《Doom Guy Isekai》Chapter Thirty-Three: Doomed To Succeed
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The soldier rubbed his hands against each other, a distinct aura of excitement surrounding him. He'd been looking forward to this for... well, technically it'd only been two days or so, but it felt more like two weeks to the bloodthirsty soldier.
The whole group, which consisted of Galbaer, Daisy, Isabeld, and of course the soldier, had ended up outside a rather seedy-looking establishment - if it could even be called that. The shoddy metal door before them was rusty and stained, and the whole building leaned rather ominously outward. Anyone wishing to be safe would have promptly walked in the opposite direction, but the soldier was here to go to Hell. Safety was hardly a concern of his.
Galbaer shook his head, muttering, "This was not what I expected." Having said so, he moved to the door and rapped it carefully. After several seconds, he knocked again, calling, "Hello? Is anyone there? I was told that Duke Ferluci was sponsoring my friend here to go to Hell."
Nobody responded, and Galbaer sighed. Pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket, he grumbled irritably, "I swear this is the right address..." Turning to Daisy and the soldier, he suggested, "Maybe he's asleep?"
Daisy very pointedly looked up at the sun cheerily hovering at the apex of the sky, and then back down to Galbaer. "After that racket? I don't think there are any corpses around here that are asleep. You ever considered a career in necromancy?"
Grumbling under his breath, he turned back to the door and hammered on it once again, bellowing, "HELLO!? ARE YOU IN THERE!?"
A flock of birds rose from the city, cawing and screeching from the sheer volume of the sound. The building wavered from the sound slightly, wobbled unsteadily on its foundation, and settled. Galbaer sighed again. "I'm terribly sorry, I don't know why he isn't responding."
The soldier moved past the large man, sank his hands deep into the metal of the door, and ripped it off its hinges. Delicately pulling it out of the frame so as not to collapse the house, he set it aside and strode inside. Behind him, Galbaer glanced at Daisy and mouthed, "Is he normally like this?"
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She shrugged, responding at full volume, "You tell me. You've known him longer."
Shaking his head and muttering something about respect, Galbaer moved into the shop, vanishing into the darkness. After a moment, Daisy followed, grinning to herself.
The soldier squinted in the near-absolute darkness, wondering why this guy didn't have any lights, and then heard a thunderous groaning sound. Whirling around, he saw Isabeld squeezing their considerable bulk through the relatively minuscule door. Galbaer waved his hands worriedly, whispering for some reason. "No! Stop! Bad dog!"
Finally, with an almost comical pop, they made it through the doorway, looking around with their tongues happily hanging out of their mouths. After a moment, an escalating groan made itself audible, and with an almighty crash the entire front wall fell outward. In some miracle of architecture, the rest of the building stayed standing.
With a noncommittal shrug, the soldier turned back around and grunted. With the sunlight streaming in through where the wall should have been, he could see the room a lot better.
It wasn't impressive.
In fact, it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that the room would be out of place in the middle of a particularly violent bar, or maybe a bedroom that had never been cleaned in the entirety of its existence. The stub of a candle dangling from the brown ceiling in a dangerously swinging metal cap looked as though it hadn't been lit since its untimely demise. Piles of stained (and more worryingly, soggy) clothes were draped on every piece of furniture, and it took the soldier a moment to identify the barely moving hump of pants on what might have been a bed at some point as the person they were here to see.
Galbaer's lip was curled in unmistakable disgust as he looked around the filthy one-room building. "This is the diabolist that's supposed to be able to send you to Hell? I'd be surprised if he could direct us to the nearest inn."
Daisy added bluntly, "Or the nearest bath."
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The soldier thought for a moment. Galbaer's shouting hadn't woken this person up. As for Daisy, she was quieter than the giant of a man, although admittedly not by very much. He didn't want Isabeld to eat the man - at least, not yet. So what was the fastest way to wake him up?
He glanced at the rickety ceiling and shrugged. The building was a sneeze away from collapsing - might as well get rid of the rubble. With a rapid movement, he summoned the Super Shotgun, aimed upward, and fired.
The entirety of the one-story building jumped for a moment as the ceiling was essentially vaporized, and Galbaer hurled himself to the floor with his ears covered. Isabeld crouched, whining, but Daisy seemed to have it the worst. With her massive ears, the unprepared Lepori's eyes crossed and then snapped back into focus. With a startled hiccup, she passed out.
As for the man underneath the covers, he slowly sat up, yawning and squinting and generally waking up very slowly. Looking around, he asked sleepily, "Hello? Is someone there?"
The soldier noticed a fuzzy pair of the thickest earmuffs he'd ever seen wrapped around the man's head and nodded inwardly. That made sense. Or at least, it made more sense.
Rubbing his eyes, the man squinted at the soldier. After a solid five seconds, he screamed loudly, jumping back into his bed and tripping over it. Collapsing onto a rather squishy pile of torn shirts, he scrambled to the back of the room and screamed some more.
Galbaer stood up and roared, "Get yourself together! Are you or are you not Rashad the diabolist?"
Eyes flicking back and forth between the soldier and the champion, he nodded briefly, the earmuffs dangling from the side of his head. Galbaer rolled his eyes. "We're here from Duke Ferluci. He wants to send my friend here to Hell. He said you can help with that."
Rashad froze for a moment, his brain clearly needing far more processing power than it had available, and then blinked. "Y-you... you have orders from Duke Fer - Ferluci? Orders to send-" He gestured at the soldier with one trembling hand. "-him... to Hell!?"
Galbaer sighed for a long moment. The sigh lasted a good eight seconds. The soldier was impressed in spite of himself. "Yes. Do you get all of that?"
Slowly pulling himself to his feet and trying to inconspicuously stare at the soldier, Rashad swallowed and answered hesitantly, "Y-yeah. I, uh... I get it."
With a gesture, a jaggedly carved metal staff hurtled into his hand. He started waving it around, not noticing the gray pair of underwear hanging from its tip. The clothing might have been alive at this point, and the soldier was genuinely considering shooting it just in case.
In mere seconds, a red circle split the air, Brimstone's skyline visible through it. Galbaer blinked. "That's it? I thought it'd be harder."
Rashad shrugged, still trying to not look at the soldier while looking at him. "Y-yup. All I need is permission from, uh, Satan, and then you're all good to go."
Galbaer's eyebrow slowly crept up his forehead, and he said skeptically, "Satan."
Rashad nodded. "Yep."
"You got permission from Satan."
"Yep."
"As in, you specifically?"
The soldier was bored of waiting for Galbaer and Rashad to finish their chat. He picked up Daisy, who was just waking up, and promptly tossed her into the portal. It was the signal Isabeld had been waiting for, and they happily romped into the portal. Giving Galbaer a quick thumbs-up, the soldier walked through the portal.
He was, unfortunately, a few hundred feet above the ground.
As it turned out, the skyline of Brimstone was not from that one tower's view, but from midair.
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