《Somebody Stop Her》Chapter 8: The ill gotten gains
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The tunnel ended in a collapsed section, halting their journey. Martin finally relaxed, realising that no skinwalkers would come at them from this direction or from the shielded bank.
“Pocket burger?” Alexa offered, sitting down on the pile of rubble.
“Uhm. Are you sure that those are still good?” He inquisitively looked at the tinfoil-wrapped offering.
“Probably?” She shrugged, unwrapping the incredibly crushed meal and biting into it. “More for me.”
Martin was feeling hungry, but he wasn’t hungry enough to enjoy that sort of meal.
“I see you’re waiting to see if I die from this burger. Wise decision is wise.” Alexa winked at him. “I bet you’re thinking - if she doesn’t die, I can totally eat these after we flash back to the present!”
He looked at her dumbfounded. “I wasn’t! Honestly! Why would...”
Alexa looked at him for a bit and then started to giggle. “You’re far too easy to bamboozle.”
Martin frowned. The pair sat somewhat awkwardly on a pile of rocks until Alexa’s bracelet flashed them into the present.
“Woo! The path is clear. Mush, minion, mush!” Alexa directed Martin forward.
“Why do I feel like I’ve been set up to carry this?”
“Don’t think too hard or you might blow a…”
A horrid boom resounded from behind them. The two teenagers turned, listening as concrete rocks rained down the distant tunnel.
“I think I know who made that hole.” Alexa gulped.
“Who?”
“Delinqueeeeenttsssss!” Mr. Canard’s voice resonated through the tunnel, sounding like a mix between the teacher’s prior yelling and a skinwalker’s unnatural screeching. “You’ll paaaaay for deesssstroying my lovelyeeeeeeeee hiveeeeeee!!”
On the one hand, Martin was relieved that Mr. Canard was alive, on the other he was still clearly being possessed by a skinwalker.
“Whelp. He’s got immunity to explosions, can see through walls, and also can punch really hard. We’re boned.” Alexa commented.
Martin’s face paled as he realised exactly what kind of a threat they were really facing.
“After me! Hop on the ladder, minion, n’ rise like the wind!” She whisper-yelled, already climbing up a ladder leading out of the sewers.
He climbed after her, panting and struggling not to slip from the rickety metal ladder, weighted down with the incredibly heavy gold-filled bag. The bag groaned at the seams, threatening to split open at any moment. Alexa shoved the manhole cover up and aside with a loud clang, emerging from the manhole into the late summer evening. Martin followed after her, nearly falling over.
“Deeelinquentssssssssssss!” Mr. Canard’s voice vibrated from the tunnel depths as he drew near.
Alexa accelerated forward with the power of her shoes, leaping towards the ice cream van, flying straight into the front seat. Merry music twinkles filled the air, the van’s headlights blinding Martin as he pulled himself out of the manhole. The ice creams truck's engine roared in no way that an ice cream truck should, tires squealing as it rushed towards him. The vehicle turned sideways, right before it smashed into Martin, an open door presenting itself to him with Alexa’s hand reaching out from within.
“In! In! In!” She yelled, silver hair swaying. “Freaking hurry! He’s almost…”
Mr. Canard’s bald head emerged from the manhole. It turned 180 degrees, like an owl’s head would, the spine and muscles twisting at an angle impossible for a human. The gym teacher no longer had lips or eyebrows, looking more like a well-baked zombie. Alexa pulled Martin into the car, pressing on the gas.
“There you are,” the backwards-rotated head in the manhole said casually, starting to sound more human. Muscular arms snapped upwards, pulling the gym teacher out of the sewer. His body was covered in hideous burns, muscles, and bones exposed and pulsating, clothes shredded and blackened by the flames.
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Martin stared at the infected teacher through the “objects may be closer than they appear” side mirror. Mr. Canard’s head faced them as his body rotated towards the departing van. Legs snapped into a runner’s position.
Alexa pushed the ice cream truck to its top speed, but the gym teacher was rapidly gaining, muscular legs flashing back and forth, grime and blood flying off him as his body slowly repaired itself. Martin snapped his seat belt on, terrified of them crashing into something.
