We were marched into a filthy hallway with barred doors every couple of feet. As we walked, the man who opened the door gave Edith a sidelong glance. “Who are these…people?”

Ever so slightly, she tilted her nose up in the air. “They are obligators, here to do their service to the king by mucking out the privies. Set them to work in the guest wing. I hear some of the visitors from the old country are particularly foul. We can send the boy to those rooms.”

I gave Edith the stink eye. Out of nowhere, I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head. The first thing that came to my mind was that Edith had betrayed us and used some sort of magic on me but then I realized that the man had cuffed me in the back of the head.

Just when I was about to retaliate, Kalli cut me off with a hard state. Melvin. I don’t think this man is in on our plan. Notice how Edith is talking and she keeps looking at you when he turns his back.

I looked up to see both Edith and the man staring at me. She sighed and said, “You will do well you remember your place, boy. The residents of Castle Dabia are all above your station in life. It would be wise to do your task and avoid eye contact.”

Lowering my head, I focused on my connection to Kalli.

Can we just burn the castle down and rescue Wendy that way?

Kalli inhaled sharply, trying not to laugh as she replied. That’s a terrible idea. We would be killed for sure.

I was fairly confident that my armor would protect me but Kalli had no such protection nor did Kiki. My sister followed quietly behind us, not reacting at all to what had just happened.

Resigned to being treated like a dog, I kept my head down and walked in silence. When we arrived at a grand staircase, the man chuckled and Edith said, “See, they can be trained. I take it you can show them to their task? I have other matters to attend to.”

Hasty footsteps echoed down the hall as Edith sped away from us. The man huffed and said, “Follow me, you lot.”

We were led up the stairs and plodded on for what felt like an eternity before the man stopped. I noticed the stone tiles on the floor were a lot fancier than the stained floor in the hall we entered through.

I raised my head just slightly, inspecting the man.

Name

Rolfe Dia

Class

Groundsman

Level

1

Affection Level

Dutiful

While he was unawakened, the man had a surname. It was something I wasn’t used to seeing on Gaia. After a long pause, he said, “I don’t know why she sent fresh help today of all days. If she only knew about…Well, never you mind. You, boy, you take this wing and knock before entering. I want every privy mucked out before lunch. Don’t think I won’t be checking. You two, come with me.”

I stood where I was in shock as Rolfe led the two women to another part of the castle.

If he tries anything with you, I’m teleporting over there!

I could feel Kalli’s nerves as she followed the man. Don’t worry. If he does, I’ll roast him. Just look for Wendy.

Satisfied that Kalli had things well in hand, I went to the first door.

Knock knock knock.

When nobody answered, I gently opened the door, peering inside. The room was a mess but otherwise empty. I started to look around but quickly realized that it was pointless. Whoever was staying in the room had a lot of dresses and couldn’t seem to decide which to wear. The colorful gowns lay strewn all over the room.

Giving up on snooping, I looked around for signs of a privy. I smelt it before I saw it. A chair with a closed lid in the corner of the room emanated a foul odor that reminded me of a troll. I pinched my nose as I slowly made my way over to the commode.

Opening the lid, I discovered the source of the stench. What I saw made me a strong believer that a dress-loving hill giant had snuck into the castle and defiled the poor abused privy. Fortunately, I was a manipulator.

DELETE

Satisfied that my job of privy mucking was complete, I made my way to the next room.

Knock knock.

Again, no answer. The door creaked open and I pushed myself inside. I was immediately greeted with a shriek from a woman sitting on the bed. At first, I thought she was exercising and then I noticed that there was a man under her.

I quickly called out, “Sorry ma’am, I’ll come back later.”

I closed the door before she could reply. While I walked to the next door, I checked on Kalli to discover that she had been dropped off in another hall and was using her flames to clean a privy of her own. Noticing me watching her, she groaned. This smells terrible, Mel. I can’t believe that last room you went in though. Those two were totally…

The fact that I was able to get through the experience with Kalli at my side put a smile on my face.

Yeah, they totally were. We should have Crypian write prophecies about these royal farts. That would be funny.

She laughed, finishing her privy. Isn’t his prophecies how this whole mess got started in the first place? I heard what he told you. I think the last thing this world needs is more prophecies from that guy.

When I thought about it, she was probably right. His last prophecy had messed with my chances of scoring with Kalli after all. Nobody was home in the next room. It was much tidier than any of the others. I didn’t feel the need to snoop around as I did in the first one so I made my way straight to the privy.

That time the mess was discreet and looked more human.

DELETE

I quickly dealt with it and started toward the door. However, something caught my eye. It wasn’t Gaian. Using group chat, I reached out to Joe.

Hey Joe, what was Wendy wearing?

