C26 Trash Trap

Eddie went back inside his workshop and started packing materials he needed to make a multitude of stuff. He was going to make some furniture for the rooms, maps, and nose blockers during his time at the trap he was going to make. He also brought along a mattress with him too in case he wanted a power nap.

“Sir, where are you going?” Frank asked.

“Trying to level up,” Eddie said as he rummaged through a box of trash. “Finally.” He pulled out a toilet seat.

“Do you need my assistance, Sir?”

“I’ll be fine, Frank. I’ll need Robo to dig a really big hole then I’ll send him back to you, is that alright?”

“Of course, Sir. Shall I tidy up and monitor the building for you?”

“That would be great, Frank. Come here.”

“Oh no, Sir, not another one of your hugs.”

Eddie grinned from ear to ear as he stumbled forwards with his arms stretched out. “It’s happening.”

Frank just awkwardly stood still as Eddie wrapped his arms around. “Hah, take good care of the base for me.”

“As I always do, Sir, I am your butler after all.”

Eddie slapped his metal ass and went back to packing. He scooped up all the iron spikes and dumped them in his inventory. Double checking he hadn’t forgotten anything, he whistled for Robo and headed out of his workshop and then outside. That was when he saw Brody and Akira talking. He just blanked them completely, sticking to Bear’s advice of ignoring her.

He walked off with Robo obediently at his side while clenching his jaw to show his masculinity. Akira was watching from the corner of her eyes at him and he god damn knew it. “You’ll get there, Eddie,” he comforted himself.

“Woof, woof,” Robo barked, walking in front of Eddie and stopping.

“You ok, boy?”

“Woof, woof, woof, woof,” Robo said, speaking in different tones. He put his head to the floor and it appeared he wanted Eddie to ride him(not in that way you sick readers).

“You want me to ride you? No homo.”

“Woof, woof.”

Eddie never really thought about riding Robo. Sure, he was big enough and definitely strong-

“Alright, I’ll get on.”

“WOOF! WOOF!” Robo said energetically, his tail creating a tear in space. He put down the spikes on his back and Eddie used one of them to help steady himself. “Ok, buddy, aft-” Robo bolted through the dungeon at a high speed. It felt like he was driving a windowless car. There were bugs zapping the back of his opened mouth and his eyes closed themselves due to the high wind pressure. “AHHHHHHHH!”

Robo sprinted for no more than 30 minutes until Eddie finally managed to speak. “S-s-s-stop boy.” Robo immediately put the breaks on and Eddie went flying over. He laid there groaning as he weakly gasped for air.

Robo came over to him and started licking his face.

“I need… Potions,” he said weakly. His hand vanished into his inventory and he brought out a small glass vial. He popped the cork out and put the vial between his teeth. It tasted like pop; oddly like-

“Pepsi?”

No, this isn’t an ad.

Eddie downed the entire vial and felt his body put itself back together. He rolled over onto his front and managed to push himself upright. “UGGGGHHHHH!” he screamed as he stretched.

“Woof, woof,” Robo said chirpily after receiving his attempted murder charge.

Eddie made a nice flat ground for himself before sitting down again and checking his map. He was only a few hundred metres away from Goblin’s Gulch. There was a few things he wanted to test: mainly, if goblins were to be instantly aggressive towards him and if he could build something in the area. He was betting on a lot to go right but when else did it go wrong.

“Uhh, Hell’s Hole didn’t go well. My relationship. My impending doom of never finding someone I can spend the rest of my life with,” Eddie listed. “Now it’s just depressing. Alright. Step #1: Find a good place for the trap. No, that’s step #2. Check if goblins are aggressive.”

“C’mon, boy. Now remember don’t kill anything unless I say.”

“Woof, woof,” Robo said.

“Was that a yes or a no?”

“Woof.”

“Two woofs for yes and two for no.”

“Woof, woof, woof.”

Eddie sighed. “Relax, Eddie,” he said to himself. “My body is a temple, my body is a temple, my body is a temple. And… I’m calm.” He quickly looked around, checking for danger; the universe often liked to play tricks on him.

“Huh, that’s-”

Eddie waited patiently again. “C’mon stupid game! Throw something at me!”

Ok.

Eddie suddenly sensed a falling piece of trash from Trashman’s Sense and dived to the side. A box full of toenail clippings crashed down next to him.

“I didn’t mean literally!” Eddie shouted to the smog above him. “Wait, toenail clippings? I can give those to The Sculptor. Thanks system.”

You’re thanking me for almost trying to kill you with a box of toenail clippings?

“Uh, huh. Problem?”

No response came.

“Yeahhhh, that’s what I thought. C’mon boy,” Eddie said, picking up the box and putting it into his inventory. “We have stuff to do.”

“Woof, woof.”

The two frolicked off into Goblin’s Gulch. As they got closer, Eddie grabbed Robo’s collar and sneaked behind a metal pipe. They both peeped over at the same time to see five trash goblins gibbering away.