“Damn tank super,” Alexa growled. Mr. Canard vanished from the mirror. In a few moments, he appeared on the side of the truck. The van’s door next to Alexa ripped off its hinges, flying away into the street, bouncing up and down the road, and raining sparks.
“Got you now!” The teacher roared, entering into the van.
Alexa pointed her pink raygun at the super, but he instantly moved out of the way, avoiding whatever invisible ray it was projecting. His large, extremely blistered arm slapped the raygun out of her hand, the hairdryer bouncing off the seat and flying out into the street.
“Go to timeout, delinquent.” He smiled with a grotesque grin, grabbing Alexa by her shirt’s collar.
The vehicle spun out of control as Mr. Canard pulled Alexa from the wheel. It rolled over the sidewalk, wheels flying over a small concrete barrier towards a kids playground.
Martin watched in terror as the infected teacher flung his friend right out of the truck without regard for her safety. Alexa’s yelp of surprise was interrupted as she was slammed into a concrete pole, sliding down like a limp ragdoll. The ice cream van finished its journey by colliding into a swing set with a resounding crash of bending metal.
Martin and the teacher were both flung forward. Martin nearly smacked into the front panel, but was held back by the seat belt. The teacher, on the other hand, flew straight into the front window. As he scrambled backwards, getting momentarily tangled up in the folded, shatter-proof glass, Martin lifted the nail gun from his belt and fired it at Mr. Canard’s hand.
“This is going on your personal record!” Mr. Canard said indignantly, trying to grab at Martin. The fingers of his free hand missed Martin’s clothes by a few millimeters as Martin backed away, bumping into the loot bag. The teenager flung the gold-filled backpack right at the gym teacher, trapping him with its weight for a few seconds.
The small skinwalker spider in the glass bottle observed Martin's struggle with curious eyes.
Martin threw open his door, jumping out of the van. He knew that he had no way to outrun the super and yet he still ran. The front of the van looked severely mangled up, but the swing had somehow suffered no damage. The merry twinkle music from the damaged speaker slowed down to an eerie, deep, hiccuping reverb.
Martin glanced down. “This playground was funded and built by the Superstate” message was printed in bold letters upon a golden plaque at the swing’s base. The little hero turned deeper into the playground, knowing that this place was likely his only chance.
The gym teacher’s feet thumped behind him.
“Foolish child. You might have torched my spawn, but my other shard shall wear your flesh.” Mr. Canard hissed from behind Martin. Several nails were protruding from his hand. He held a glass bottle in his other hand, filled with the second skinwalker they had brought from the future.
Martin ran up a metal stairwell, jumping down a slide. Mr. Canard followed. The slide propelled Martin into an enclosed steel tube with a whoosh. He emerged out the other side, scrambling away on the gravel. The gym teacher’s followed Martin into the tube headfirst, sliding down. His massive body became stuck halfway in it, at the bend. He roared, unable to move forward or back, fist smashing against the metal with no result.
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Martin let out a held breath. His plan had worked. This playground was made by the Superstate and was likely made of the same stuff that was used to build Titanomachy - it was far, far sturdier than what was necessary for a kids playground, rustproof and made to last for a thousand years. There was no way for the skinwalker-piloted teacher to —
Mr. Canard flung the bottle at Martin. It detonated against a concrete barrier beside him. Martin spun, getting ready to run. A black spider jumped onto his pants, liberated from its confinement. Acting without thinking, Martin tried to smack it away with the nail gun still held in his hand. The spider was faster and Martin managed only to hit himself in the crotch with the full weight of the nail gun. He stumbled over forwards from the pain, collapsing onto the ground with a squeak. The spider skittered towards his face. Martin screamed as tens of slick, multi-jointed fingers grabbed at his mouth, pulling his teeth apart. The little monster clawed itself into him and Martin fainted from the pain and shock.
. . .
Martin slowly rose, blinking and wiping blood from his mouth. Finally, he had an acceptable body. Being in the bottle was annoying.
"How are you such a blundersome dolt?" Martin the Skinwalker walked towards the trapped Mr. Canard the Skinwalker, speaking with a slight hiss.
"This host is hard to control. It resists. Are you going to help me or...?"
"No. Shed some weight and get out on your own. My parents are looking for me."
"Okay?"
"While you were busy propagating, I was learning, listening. Don't build a hive in such an obvious place next time."
Martin’s hand pointed at the distant bank, which was now surrounded by flashing sirens of police cars. His dad's gray sedan was rolling towards them.
"This world is full of hosts and some of them carry the radiant spark of omniscience," Martin said. "They will grind you into dust with this power. Integrate into their society first, pretend to be your host, blend in, find their weaknesses, and strike only much later upon select targets that no one will miss. Do something about your eyes too. They are far too noticeable - human eyes do not glow in the dark."
Mr. Canard nodded, silver eyes shimmering from the darkness of the tube slide.
"Good." Martin turned away from the teacher and started walking towards his dad's car.
. . .
Alexa woke up as an armoured glove harshly slapped across her face. She felt cold metal weight on her hands and saw a pair of oversized, Superstate handcuffs locking them in place. It was a bit of an overkill. She didn’t have any physical powers.
"Wake up, bitch." An icy voice demanded. Alexa raised her eyes to the speaker. It was hero Resonance, adorned in gold and red. Alexa knew exactly who it was underneath the golden mask. She’d done her research on the Kilbornes when she hacked into the SCA database.
Martin's sister, Ember scowled at her, golden eyes flaring at the teenage supervillain. The hero held a steel bat with the SCA logo glittering on it. A transparent refraction of her swung the bat at Alexa's arm, breaking it with a crack of splitting bone. Alexa yelled from the pain. She couldn't even move away in time or try to reduce the impact, too dizzy and hurt from her recent concussion. Another refraction of the hero flashed into existence, bat slamming into Alexa's other arm. The handcuffed girl screamed, thrashing, tears forming in her eyes.
"I'm going to shatter every single bone in your body, over and over until your mind breaks from the agony. I had to erase all of the videos from the bank and make sure none of his prints are on that ice cream van so that shit wouldn't be on Martin’s record! I don't know how you've managed to involve my gullible, idiot brother in your crimes, but it ends here. I’m going to enjoy making you into a vegetable." Ember seethed out, bending down towards Alexa, seemingly uncaring for revealing herself.
She stepped back and numerous copies of the hero flickered into existence all around Alexa. Off-color, transparent bats swung up into the air as Resonance prepared to strike the villain down from every possible angle.
Alexa blearily struggled in the handcuffs, expecting nothing but pain —
"Put down the bat, and undo the damage done to the girl, hero Resonance." An emotionless voice announced from somewhere nearby.
"What?" Ember's head snapped towards the newcomer.
The Equalizer stood 6 meters away from Ember, holding a long, black railgun in her hands.
"Took you long enough." Alexa groaned, looking up at Cottie through tear-streaked eyes.
"I said - undo the damage on her. Now, please. I will not ask a third time.” The Enforcer spoke, ignoring Alexa’s comment.
“You dare interrupt official Superstate business, Equalizer?” Ember barked.
“This doesn’t look like the official business of simply arresting a villain. You look like you’re about to murder her with all of these projections of yours. I have a micro-cam on my person. Give it up, you already lost.”
“No! Screw off! This monster’s existence is a threat to my family!” Numerous flickering, off-color copies turned towards the Equalizer as Ember stepped towards the girl in a gray cloak.
The black railgun in the Enforcer’s hand lit up as she put her finger on the trigger and colors drained away from the world in a bubble all around her - the grass, bushes, and playground equipment turning gray. Cottie took a step forward, her robe billowing. As the grayscale circle emanating from the railgun reached the hero it drained the color from her golden uniform and red hair. In that instant, every single copy of Ember popped out of existence. The hero's ordinarily floating hair fell down to her shoulders and her cape sagged.
“What?! You… you can’t! How?!” Ember yelped, eyes wide with panic. Her superpower had never failed her before.
“Resonance, I’d like you to meet my nullifier - Eva,” the Enforcer said, nodding at her gun. “She's an electromagnetic vector accelerator, also known as the Song of the Void, one of the few weapons capable of shutting down superpowers.”
“But…”
“I will not hesitate to take another step forward and shoot you in the leg if you refuse cooperation.”
“Why would an Equalizer defend a vile supervillain like her?! Do you know what she's done? Who she's hurt?!”
“She is of great value to the Order.” The emotionless voice of Cottie spoke calmly. “You will cooperate with the Paladin of Equality or suffer the consequences.”
“FFffff...Fine!” Ember angrily ground out. Cottie took a step back, releasing Ember from the nullification field. Two of the hero's copies flashed into being, rewinding the bat-motion over the bleeding girl. Alexa’s broken arms mended themselves as if they were never shattered, the pain persisting only in her memory.
“Thanks!” She smiled tiredly, lifting her handcuffed hands into the air.
Cottie let go of the trigger. The railgun went off with a bang of a supersonic bullet cutting across the handcuffs, cleaving them in twain.
“Hey! Jeez, at least warn a person before you fire that thing.” Alexa rubbed the flash out of her eyes.
“This isn’t over, Equaliser. I will catch and break her sooner or later, you can’t protect her forever! I will be reporting this matter to the Superstate. I’ll have Equality declared a villain for this!” Ember growled, golden cape fluttering behind her theatrically as she turned, walking away.
Alexa stuck her tongue out at the hero’s retreating form. Cottie approached her.
“You are acting very foolish for a daughter of a super-genius.”
“Don’t judge me! I’m a work in progress.”
“Read this.” Cottie slid the railgun back into her cloak and dropped a book into Alexa’s lap.
“How to survive middle school.” Alexa read the title, looking at the quirkily illustrated girl on the front cover. She looked back at Cottie, raising an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yes. Really. I’ve been observing you. You’re failing at being a middle school student. Her Eminence Equality personally sent me to supervise your integration into humanity.”
“I don’t need to bloody integrate into bloody humanity! I do what I want. I don’t need no emotion-deprived Equalizers teaching me how to be a better human. Also, your super pope is dumb!"
"Today, you pissed off the wrong hero and nearly died for it." Cottie noted.
"All part of my genius, multi-step, master plan." Alexa said. "Arghhh friggin hell, my arms still feel like they’re broken and also not really.” She rubbed her recently un-shattered parts, wincing from phantom pain.
The Equalizer sat on her knees next to the villainess. Emotionless, emerald-green eyes looked at very tired, silver ones.
“You cannot fight the entire world by yourself, little schemer.” Cottie reached out and hugged Alexa.
“Whu…? I'm as tall as you!” The girl villain protested.
“We all sacrifice ourselves for a greater cause.”
“Do you even know what my cause is?”
“I’m willing to find out.” Cottie said. “You are alone, just like I was once. So very, very alone.”
“I am not!” Alexa shook her head, her face betraying her with a sour expression.
“I’ve been investigating, observing you. No caring parents, no relatives, no guardians, no friends… with the exception of that poor boy you’ve recently bullied into being your minion.”
“I did not!” Alexa protested weakly.
“Are you sure your father is still alive? Nobody has seen him in a decade. When was the last time you talked to Doctor Terranova in person?”
“Uh. Daddums is definitely alive! He’s just very busy with… uhh… global domination plans!” Alexa said, feeling her defenses crack under the relentless attack of the Equalizer.
“I do not believe that anyone has ever given you a hug.”
“I totally had hugs before… uhh...” Alexa whispered, more tears sparkling in her eyes.
“Shush and hug me back,” Cottie told her and Alexa did, sobbing into Cottie’s gray cloak.
Cottie smiled ever so slightly as Alexa slowly relaxed.
“Hey. That’s illegal. You can’t show emotion, Miss Spock,” Alexa sniffed.
“I’ve also never known my family,” Cottie spoke calmly. “Equality saves orphans all around the world. I’m one of her children. My goal is to save you, help you be more human.”
“Oh. I guess we have something in common then,” Alexa said, hugging Cottie back harder. “Hey, um. You haven’t seen Martin by any chance, have you?”
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