For a second, I worried that the castle had a magic field that prevented group chat when nobody answered. Then Joe replied. She had on blue jeans and I think a green sweater. Why?

My heart leaped in my chest. Kalli felt my excitement before I made the announcement.

I think I just found her room. There is a green sweater in here and yep, here’s some blue jeans.

The realization that I had just cleaned up a Wendy turd made me blush as I debated what to do next.

Do you think I should wait here for her to come back?

To my surprise, Alariel answered. She is in the kitchen right now. It turns out that it was her birthday recently and she has been testing the confectionaries for the past few days. She should be back soon. Keep doing your duties so as not to arouse suspicion. Edith will smuggle you out of the castle once you are reunited with your friend.

Joe sounded relieved. Oh, thank god. Get her and get out of there. I’m making this thing go as fast as I can.

I decided to sit on Wendy’s bed for a moment, not thrilled at the prospect of what I was going to find in the other rooms. From the looks of things, Wendy had to have been quite comfortable during her captivity. The bed was large and soft, made of something higher quality than the hay the peasants used in the villages.

Getting curious about what Wendy would be wearing, I made my way over to a chest of drawers in the corner of the room. The first drawer I opened revealed neatly folded fancy undergarments. I felt Kalli roll her eyes before she chastised me. Melvin Murphy. Stop messing around. You heard Alariel. You have to do your job or we might get caught.

My face was burning from being caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I slid the drawer shut and opened another one, hoping that Kalli wouldn’t yell at me again.

I took a few steps back when I saw eyes looking back at me. A black cat stretched and stood up in the drawer before hopping to the floor and circling me.

Kneeling in front of the creature, I wondered if it was some kind of a trap.

Kalli. There was a cat in the drawer. What should I do?

She sent another wave of flame into a particularly nasty privy as she answered. You need to stop snooping. I don’t know why Wendy has a cat but you really need to get back to work.

Heaving a sigh, I left the room and continued down the hall. The cat followed. I tried to shoo it away with my foot but the creature just dodged my efforts and continued in my wake.

Knock knock knock.

“Come in.” The reply startled me.

I entered to find a stubby well-endowed woman standing in front of a makeup table, wearing a sparkling evening gown. She looked up at me as I entered the room. “What do you need, dear?”

“Privy.” I managed to say, slightly shocked at her directness.

The woman glanced to the corner where the commode stood. “Oh, right. That miserable thing. I’m afraid I haven’t been able to use it properly. I am not accustomed to such primitive devices after all. Very well, do your work and be on your way.”

Lifting the lid, I was pleased to see she had been telling the truth. Only a small amount of liquid rested at the bottom of the bowl. Without thinking, I cleaned it up.

DELETE

The woman turned and gave me a surprised look when I lowered the lid. “Well? Aren’t you going to clean it?”

Mentally kicking myself for my mistake, I lied. “There was nothing in there.”

She abandoned her makeup and stomped over to the commode. Staring into the basin for a long moment, her eyes took on a look of confusion. “Well, I thought I went. Peculiar. Very well, off you go.”

Not waiting to be told twice, I scampered out of the room, happy that she didn’t notice what I did. When I arrived in the hall, the cat was waiting for me.

I made it halfway down the hall before I ran into another occupied room. A rotund man lay in the bed and beckoned me in when I opened the door. “Finally, that stench was making me sick. Dispose of it quickly.”

Since I realized that I couldn’t just delete things in an occupied room, I had come prepared. I set my bucket down next to the commode and opened the lid. The smell that greeted my nose made me want to be sick. Fortunately, I was somewhat prepared. I quickly pulled up the menu of the contents.

Item:

Feces

Components

Ruffalo Stew, Morn nuts, Whispy

Item Rank:

F

Item Level:

1

Item Owner:

Cedric

It was interesting to know that people owned their poo. It was less interesting that I suddenly knew what Cedric had for dinner the previous night. I modified it to make it less toxic.

Item:

Chocolate Cake

Components

Chocolate, Flour, Sugar, Eggs

Item Rank:

C

Item Level:

1

Item Owner:

Murphy

Since I made it on the fly and left out some key ingredients, my cake looked more like sludge than something anybody would want to eat but I also sincerely doubted that they would want it after I told them where it came from.

I took a toy shovel that I had edited and scooped the runny cake out of the basin, cursing my skill for not being able to edit smells. When the deed was done, I ran from the room, not wanting to give Cedric another look.

Once I was outside, I deleted the whole thing, bucket and all. The cat meowed beneath me as if to remind me that he was still there. I ignored the feline and continued to do my duties, anxious to be finished.

It was right after I completed the left side of the hall when I saw her. Wendy jumped and screamed, “Melvin!”

Seeing the alarm on the face of the man next to her, I spoke in a dull defeated voice while inviting her back to the party. “Young miss. I have mucked out your privy for you while you were gone. I trust that you enjoyed the meal that they provided for you.”

WENDY MAYUKO HAS JOINED THE PARTY.

The man next to her chastised me, unaware of what happened. “You! Boy! How dare you address a guest of the royal capital with such familiarity. Apologize to her at once.”

Wendy turned on the man. “How dare you speak to him like that. You already know that I don’t subscribe to this I am higher than you crap, so why do you think I would treat this guy any different? Matter of fact, Melvin, come with me. My privy is going to need cleaning again. You, chef, you’re dismissed. I am no longer in need of your services.”

The man balked at her, following her as she marched to her room. I quietly followed the pair, my feline tail following me as well. Wendy looked back at the chef as he entered the room with her. She stomped over to the toilet and raised her dress, sitting hard on the freshly cleaned commode. “Do you plan to stick around for this?”

The chef’s mouth fell open. “Miss, this is highly irregular…”

She answered him with a very unladylike fart. The chef tripped over himself as he brushed past me on his way out the door. As he passed, he growled at me. “Do your job and then report to the groundsman. He will hear about this.”

I watched him yank the door shut, nearly crushing the cat as he left. Over on the commode, Wendy had an embarrassed look on her face. “I’m so sorry Melvin. It was the only thing I could think of to make him leave us alone.”

Laughing nervously, I explained, “Don’t worry about it. This isn’t the first time this has happened. You see, Kalli…”

I cringed as Kalli’s voice echoed through my ears. If you finish that sentence, I will make you pay!

Amending my previous statement, I added, “Never mind about that. That was one impressive fart.”

Wendy giggled as she pulled up her panties, careful not to let me see anything. “That was wind magic.”

I stared at her, not believing her words. “That was magic, and not….”

She huffed in reply. “It’s just air. It doesn’t matter where it comes from, does it?”

“But doesn’t that spell, um, smell?” I asked before actually thinking about it.

Wendy turned red and asked, “Do we have to talk about this?”

She looked away and I decided to change the subject.

Alariel. If you can sneak Kalli somewhere safe, I can teleport Wendy to her.

The void knight replied quickly. That just might work. She is in a different wing that is less likely to be scrutinized. I will head over there right now. If someone comes into the room, hide under the bed or something.

With a plan set in motion, I decided to talk to Wendy. “Did they hurt you? I am so sorry for leaving you in Hudholm. Once we realized the danger, there was no way we could get back to you.”

She replied in a weary voice. “They didn’t do anything to me physically. Being held captive by morons is kind of frustrating. They weren’t after me. I don’t know if it’s you or Kalli but I was just the bait to lure you here. I hope this plan of yours works. I’d hate to be the one that causes you guys to get hurt.”

I smiled, looking back over my shoulder for a moment. “It doesn’t matter who they kidnapped or who they are after. We would have come to get you either way. You’re our friend.”

“Thanks.” She whispered and then noticed the cat “Where did you find that?’

I laughed, “He was in your underwear drawer.”

She looked over at the dresser in the room. “Why were you going through my, well, never mind about that. I don’t remember there being a cat in here. Are you sure that’s where you found him?”

I nodded and the cat meowed as if to affirm. The two of us chatted for a while. I told Wendy about the expanded empire and how the trolls got all of the other races to join.

When I got to the part of the story where we attacked the tower, I hesitated. I had temporarily forgotten about Stefanie. Wendy could tell something was wrong by the expression on my face. She took my hand in hers and asked, “Melvin, what’s wrong?”

With tears in my eyes, I took a deep breath and said, “Wendy. Stefanie died.”

She gasped, her entire body shuddering next to me. Before long the gasp turned into sobs as Wendy’s emotions overwhelmed her. I reached out to her, unsure of what to do. From there, Wendy threw herself on my shoulder, crying heavy muffled sobs into my tunic.

Tears streamed down my face. I wanted to say that it was all my fault but the words died in my throat. While I wanted to confess, another part of me realized that it would cause unnecessary complications to our escape.

We stayed like that for an eternity. I kept listening for sounds of anyone approaching the door but they never came. Wendy was just settling down when Kalli spoke in my ear. I’m ready. Alariel got me out of the castle. You two can teleport anytime you want.

Turning to Wendy, I asked, “Are you ready to escape this place?”

She looked up from my shoulder, her eyes were puffy from crying. “Get me out of here.”

Without another word, I wrapped my mana around both of us and stepped into the void. When we arrived next to Kalli, I was pleased to find us back in the residential neighborhood heading to the safe house.

Suddenly, a sound behind us freaked me out.

“Meow.”