twin one says with frustration.

"Are you guys still going to do the pranks on him for sickles? I made sure to bring plenty." I say a bit exhausted, not looking forward to class.

Greed fills their eyes. Fred speaks up first "Of course, who do you think we are?"

"We got a surprise for you when you go to class." George says with a smug grin.

My eyebrows raise "What kind of surprise?"

Fred grabs Georges and my shoulders and pulls us close whispering "The smelly kind."

I chuckle a bit as I reach into my robes and pull out a single galleon and hand it over to Fred. George quickly snatches it with a funny grin wrapping his arm around Fred.

Fred looks at me confused "I thought you said ten sickles?"

George elbows his stomach "Hey, no need to correct him."

I just pat his shoulder "It's a bonus for doing it on the first day. Not only that but also giving me a front-row seat."

They exchange smirks "It's been a pleasure doing business with you." George says not looking away from the galleon.

Fred gives me an exaggerated salute "Till next time captn."

Without another word, they both happily stroll away. 'Never a dull moment.' I think to myself.

Walking into Defense Against The Dark Arts I see Draco harassing Daphne and Harry with Crabbe and Goyle at his sides. As I'm walking up behind him Draco I can hear him.

"-traitor who would rather sit with two orphans than the true pureblood families." Draco's grin turns to Harry.

"Didn't I warn you about associating with the wrong crowd. Now you poach one of my own?" He sounds a bit bitter.

As I'm standing behind the three idiots I grab Crabbe and Goyle's heads from behind. With a forceful yank, I smack their heads into Draco's causing them to all fall down. I smirk at the three stooges role-play that they are doing so well.

Looking up at me their eyes widen in fear. I am honestly not that interested in getting back at them, but if they continue it could really hurt Daphne.

I glare at the three stooges on the ground "Go sit down. Annoy Daphne again and you'll be bald for the rest of your life." I can see the already balding Goyle gaze upon me in fear.

They all hold their heads while scurrying away not standing up. Ignoring them I sit down between Hermione and Daphne with Harry and Ron on the other side of Daphne.

Daphne thanks me and Harry glare at the running Malfoy. As Malfoy gets to his table our professor walks in the door. He gives them a glance but ignores them as he heads towards his desk with purpose.

Gilderoy Lockhart, the man of the hour. He is wearing turquoise robes with no hat and a wide smile on his face.

He stands at the front of the class with a roguish smile on his face. His eyes meet Harry's and he gives a nod as if they have some type of shared burden. He steps forward once we are all sitting and picks up the book with his face on it off the desk.

He points at the book with a wink "Me." his smirk turns toothy "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile award---"

I begin to wonder how he was acknowledged by the wizengamot as I ignore his dumb speech, but something catches my eye from the corner of his desk. It is a coffee mug with the letters F&G written on it. I finally smile as I look back at the poor Lockhart. I hope they didn't use fart beans to brew the coffee itself.

"-- just last period my two favorite students brought me my favorite coffee. They must be great fans as it's rare for people to know I only drink Americano. A muggle style coffee." He speaks snobbishly as he smirks, taking a sip of coffee.

"Now class, we shall start with a test." He picks up a stack of papers from his desk as the class resounds in a sigh except for Hermione.

"I don't want to hear it, it's a fantastic test, and it should be easy. You have thirty minutes starting.... Now." He says as he hands the final paper to Ron.

I shrug as I flip over the paper and read the first question.

What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?

What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?

'HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW A "SECRET" AMBITION?' I rage in my mind while flipping the pages. FIFTY FOUR QUESTIONS. I set my head down and sigh, 'This will be a rough year for Defense Against the Dark Arts.'

I start by writing the ones I know, and skimming the ones I don't. After a few minutes pass I smell the first whiff of disgusting victory. I look up to see Lockhart reading a book with a slightly red tinted face.

A few minutes go by and students are starting to complain of the smell causing me to smile. Lockhart is now holding his hand over his stomach softly rubbing it.

Only a few seconds later and I am forced to use Sin to cover my nose because of the smell. Students are talking amongst themselves and I can hear their conversations.

"Is there a dead animal in the pipe?" A Slytherin asks quietly.

Hermione and Daphne are coughing and covering their faces with their robes. At this point Lockhart quickly stands up holding his bottom looking around at the now confused class.

"Finish the tests before I get back. Remember, no cheating." He tries to give a charming smile but fails as he practically runs out of the room.

Once the door slams shut I burst out into laughter causing most people in the near quiet room to look at me funny.

"What's so funny?" Hermione asks.

I stop laughing but still hold my stomach giggling a bit "The twins gave him fart bean coffee. But I think they gave him too much." Once I finish my words Hermione looks disgusted but a lot of the boys start laughing. I wasn't quite when I spoke so now half the second years know of the twin's great feat.

After a solid few minutes, I'm finally done laughing and I scoot closer to Hermione with a purpose. "So, what's the answers to 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 13, 15, 18, 23, 26, 31, 34, 41, 42, 45, 47, 49, 50, and 54?" I ask with a cheeky grin.

***

Alternate Chapter Name: Gilderoy Fartlock