Chapter One Hundred and Thirteen - And Also a Dragon

Rhawrexdee did an admirable job avoiding all the roofs and overhangs and buildings in the street as he stomped along next to Amaryllis. He only tore off the more intrusive clothes lines and such, but eight buildings out of ten were still mostly intact when he was done moving past.

“So, princess Amaryllis,” Rhawrexdee said. I translated as soon as he paused, of course. I had the impression that our new dragon-y friend was actually a little nervous as he spoke. “How’s that virginity of yours keeping?”

I choked. “You can’t ask that!” I said.

“And why can I not? I am a dragon. I can ask what I want.”

I huffed. “But that’s private.”

“It’s hardly private at all. Anyone with a proper dragon’s nose could tell. It’s as clear as her princessness,” he said.

I crossed my arms. “Well it’s still rude, and I think she’d zap you for asking. There are some subjects that should be eased into, or outright avoided, I think. Stuff like politics, and religion, and the economy and, and sex stuff.”

Rhawrexdee looked at me. “That doesn’t sound right at all. The characters in my books talk about all sorts of things like that.”

“Ah,” Booksie butted in. She was walking on his other side. “But how often do the relationships come to a head because of those things in those stories? Did you ever read the collected plays of Violet-Blue Morningsong?”

“Of course I have,” Rhawrexdee said. “It would be difficult not to, they’re exceptionally popular.”

Booksie nodded. “How many of those love stories end in tragedy because of politics or such?”

“Hrm,” Rhawrexdee said. “I suppose you might have a point. Very well then. Perhaps I shall try instead to pick Amaryllis up by wooing her with other things. That is the point of this part of the date, yes?”

“Yup. This is the walk around and chat part,” I confirmed.

“Very well then. Ask the princess if she prefers a negative or positive charge with her magical attacks.”

I didn’t see the point to the question, but I also didn’t know that much about magic, so I repeated what he said back to Amaryllis.

“I don’t see why it would matter,” Amaryllis said with a growing frown. “I think most magic-made electrical discharges are negative by default. I never saw a reason to change any of that. It also helps turn the subject of a strike into a ground of sorts.”

I translated that as quickly as I could.

Rhawrexdee listened attentively, then showed his teeth in a weird sort of smile. “Tell her that I’m a positive dragon, then remind her that opposites attract.”

I had a lot of questions, but I did as he asked only to see the confusion I felt mirror itself on Amaryllis' features. “Was that a pun?” she asked.

“I think so,” I said. “Um. Mister Rhawrexdee, Amaryllis is wondering if that was a pun.”

“Oh, it was only the beginning of them, yes. I have prepared a small hoard of them to properly woo the Thundere.”

“Ah, I see,” I said.

“Tell her that I have my ion her next,” he said. “Oh, and that I think she is electrifying.”

“While Broccoli translates all that,” Booksie said. “Would you mind if I asked you about that... custom. Is it a dragon thing?”

“Of course. It is how my father convinced my mother to be with him. She riddled him full of lightning from on high, and he told her that they had a spark. She admired his electrifying personality, and soon they formed a circuit. It was very romantic.”

Booksie took a step closer to Rhawrexdee. “Interesting. We learn so little about dragon culture. I didn’t think that word play was so important to you.”

“While some of us--like myself, of course--appreciate the literary arts, more barbaric dragons will do their own thing. It’s quite disappointing. I don’t think there have been many dragon authors in the past. A shame, I’m certain we’d be far better than most.”

Booksie giggled and skipped a few steps. She seemed to be genuinely enjoying herself. “We should talk more on it later. Maybe I can write while you dictate a story?”

“That...” Rhawrexdee looked the other way. “That sounds possible, yes.”

“Brilliant, now I’ll leave you to your date, I wouldn’t want you to... book bad.” She grinned. “Did I do that correctly?”

Rhawrexdee eyed Booksie for a long moment. “Yes, yes you did.” He cleared his throat. “Have we walked long enough for this segment of the date to be over with?”

“I think so,” I said as I drew from my vast experiences hearing about other girls who did go on dates. “I think we can skip right over to the lunch part. There’s a cafe over there.” I pointed towards the end of the street.

The little restaurant wasn’t quite a cafe. In fact, I was pretty sure I hadn’t seen coffee anywhere since I’d come over to Dirt, so it couldn’t be a proper coffee shop. It did have some pastries, and little sandwiches hidden behind a glass-fronted counter, and there were tables by the front with chairs all around them.

There was a young man standing next to one of the tables, his eyes very wide and his hands frozen in the act of being wiped on the edge of his apron. He had to be one of the waiters, or maybe the owner.

I skipped ahead of my friends and Rhawrexdee, whose friendship was still undetermined, and stopped before the waiter. “Hello! I’d like to make a reservation. Two tables. One with only one chair. We need to make a bit of room for our dragon friend.”

“Th-the dragon?”

“Yes,” I said before pointing to the dragon coming up behind me. “That one. Don’t worry, we’ll pay for any food we buy. Um. I don’t know if we can cover the dragon’s bill though.” The poor man looked so confused, so I tried to explain a little. “See, we’re on a sort of practice date.”

