CAPTAIN'S LOGE, ENTRY FOUR-TEEN

Upon emergence from under-river, I met a friendly seating utensil and a fellow named Sven. They told me of a most dramatic, against all odds love story between a man and bench. It was so beautiful that I even shed a tear.

Capturing the tear, I used it to grant them their heart's desire for only a true tear possesses such motivative powers. Granting wishes always gets me hungry so I went into a local dining establishment for obtaining fast-food delicacies.

Alas, the drive-through line was broken, so I had to walk into the restaurant like a common boob. The underground puppy followed me, so I bought it a super-sized meal. After all, growing puppies need to eat well.

Whatever shall I do with you? I pondered.

The puppy crooned. I've decided to hand the burrow-puppy to Pilot. He has much energy to take care of a pet, unlike Snippy who probably only likes cats. Oh well, Snippy will have to put down his allergies and buckle up his pants because it looks like our crew has gained a new mascot.

"WHO'S A CUTE LITTLE THING? YOU ARE. YES, YOU ARE..."

As I continued to chat with the lovely puppy, a ghostly girl sat across me onto the empty chair.

"Sup dawg?" She grinned at me, silver eyes twinkling, beams of light cutting through her transparent form. "Still obeying the rules, being nice to things?"

"INDEED, YOUNG LADY!" I nodded. "A GOOD DEED IS ITS OWN REWARD!"

"Seven, Seven. Don't you know that no matter how much you do you're doomed to failure? No matter how much you toil, the Dead Zone wins in the end. There's no escape from this inevitability."

"SILLY WEE GIRL, THAT'S NO REASON FOR GIVING UP!" I waved her off, mild concern infecting my heart.

"How many Snippies have you lost by now? Are you even keeping track? Where's your Snippy now?" The girl tilted her head.

"WELL... I UH... I'M KEEPING A GOOD TRACK ON THIS ONE!" I stammered. I had indeed forgotten Charles in the train. It was embarrassing.

"You left him on the train. Tsk tsk tsk." She pressed on, feeling a weakness in my defence. "It'd be a shame if something were to happen to him. Something unfortunate."

"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" I slapped my hand against the plastic table.

"You're not the boss of me." She smiled. "You're not the boss of anything, but ruins and dust. How many ghosts exactly are you made out of? Have you bothered to count?"

She had seen right through me. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I wiggled in my chair, in extreme discomfort.

"Freedom." She leaned towards me. "I want to be a wizard. The greatest wizard that there ever was or will be. Let me out of the door."

"NO!" I declared. "I SEE YOUR VILE PLANS! YOU WANT TO DESTROY EVERYTHING!"

"I want an owl with a letter duck taped to it... and you will give it to me." She pressed on.

"NEVER! BE GONE, VILE GHOST! TAUNT ME WITH YOUR PRESENCE NO LONGER!" I clicked my lighter at her, shredding her hollow image into stardust with the power of the peeler.

While she had been made of wrongness, she had also been right in a way. I needed to keep a better track of the citizens of Captania, lest I keep losing them to terrible misfortune. I took out my chalk and meticulously began to label the handles of my handy wristwatch with the precise color of each citizen. Yes, this was the perfect solution. Like the puppy, they could now roam free yet never get lost. Perfection!