Is not life pain? To be alive is to know pain. So, tell me not that love be a foolish squandering, that it only ends in pain, for I know that to live is to endure pain and that the more pain one is in, the more one knows they are alive. I will take this pain and hold it close, for I would rather endure life's pain than live a hollow empty life full of nothing but sound, fury, and misery.

Cast your empty egg shells upon the ground, for I choose heartbreak, song, and pain over silence. - Rigellian Poetry

His brain spinning, Elu stood shocked for a moment, still holding her wrists, one of her hands holding his ear, the other hand cupping his waist.

She pulled back and Elu let her go.

Rentwee smiled, then kicked him in the shin. Before he could do anything, or get his whirling thoughts in order, she ran off. He watched her run, tensing for a second to chase her, then relaxed and just watched her run up the path to the gate that came out right behind his dorm.

She stopped there, under the light, for a moment. She half-turned, gave him a smile and a playful dip of her ears, then ran off with a laugh.

Elu stood there for a long moment. He blinked a few times, then shook his head.

Confused, he slowly walked up to the path. He checked around him, but Rentwee was gone. Shaking his head again he headed into the back door of the dorm, taking the back central stairs. He exited out into the common area, ignoring everyone as he moved through.

At least they didn't stare at him any more.

When he got to his room he set his satchel on the desk and sat on his bed. The other bed was unoccupied, the room-mate he had been assigned having somehow convinced the faculty to let him stay in another room.

Nobody had been in a hurry to stay in the room with him.

He sat for a long time, then checked the clock. It wasn't too late.

Elu sat down at the desk, pulling out his dataslate and moving through the apps quickly. He tapped what he wanted and waited, wetting one palm pad with spit and slicking down his hair real quick.

The call went through with a clinking noise.

Dambree appeared above the dataslate, looking down slightly. Elu knew she was using the holoprojector she had built into her palm since she had returned from the convent.

"Elu," Dambree said gently. Elu could hear the sound of dishes being done and the low buzz of conversation. Dambree frowned slightly. "What's wrong?"

"I got attacked, kind of, I mean, well, this girl, she attacked me," Elu said, trying to get his thoughts in order.

"You got attacked, Elu? By who?" Dambree asked.

Before Elu could answer other voices broke in.

"Elu got attacked?" His aunt Fenn asked.

"Someone attacked Elu?" Tru blurted out.

"Who attacked Elu," Pulgnee asked.

"Is he all right?" Meglee put in.

"What happened?" Uncle Inkree added.

Dambree's hologram made a short chopping motion with one hand and the voices stopped.

"Tell me what happened, Elu," Dambree said softly.

"This girl I know, well, kind of know, she's been following me around and stuff, she followed me into the park. I thought she had a knife and grabbed her. She grabbed my ear and pulled my head down, and... and, I don't know, kissed me," Elu said, it all tumbling out.

There was silence. Then a giggle.

Elu wasn't sure, but it sounded like Meglee.

"Her and her friend follow me all the time. She usually follows me after dinner, sometimes she rushes ahead and then slows down so I have to slowly walk behind her, but tonight she grabbed my ear and pulled on it. I thought she was going to bite me or maybe she had a knife or..." Elu said in one big rush. He paused to take a breath.

"Dambree, can you forward it to my com?" Uncle Inkree asked.

Dambree nodded solemnly, looking out of the hologram, then she looked back at Elu.

"I love you, but I can't help you with this," Dambree said softly. "Uncle Inkree and Aunt Fenn would be better to talk to."

"OK," Elu said.

Aunt Fenn and Uncle Inkee appeared in the hologram.

"OK, we're on," Aunt Fenn said.

Dambree nodded and her hologram vanished.

"All right, tell us everything, Elu," Aunt Fenn said gently.

Elu went into the first encounter. Then, how he kept finding little folded notes, some of them blank that smelled of perfume.

"Did you show any reaction to the scent-notes?" Uncle Inkee asked.

Elu nodded. "One made me smile. It reminded me of the flower bushes out by the lake."

Uncle Inkee nodded. "And did those girls smell like that afterwards?"

Elu thought for a second, then nodded. "Rentwee."

"How many scent-notes afterwards?" Aunt Fenn asked.

"Um, not very many. Another made me smile and they stopped coming," Elu said.

"Did the other girl smell like that note afterwards?" Aunt Fenn asked.

Elu nodded. "Yeah, now that you mention it."

"All right, son, keep going," Uncle Inkree said, his face serious.

He described how everywhere he went, they were there. Staring at him.

"Did you ever change where you went?" Aunt Fenn asked.

Elu shook his head. "No. Why would I?"

Aunt Fenn sighed. "No, no, you wouldn't, would you?" she turned and looked at Uncle Inkree. "I think you need to have The Talk with him."

Elu made a face and shook his head. "I did the My Body & Me labs. This isn't that."

Aunt Fenn sighed. "All right. Keep going."

Elu described how sometimes one of them would hurry in front of him then slow down so he had to walk behind her.

"Were their pants or skirt tight or the skirt short?" Aunt Fenn asked.

Elu thought about it. "Yes. Sometimes they wore shorts."

Aunt Fenn nodded again. "Yes, yes they were," she turned to Uncle Inkree. "He has no clue."

Uncle Inkree shook his head. "No. But he's alive, and isn't that what mattered then?"

Aunt Fenn nodded. "Except now, like Dambree, he needs to learn to live," she looked back. "All right, go ahead with what happened next, dear."

Elu told about the night's encounter. How he thought she might have had a knife, how he had grabbed her up. How then she had grabbed his ear, pulled his head down, and kissed him.

Aunt Fenn nodded solemnly. "All right, dear. I'll call the college tomorrow and complain about this young..."

"Fennie," Uncle Inkree said.

She turned and looked at him. "What?"

"Go help with the dishes," Inkree said.

"But..." Fenn said.

"Fennie. Go. Let me handle this," he said. "It's a male thing."

Elu thought he could see a slight smile on her face as Aunt Fenn shook her head. "Fine."

Uncle Inkree waited until there was the sound of a door opening and shutting. He looked out of the hologram.

"All right. You didn't chase her?" he asked.

Elu shook his head.

"Good. That means that you want a day or two to think over your options. Both of those young women will move a little closer to you. They might buy you food or drink," he said. He tapped his fingers. "If you aren't interested in romance, you need to be up front with them and tell them."

"But..." Elu said.

Uncle Inkree tapped the desk. "Elu. They're interested in a romantic relationship. Since the war the disparity between female and male is six to one, and that's without all the males your age joining the Confederate military to get some payback for the invasions. It's already causing some stress in people's relationships and people are already calling for a return to polygamy."

Uncle Inkree sighed. "Females are more aggressive in some ways than we are, Elu. It's not uncommon for females to physically fight over males since the invasion. Yes, they're stalking you, but that's one of the ways females have always signaled to a male she is interested in them."

"What if I'm not interested?" Elu asked.

Uncle Inkree shrugged. "Then tell them. Or, when they come to sit down near where you are, wait until they are seated, then get up and leave. Every time. That will signify you don't want to be in their presence. They'll go back to scent and color notes, just throw them away, don't open them."

"Because I opened them, it told them I was interested?" Elu asked.

Uncle Inkree nodded. "Yes."

"So it's my fault?" Elu asked.

Uncle Inkree shook his head. "No. It's not," he sighed. "I should have told you this stuff back in the cabin, but there wasn't really a need to. You didn't know, didn't understand, what the signals meant. They figure you know and are one of those people who like to draw out the hunt."

"Oh," Elu said.

They were silent for a minute.

"What should I do?" Elu asked.

"Do you want their attention? The one that kissed you sounds like the dominant one of the pair. The other won't make a move without her permission or unless it's behind her back," Uncle Inkree said.

"Um, kind of," Elu said. The idea was exciting, but a little frightening.

"Then, there's two paths. One's passive, the other's aggressive," Uncle Inkree said.

Elu sat and listened to both. It dawned on him, partway through, that he'd been seeing it all around him at the college but had ignored it.

A whole world going on that he was moving through and not recognizing.

When it was over, he looked at his Uncle.

"What if I break her heart, or she breaks mine?" Elu asked, his voice small.

Uncle Inkree shrugged. "Then you do. Heartbreak is part of life, Elu. Some believe it is better to have never loved than to lose that love or suffer heartbreak. Others believe it is better to love and lose it all than go through life without love."

"Which do you believe?" Elu asked.

"That love, and family, are worth fighting, worth killing, for," he said. He leaned forward slightly. "Was worth what we went through."

Elu nodded.

"I'm not there, I don't know if things are different now," Uncle Inkree said. He shook his head. "In my day, the boys got fast cars, the girls danced. I don't know about now."

"I don't either," Elu said.

Uncle Inkree sighed. "But you should. You're young, in college. You're not at the cabin any more," he leaned forward again. "You don't have to be alone, Elu."

Elu nodded.

"Call me, if you need me, all right?" Uncle Inkree said.

Elu nodded and the call cut off.

He sat and stared out the window at the trees in the central quad park.

-----

Elu saw both of the girls come into the library where he usually studied. They didn't sit at the far table in the study area but instead sat about halfway between where they had previously sat and where he was sitting.

For some reason his hand started shaking.

You can be aggressive or passive. You need to think carefully about it, Elu. After how we had to live to survive, think about how sweet passivity can be or how natural aggression will feel, he could hear Uncle Inkree's voice in his head.

He took a deep breath and gathered up his dataslate and his textbook. He grabbed the satchel and the Liquid Hate, balancing all four objects with both hands.

He could tell both girls had stiffened slightly, could sense their sudden anxiety.

Keeping his face neutral he walked past them.

He heard both of their disappointed sighs.

He turned around and walked back, stopping next to the them.

"I like having a wall at my back," he said. "Do you want to sit with me?"

Both looked up, smiling suddenly.

"Yes, yes we would," Rentwee said.

Elu went back over and sat down where he had been, where he could keep an eye on the door and the paths between the stacks, setting his stuff down. Both girls gathered up their books and moved over to sit across from him.

"What are you studying?" Elu asked, when he sat down.

"Environmental climate systems," Rentwee said. "I want to work in climate restoration."

"Random stuff. I'm not sure yet," Whimtar answered. She looked down, her ears reddening slightly. "I'm not good at making up my mind."

"It's OK," Elu said. He looked Rentwee in the eyes as he reached out and put his hand on top of Whimtar's. "Sometimes it takes a little bit."

Whimtar smiled and ducked her head slightly to look at Elu through her long eyelashes.

Rentwee gave a slight smile as Elu sat back, putting his hands under the table to wipe his palms on his pants.

"And you?" Rentwee asked.

"Nano-forge and creation engine template programming," Elu said.

-----

It was late by the time Elu got back to his room.

He had spent the last couple of hours after his workout talking with both young females, but even though it felt like the most important conversations he had ever had, he couldn't remember what they were about.

Elu sat down on his bed, staring out the window.

We lived in that cabin for so long, he heard Dambree's soft voice. Don't keep living there, Elu.

"I won't."