“If you’re done,” Alana says dryly.

“Who’s this? Girlfriend?”

“I wish.”

“Teammate,” Alana snaps. “His and hers,” she says gesturing to Marthe and William. Why am I not being mentioned? “And we’re here to meet out potential fifth, if everyone remembers.”

Erin leans toward me and ‘whispers’ behind her hand, “Is she always this grumpy?”

“Only around pretty women,” I ‘whisper’ back, grinning at Alana’s deepening frown.

“She’s got nothing to be worried about though. She isn’t ugly by anyone’s standards. Except the weirdos.”

“It’s cause I’m around them too.”

“Oh? Jealously can be hot.”

“Right?”

“I am not—” She cuts herself off, shaking her head while muttering, “Why are there so many perverts?” under her breath. Louder she says, “Can we get on with it?”

“I agree with brightie.”

Erin laughs good naturedly. “Okay~ If William’s bringing you, you all must be looking for Arthur. He’s inside at his usual table.”

“Thank you, Erin,” William says.

“Eh, you can thank me by not making a ruckus. He’s learned how to behave himself somewhat but you know how he is.” She looks at me with pitying eyes. “I can’t believe you willingly agreed to team up with him. It’s enough to get you sainted.”

“I’ve never met this, Arthur, was it? So, I wouldn’t know. You’re getting my hopes up though.”

“You like pains in the asses?”

“Heh, I like interesting people.”

“He’s certainly that. Come on, I’ll take you all inside.”

She waves for us to follow as she heads toward the restaurant. Stepping past the threshold, I’m hit by a current of warm air laced with mouth-watering smells. The room is bisected by a wide walkway occupied by fast moving servers pushing carts and carrying trays. Near the front all small tables with two seats, bathed in ample sunlight with views to the street. The tables get bigger the further away from the door, with long dining tables against the back wall. Along the walls are intimate booths, shadowed just enough to give the illusion of privacy.

At the back of the room are two doors marked ‘entry’ and ‘exit’. Every time one swings open, a puff of fragrant air enters the dining area along with the clamoring of pots and pans.

The décor is cheerful if plain, with beige walls and white tablecloths. That certainly isn’t what’s drawn the room full of customers. That would be the…servers? Greeters? Characters?

“Welcome back, master~”

“Hmph. You should consider yourself lucky to be allowed within three feet of me.”

“Bwahaha! ‘Nother round fer me mates, lasses!”

Seated at different tables or simply posed at different locations are ladies dressed in varying costumes. There’s quite a variety; a handful of maids who must be a popular trope, a haughty noblewoman with who I think are customers serving her, a sailor who may or may not be a pirate, and several others. It’s like dinner and theatre combined, with customers having a chance to interact with their favorite characters. It doesn’t hurt that they’re all lookers and their ‘costumes’ border on scandalous.

“This is…unique,” I say, glancing around the room with interest.

Erin giggles. “The boss just wants to cook. She leaves everything in the dining room to the manager and he never left the stage.” She rolls her eyes. “Every new server gets the chance to design a character, including the costume and story. They get a commission based on the money the table spends. Every month, customers rank their favorite characters and they get bonuses based on their position. Though it’s all a bit of fun. Trust me, people here for the food. Well, most people.”

She points toward a booth near the back left corner. A fairly large man is squeezed onto one of the small benches, surrounded by three costumed women.

“I’ve got to get back to the door,” Erin says with a bright smile. “Lou, great meeting you. Make sure you order something, yeah? I guarantee you’ll be back for seconds and I expect to see you at my table.”

The silly girl reaches out and bops my nose with the tip of her finger, giggling cutely as she prances toward the door. Delightful.

“You can stop drooling.”

The spritely Erin leaves, abandoning me to the spiteful Alana. “Alright, Alana.”

“Hmph. Let’s just meet this guy.”

“Yes. Allow me to lead the way.” William courteously takes the lead and we follow him as he weaves through the tables. As we approach the booth, the conversation between our potential fifth and his tablemates becomes easier to focus on. Not that there’s much to gleam. They’re hardly exchanging words. The guy, Arthur was it, is laughing uproariously between downing some kind of drink while the women pour his refills and cheer him on.

He slams down his mug as we reach the table. Slightly glazed over eyes the color of coal turns to us. They narrow as they focus on William before he grins. “Will! What are you doing here!?”

Arthur stands up…and up. Saints, he’s tall. Taller than Kierra and my elf towers over most. He has the bulk to match, his thin linen shirt barely containing his broad shoulders and powerful muscles. Shaggy, dark hair falls to his shoulders in a wild waves, scruffy facial hair adding to his unkempt look.

He slaps a large hand on William’s should, making him stumble. “I’m glad you decided to join me but don’t expect me to share the women, bwahahaha!”

“Eh-hem.” William shouts us a nervous look. “Arthur, I did come for a drink. I have found a team and convinced them to meet you as a possible teammate.”

“Hm? Team?”

“…for the qualifiers.”

“Bah! I told you, I’m more than enough to handle these twigs that think they have what it takes to be casters. But…” For the first time, Arthur’s gaze moves toward us, narrowed in quiet focus. He approaches me first and I meet his gaze with an easy smile, crossing my arms.

“Not even going to introduce yourself?” I ask with a raised brow as he remains quiet.

“Hm. Not bad. I’d say…a seven out of ten. I prefer softer women but you’re a looker, bwahaha!”

“Ugh.” Being complimented by a man doesn’t feel good at all.

“Hehe, and that chest is quite impressive.”

I see him raising his hand. I know where it’s headed, the fingers flexing indecently, but I’m too shocked to react immediately. I still have plenty of time to break the offensive appendage but the moment of hesitation gives someone else the opportunity to intervene.

Alana catches his wrist, scowling deeply. “Have you no shame, brute? You do not simply lay your hands on a lady.”

Oh, be still my heart!

“And yet you can brazenly put your hands on a man?” Arthur questions with a wide smile.

“So far, I’d call you an animal.”

“Heh. I like willful women too.”

“You!”

I freeze as the tall bastard, moving far quicker than I expected, puts an arm around my friend’s waist and pulls her toward him. She stops their bodies from colliding by putting a hand on his chest, scowling deeply.

“Arthur!” William shouts. “This behavior is highly inappropriate!”

“You’ll be a virgin forever with that thinking, my friend!” Arthur says with a laugh. “She isn’t so fragile as to break, are you? Too much fight in you.” He licks his lips in a disgusting manner.

“Let go of me,” she bites out.

“Maybe if you tell me your name. You—”

I may have been frozen in shock at his brazen display but Alana’s angry voice brings me back to my senses. This…this…overgrown, mangy, disgusting ape just grabbed Alana. My Alana. And she said no.

His words are cut off by my fist hitting his jaw. I just manage to hold back my strength. That means instead of knocking his head clean off, he simply flies backward. The girls in the booth scream and scramble out the way as he hits the wall, splintering the wood before landing heavily on the table.

The following silence is deafening as the restaurant comes to a halt; customers pause with food halfway to their mouths, servers stand stock still with steaming trays of food, and there are dropped jaws all around.

I give the small droplets of blood on my hand a distasteful look and wipe them off on William before he has a chance to escape. “Willie, on second thought, we really don’t need a fifth member.”

“Ah, um….” He turns to look at his friend and gulps nervously.

“Ladies? You agree with me, right?”

Marthe chuckles. “Nice punch, shiny.”

“Saints damn him,” Alana curses. “Why am I surrounded by perverts?!”

“It’s because you’re too cute.” I ignore the expected blow to my arm as I pull out my coin purse. I wave over one of the women escaping the booth. “I apologize for creating such a scene.” The ape’s lack of manners has nothing to do with them or the restaurant. “Allow me to cover the dama—”

“Rrrahhhhh!!”

I pause as Arthur raises his head. Muttering curses, he climbs off the table. He’s swaying but he’s on his feet. A hand yanks off his shirt and wipes his bloody face before tossing aside the garment. “That was a good punch. Physical caster?”

“Angry caster,” I sneer. If I thought he was distasteful before, having him bare a disgustingly hairy chest has lowered my opinion of him to that shared with worms and rats. Pestilence carrying ones that wash themselves in used chamber pots. My eyes have been polluted with something foul.

“Hah! Well, you won’t get another surprise shot.” His eyes glow with channeled mana. “So, I have to fight you to get your friend, huh? Or are you simply jealous? You should know I’m more than man enough to handle two or three at a time, bwahaha!”

…why did I hold back?

This bastard should just die.

“What in the saints’ blessed asses is going out here?!”