Eddie clicked his teeth as he pulled his map up. Before, the goblins were highlighted as red. But now, they were amber. From his vast gaming knowledge, he knew that amber meant they would only be aggressive if he attacked them. Then again, there was a lot of unpredictableness in the equation.

Eddie tidied up his hair and made sure his gibberish vocals were intact. He told Robo to sit and then emerged out from behind the pipe. The goblins immediately noticed him and just stared. He gulped as he wept the sweat from his brow.

“Gibba poop poop, vie booga booga,” Eddie said.

One of the goblins walked up to Eddie. He always found it funny how they walked with their belly sticking out. Then he realised that he too walked like that and it was no longer comical. The goblin was carrying a real dagger for a change and seemed cautious of Eddie. It was half his height but still a worthy opponent for the frail trashmancer.

“Gibba gibba poopy poo?” the goblin questioned.

Eddie gulped again. “Poopie pee, gabba dabba do.” He really thought he was going mad. Well, one would go mad if they were in a trash dump talking gibberish to a goblin. The goblin cocked its head to the side and stared at his eyes. A huge smile spread across its face, exposing the decaying prehistoric teeth in its mouth. It turned around to the other goblins and the marker turned green on its map. “Poopy poo!” it cheered.

Eddie relaxed as their markers all turned green at once.

They all parted to the side and allowed Eddie through. He whistled for Robo and he came up next to his side. The goblins didn’t show any sort of hesitation towards Robo and they even gave him some weird light pats as he passed by them. Once Eddie was past, he started noticing other goblin groups. He just walked by them, saying hello in the process: “Gibba poo!” he would shout over to them and their markers would turn green. Eddie didn’t understand what they were or what he was saying but as long as it had ‘gibba’ and ‘poo’ in the sentence, he was fine.

“Right,” Eddie said, bringing his map out again. “I can cross that out now. Second thing, find a good area for the trap.” Eddie wanted it to be in a central location where he could maximise the amount of goblins attracted to him. He liked the idea of strategy farming or in this case a mob grinder.

Eventually, he chose a location about a mile out from the raid boss's lair. It was roughly in the centre since Eddie didn’t want to mess around with the best possible location, he really just wanted to see if it would work.

“Ok, boy. I need you to dig a large ditch around me in the center, can you do that. One woof for yes and two for no.”

“Wo-”

“That’s half,” Eddie said angrily. “Half for yes, and one for no.”

“Woof, woof.”

“Ugh, I give up. Just dig the ditch.”

“Woof.”

Robo went about digging a large circular ditch while leaving a pillar in the centre that Eddie was standing on. In the meanwhile, Eddie was digging a metal ladder that could be walked on too.

“Woof, woof!” Robo shouted up to him.

Eddie put the ladder next to the edge and climbed down it. “Alright boy, can you head back now? Do you know the way?” One for- I’m not even going to try that.

“Woof.”

“Good boy,” Eddie said, giving Robo some very hard earned head scratches. He scampered up the edge of the ditch and sprinted off into the distance. Eddie was hoping he would make it back in one piece.

“Right,” Eddie said, hands on hips. He pulled out the iron spikes and went about drilling them into the floor. A quick time lapse later, and Eddie was standing beneath the pillar surrounded by iron spikes.

Nice job! You have crafted a trap!

+50 EXP

Please note, you have built upon undesignated land. Anyone may use this trap and you have no control over the area of the trap. In short terms, it’s free real estate.

I look down on you, and the entire gaming community along with the developers do too.

“I’m not surprised,” Eddie commented. He didn’t care if people looked down on him. He was just happy that it was classified as a trap. The other part didn’t bother him either, if someone wanted to use it after, they could.

He climbed back up the ladder and brought out the monster incense.

{Monster Incense}

Grade: Rare

Description: A rare twig from the Moonlit Forest. Burns for 7 hours.

“It’s rare?” Eddie commented. It was the first rare item he had seen. Regardless of its precious nature to him, he stuck it into the large pillar he was on and lit the top of it. Purple smoke started to drift off into the air above. Eddie tied his old t-shirt around his head and patiently waited for the goblins to start running over.

He was wondering if they wouldn’t be attracted if they were amber or green, but that thought went out the window when he saw a red dot running towards him. It was a skinny green goblin with a pot on its head and it was clutching a toilet brush. “GUBBA GUBBA POO!”

Eddie just watched as it let off a terrifying war cry and dived head first into the pit. It was directly skewered in the centre of its chest and slowly slid down. The sight was gruesome but Eddie was now desensitized from it. It was a good thing for gaming but it also alarmed him. Nevertheless-

You have slain Trash Goblin, Level 8!

+3 EXP (-50% Cowardice Kill)

+2 Goblin Meat

+3 Copper

“Yes! It works!” Eddie gleefully exclaimed as he danced on top of the pillar.

Another two goblins wielding bathroom cleaning tools also ran straight for him and dropped straight in the hole without care. The goblins didn’t think or even stop to guess what was happening. It was wonderful. And yes, the dying part of them too.