“All... four of you?” he asked.

“Well, yeah,” I said. “But it’s okay because it’s not a real date.”

“I’ll.” He paused to swallow. “I’ll see what I can do,” he said.

Soon enough Booksie and I were moving one of the tables so that it was in the centre of the little room so that Rhawrexdee could stick his head in through the door (he hardly broke it at all!) and Amaryllis could sit, if a little stiffly, across from him.

We, of course, took our own seats just a little ways away.

I eyed the menu and decided on some tea. Nothing too filling since I’d had my breakfast just an hour or so back.

“You, with the ears,” Rhawrexdee said.

Booksie and I looked at each other.

“The eloquent one, with the books,” the dragon added.

“Yes?” Booksie asked.

“Assist me in telling Princess Amaryllis that I look forward to her carving into whatever unsuspecting beast they place before her here.”

I felt my blood go cold. “Um. Rhawrexdee, do you know what a cafe is?”

“Of course I do!” he said. I heard plates and such clattering to the floor in the kitchen and suspected that Rhawrexdee had just given someone quite the fright. “They are a very romantic place in many stories.” He looked around. “Is this one of those? I expected it to smell less like mud and more like meat and other proper foods.”

I glanced to Booksie who shrugged. “Well,” I said. “This is a bistro of sorts, just like in your stories.”

“Fascinating,” he said. “I suppose we must hold hands across this little table and share stories of our childhoods?”

Booksie grinned. “That sounds like something out of a DeClancy story.”

Rhawexdee recoiled, then flinched when his head banged into the ceiling. Fortunately, his head was harder than the wood above and his horns passed clean through with just a bit of crunching. I really hoped that the floor above wasn’t the shopkeeper’s house. “I would never read such filth,” he said.

“Oh? I enjoyed them. Though the way the second novel ended...”

Rhawrexdee shook his head. “How could the protagonist forgo a harem in favour of marrying his childhood best friend? It’s unnatural.”

“But the other girls in the harem had no chemistry,” Booksie said.

“I thought they were enjoyable,” Rhawrexdee said.

“I thought you didn’t read such filth?” I wondered.

“Oh, no one reads those books,” Booksie said. “They were best-sellers that no one with an ounce of dignity would admit to reading. Especially the fifth book in the series.”

“There’s a fifth book?” Rhawrexdee asked. “Truly?”

“Oh yes. I think I saw a copy at the local book store.”

“That is where we will go next,” he declared.

“Certainly,” Booksie said. “Out of curiosity, what were your favourite novels as a child?”

Rhawrexdee hummed. “I suppose the Tales of Knight Princess Dragonia.”

“Really?” Booksie asked.

“Do not judge me, I am a dragon, I am above your petty judgements,” Rhawrexdee said.

Booksie waved her hands in the air in denial. “No no, I wasn’t judging. It’s just that I had the entire set as a little bun. I loved them! I wanted to be just like the princess’s librarian squire when I grew up.”

“Really? I enjoyed that character. Though it is the main character that inspired my early love for princesses. As is only proper in a young dragon.”

“Of course.”

I looked over to Amaryllis. I think we knew each other well enough to communicate just how weird we felt, even without words. Booksie was enjoying herself though, smiling ear to ear as she talked to a very attentive Rhawrexdee about the difference in each edition of their favourite book series.

“Fascinating. I will have to raid a capital one day to obtain a new set of the books.”

Booksie shook her head. “Nonsense. I... ah, I had a copy of the earlier edition in my store. I suppose it was left behind when I came here.”

Their conversation was cut short when the trembling waiter came to take our orders. I had to repeat mine a few times since he was more focused on the dragon tearing a wider and wider hole in the entrance to pay attention.

Amaryllis ordered some pastry and Rhawrexdee ordered meat. All of the store’s meat.

“So, do you have any suggestions for reading material?” Rhawrexdee asked.

“I owned a bookstore, recommending books was my job,” Booksie said.

“Hrm. Perhaps it is you I should kidnap, not the princess.”

Booksie grinned. “I doubt I’m worth the effort, but thank you. As for recommendations, that would depend entirely on what sort of reading material you’re looking for. I think you have a penchant for more classical romance.”

“I suppose, though I wouldn’t mind branching out a little,” the dragon said casually.

“Oh, there are a lot of other genres with romance in them, they just don’t feature it as prominently. Ah, I wish I still had my store, I had so many books you would enjoy.”

“Perhaps when my date is over we can visit your shop.”

Booksie’s smile grew a little fixed, and she looked down and away. “Maybe,” she said.

I reached out and patted her hand. “We’ll get your shop back,” I said.

Rhawrexdee’s eyes narrowed. “What happened to her hoard?” he asked.

“Ah, it’s nothing to concern yourself over, mister dragon,” Booksie said.

“Well, if you say so, I suppose,” he said.

The waiter chose that moment to walk into the room, carrying a large platter covered in still-smoking meat that he eased onto Rhawrexdee’s end of the table before scurrying off. There had to be enough meat there to feed a family of four for a month.

“The books were right, the portions in places like these are awful,” Rhawrexdee said.