I woke up in a hideously uncomfortable vertical position, tied to the billboard. Half of my view was obscured by a blonde wig. The rest of my view was of buildings, stormy clouds and the icy ground far below.

"Awgh, come on!"

I coughed out, trying to shake the dratted wig off my head.

Far off in the distance, I saw a glint of purple-tinted binoculars. I heard Captain shout something towards me that sounded like "IZ ZAT BETTER?"

"G-Damn you!" I swore under my breath, forcefully trying to wiggle out of my bonds, but lets just say this was a horrible idea. My wiggling had not broken the ropes, but in fact had caused the billboard's rusty beam supports to come apart.

Then, the whole structure started to collapse. With a dreadful screech, the billboard, along with my person, detached itself from the metal framework and plummeted downwards.

I lost count of how many times up became down as the billboard flipped and flopped, falling, catching on numerous balconies, twisting, shaking and losing jagged pieces of metal and plastic.

I saw the ground closing in.

Just as I was about ready to meet a very tragic end with potential splattering and bone breaking consequences, the billboard crashed into another balcony and suddenly turned flat, gliding in the air. There was no more crashing noise, only the hiss of the wind.

I figured the board must have caught an updraft of air, turning it into a massive kite. I saw the curvature of the earth sail beneath me, dotted with smaller concrete 21st century buildings, surrounded by jaggedy meshwork of mangled factories. The impromptu kite rose further and further, punching through a cloud shelf. I began to be concerned. Where was it taking me? How many bones would I break if the precarious sky-balance of the kite failed?

Gargantuan, continental Good Directorate city cubes, wrapped by spiralling supercell storms, judged my ascent. Here and there lightning struck into the surface of the metal cubes from the storms, nature attempting to and failing to demolish man's grand folly. My skin crawled with an eerie sense of deep wrongness as I looked at them. They had no right, no reason, no sense to exist. Even before everyone perished in thermonuclear hellfire, there couldn't have been anywhere enough employees to fill all of these office superstructures. Why had the Good corporation built them? What purpose did they serve? I decided that it didn't really matter. Now they were simply titanic tombs, empty shells of whatever they once were, devoid of all life.

While I contemplated the sad state of office cubes, my "kite" suddenly began its descent.

The sky flashed above me for a moment, before the billboard smashed into the ground, digging into the ice, severing the ropes and flinging me out into a snow-bank.

Making a snow-angel as I tried to get up, but failing due to dizziness, I saw Captain's figure standing over me.

"NINE POINTS!"

it spoke.

"What's wrong with you!?" I shouted "Why would you...?"

"YOU LOST ONE POINT FOR NOT SMILING ON YOUR 6TH FLIP" Captain answered: "GRUMPY ATHLETES GET SECOND PLACE, YOU KNOW!"

I didn't know whether to strangle Captain or to laugh. I chose the latter, because... why not. In a radioactive world where you have nothing to lose or to gain, where your home usually has no roof above it, being a human kite is sort of... maybe just a tiny bit... amusing?

Moral of the day is that I definitely learned NOT to poke fun at Captain's conversations with inanimate objects.