“I’ve done it!”

Eddie started unloading all his crafting materials and was about to get to work when he suddenly stopped. “You know, I’m kinda in the mood for some funk.”

“Did you mean, play your playlist It’s Funkin’ Time?”

“Cor, look at you, learning to not insult me. And yes, I would you to play It’s Funkin’ Time.”

“Sorry, did you-”

Eddie cut the system off as he exhaled loudly. “Play, It’s Funkin’ Time.”

“Playing: It’s Funkin’ Time.”

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2GKyr1zsmOHsKL0dEL21qz?si=8636e20438c1455f

“Oh yeah,” Eddie said, getting into his groove. The funk invaded his body and eventually started controlling his movements. He turned into a 60s sex icon like that. The hip thrusts, the vocals, the moves- Eddie had them all. He was now performing in front of hundreds of thousands and he was the only masterpiece on the stage.

He was just alone, in a dungeon, dancing with out a care in the world as goblins committed suicide in his trap. Their schreechs were drowned out by the saxophones and jazzy beats. He started working on everything he needed while jamming out to his heart's content.

An hour passed quickly and eventually Eddie grew tired. He threw out the mattress so he could just fall on it whenever he wanted. He continued working for another 30 minutes but then eventually collapsed onto the piss stained mattress. Oh, what a wonderful life in the trash dump is.

Five hours later Eddie woke up feeling refreshed. He immediately wondered where he was but then it all came back to him. He yawned while stretching his arms up and then screamed from the sweet release of his muscles.

As he stood up, the incense went out just then. He also had hundreds of notifications. His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. He went to go look at them but saw a giant figure approaching the edge of the trap. He gulped as he knew exactly who it was. He quickly turned the funk playlist off.

“Uhh, hi?”

“Hello, Eddie,” the raid boss said casually. “I didn’t think you’d come back and visit.”

“Uhhh, yeah, I actually brought you a present,” Eddie lied, bringing out the box of toenails.

“You didn’t have to Eddie,” the raid boss said as it blushed. “I’ve been watching you sleep for a while.”

Eddie didn’t want to be told that. “Yeah, sorry. About the trap I-”

“Don’t worry, Eddie. I only like the ones inside my lair. You can kill all these as much as you want.”

Eddie exhaled. He was expecting the raid boss to get angry. “Thanks, hold on, I’ll come over to you.” He pulled up the ladder and moved it across the gap. He walked over it precariously while clutching onto the box of toenails. “Ah, here you go, Sculptor.”

“Thank you, Eddie. This really means a lot to me.”

“No worries. You can come visit my base if you want.”

“Really? Won’t everyone attack me?”

“Don’t worry about that, I’ll let everyone know there. If you want, I can put in a request for toenails.”

“That would be wonderful. I love the taste of other people’s toenails, such an amazing thing to experience. Here, try one,” the raid boss said, picking one out and handing it down to Eddie.

Eddie internally cringed. “Thanks, but I’m all toenailed out, I had some back at base.”

“That’s a shame,” the raid boss said. “Well, Eddie, thank you for this gift. I do appreciate it.”

“As I said, no worries. If you want I can tell people to not go and fight you if you want?”

“Well, you guys were my first fight and I enjoyed it a bit. Tell them to come but don’t harm any of my sculptures.”

“Will do, Sculptor. It’s nice to finally talk to you in person,” Eddie said, extending a hand out.

“What are you doing?” the raid boss questioned, behind down to sniff his hand.

“This is a greeting. It’s a sign of business and friendship.”

The raid boss stuck his finger into Eddie’s palm, filling it up entirely and then wiggling it. “Like this?”

“Exactly like that.”

“You can come by at any time, we could make some sculptors together.”

“I would Sculptor, but I have a quest at the minute. But I will after, that’s a promise.”

The raid boss grinned, showing his teeth. They were oddly bright white which would make sense if he chewed keratin all the time. “Sounds good, Eddie. If you need anything, just let me know.”

“Can you fight for us?” Eddie questioned, plotting things in his head already.

“Maybe, not sure. We’ll see if this darn system will let me.”

“Well, if you can, that would be great. I’ll keep those toenails coming for you.”

“Thank you, Eddie. I must go now, Margret doesn’t like it when I leave the lair for too long.”

“Sure thing, Sculptor… I’ll see you soon,” Eddie said, remembering that Margret was his sculpture.

The raid boss turned and headed back towards his lair, his footsteps thumping loudly against the trash.

You are now good friends with Mutated Giant Goblin, Level 18

I hate you.

“Don’t hate me,” Eddie deflected. “Hate yourself. That was a bit harsh, my bad.”

Hurry up and check your notifications, my RAM is getting low.

“You have RAM?”

You’re a fudging idiot.

“That didn’t answer my question.”

Just open your notifications and be happy with what I’ve given you.

Eddie suddenly remembered he need level 5 to get the-