Chapter 33: Knock ‘Em Down

Of course, things would never be so easy.

“Good morning, my little jailbirds.”

Electra and I shared a glance as a woman’s voice echoed down the stairs to the dungeon. Delia followed a moment later, a sharp little smile curling at the corner of her mouth. Behind her, four other guildies followed.

I pushed myself to my feet, making a show of brushing off my bodysuit. “To what do we owe the pleasure?” The two of us were still mostly clean, despite two days in a cell. Thank god for super materials.

“Oh, nothing much.” The woman smiled at me, tossing her bright red hair over her shoulder. She looked elaborately coiffed—and also more than a little annoyed that we didn’t look like filthy peasants, but that was very much a her problem.

“It’s just that today is an important day, is all.”

Electra and I shared another glance. Today was the day the Guild made their power grab for the rest of Silverwall. Of course, neither of us were supposed to know that.

Here’s hoping that Electra had a better poker face than I suspected.

I scoffed. “I’m sure.”

Delia laughed. “Boys, go ahead and grab them.”

Electra lowered her stance. “And where the heck do you think you’re taking us?”

“Nowhere in particular.” Delia examined her nails as the four bully boys entered the cell. “You don’t have to play nice; I certainly don’t mind if you’re a little roughed up before the festivities.”

Electra let out a short growl, but then I stepped forward, holding a hand out and smiling winsomely up at the first adventurer. “Festivities? For Me?” I placed a hand on the startled man’s chest. “By all means, lead the way.”

Delia let out another laugh as I let the two men escort me out of the cell as if I were a princess instead of a pauper. “Oh, Via.” She reached out, patting my cheek as one would a pet. “In another life, I’m sure we could have been friends.”

“I’ve never been a fan of the whole servant angle, myself.” I smiled back, tilting my head into her palm, even as Electra grumbled but walked out behind me. I knew she wanted to bust out, but it wasn’t time yet. Delia was too on her guard. We needed to convince her that she had all the power. “But I suppose I wouldn’t mind a few nights of working under you.”

Delia’s smile grew. “And maybe in another life I would have taken you up on that, my dear.” She patted me again, before turning. “But today, we have other plans.”

“Really?” I allowed myself to be escorted up the stairs, folding my hands behind my back. “You always struck me as the ‘lord over your defeated enemies’ type.”

My fingers formed into a hand sign. Information.

Behind me, Electra huffed. By now, I’m sure she wasn’t even surprised that I knew Aegis code. This little batch of sign language, I didn’t even have to hack into their servers for. Nope! It came with the employee handbook, actually.

Now, the reason they never got around to changing it after I started building giant robots to take over the city, well…

That was a story for a different time.

“You know me so well.” Delia led us through the empty guild hall above. Electra said it had been bustling when they carted her in, but now it was silent as a grave. “In this case, though, I tend to find that the suggestion of necrophilia rather kills the mood.”

I quirked my lips as we were escorted to another small group of adventures by the entrance. “So it’s the gallows then.”

“Correct in one!” Delia cast a smile over her shoulder. “Now if only you could have been so prescient beforehand.”

I allowed myself a frown. Bitch, I predicted literally this entire string of events. “I’ll take another shot in the dark then. You’re not supposed to be doing this.”

She affected a look of surprise, holding a hand over her mouth. “And whatever gives you that idea?”

“The empty guild, plus all of your little boy toy adventurers?” I waved a hand. They still hadn’t chained me up. Why would they, with all of my skills locked away. “We’re not even the main event, today, are we?” I sniffed. “What a waste. My execution deserves higher billing.”

She chuckled. “Egotistical to the last.”

“Takes one to know one.”

Delia frowned, jerking her head. I ducked mine as the man on my right cuffed my ear. “Watch your tongue.”

I smiled. “Truth hurts, huh?” I made a zipping motion before she could decide to hit me herself this time. “Don’t worry, I promise to keep it a secret if you will.”

She stared at me for a moment more, before huffing and turning away. “If you must know, the guild head wanted to barter you away to the Watch. Outworlders go for a pretty penny in this day and age. But so do their heads.”

“Two birds with one stone?” I made the sign for wait next to my thigh. In public would be better, especially if she wanted a show. “So you’re using us as a distraction for something else, huh.”

Her eyes narrowed at me, and I snorted. “C’mon, Delia, darling.” I made a circular motion with my hand. “It’s easy to see that the guild is empty right now. If you had the pull to send them all off, you wouldn’t need permission to get me hanged in the first place.”

She tilted her head at me. “You know, I think you’re the first person I’ve ever met to use the right word.”

I smiled. “Been to a lot of hangings?”

“Oh undoubtedly.” With a snap of her fingers, the doors to the guild were thrown open and our party started out. “They’re one of my favorite things.”

“Anything to keep the unwashed masses in their place, hmm?”

“You know,” Delia said. “I’m beginning to find less enjoyment with your cheek.”

“Well, look at the bright side.” I shrugged. “A raven will have pecked it out by this time tomorrow.”

“Ah yes, that’s a much nicer mental image.”

“God, