"TWO FOR ONE!"

Captain shouted, standing in front of two Maglev trains that somehow managed to crash into each other.

Captain stood triumphantly and merrily waved the "SOLD" sign that had a smiley face instead of the letter "O" at my face.

"A train is not a piece of real estate" I commented.

"...and shouldn't that sign say FOR SALE, not SOLD?"

"YOU NEED TO BE MORE FORWARD THINKING, SNIPPEY! YOU HAVE TO SHOW ABILITY TO SELL THINGS FIRST!" Captain said.

"So what you're saying, is you've already sold these things?" I inquired.

"NOT CURRENTLY! BUT MY FUTURE SELF HAS DONE A GREAT JOB INDEED!" Captain boasted merrily.

"Let me guess, your future plans include selling real estate to the dead?" I pointed to the skeletons that littered the ground nearby.

"DON'T BE SO DAFT, SNIPPY! GHOSTS MAKE EXCELLENT CLIENTS! WHY, IN EXACTLY TWO WEEKS TIME I SOLD A GORGEOUS HAUNTED CASTLE TO A NICE FAMILY OF CASPERS!" Captain jiggled the "SOLD" sign.

"Uhuh" I nodded, imagining Captain making a communion with ghost-clients via the use of a decaying Ouija Board.

"EVERYTHING IS REAL ESTATE FOR THE RIGHT BUYER! YOUR LEFT SHOE WILL MAKE AN EXCELLENT HOME TO... A WORM CLIENT OF MINE!" Captain boomed excitedly.

"You do not have permission to sell my left shoe to a worm!" I frowned.

"WELL THINK IT OVER! I AM CERTAIN YOUR ATTITUDE WILL CHANGE! THE MARKET IS HOT, HOT, HOT! WITH A LITTLE BIT OF TLC... ADD A TOUCH OF PAINT, A TINY WINDOW THERE, A DOOR HERE, CUTE LITTLE CHIMNEY AND YOU TOO WILL MAKE QUITE A SWELL PROFIT!" Captain pointed the "SOLD" sign at my shoe.

I stared suspiciously at my shoe. Captain better not convert it into a worm-condo while I sleep. My foot felt something foreign inside. Oh oh.

I took my shoe off and started to shake it vigorously. A folded piece of paper fell out. I picked it up.

The paper had an advert on it with a drawing of my shoe (with additions of doors and etc) and text that stated:

"AN EXCELLENT ESTATE OF HISTORIC VALUE RIGHT IN CENTRAL CAPTANIA!

A FORMER SHOE CONVERTED INTO A LOFT!

DELIGHTFUL DESIGN IS THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE THIS STUNNING RENOVATION OF SNIPPY'S SHOE, FORMERLY LOCATED ON HIS LEFT FOOT. YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A CONVERSION LIKE THIS! THE BEST OF ITS CHARACTER WAS RESTORED WITH HIGH CEILINGS, AND THE BEST OF TODAY'S DECOR. IT'S ALL NEW INCLUDING WHAT'S UNDER THE SURFACE. UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT OF WORK DONE HERE! UNIQUE AND UNEXPECTED, WITH NOTHING TO DO BUT MOVE IN.

ALL YOURS FOR 199,900 CREDITS! YOUR ESTIMATED MONTHLY PAYMENT IS ONLY SEVEN HUNDRED CAPTANIA CREDITS MONTHLY.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN VIEWING THE SHOE, PLEASE SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT."

I glared at Captain. My angry stare was met with a crusty, cardboard business card brandished at my face:

======================

ZEE CAPTAIN'S REAL ESTATE

# 1 AGENT EVER Z. CAPTAIN

WWW.ROM.AC

1 777 416 265 9999

TWELFTH AND A HALF STREET

APARTMENT SEVENTY BEE

MANCHESTER, PLANET MERCURY

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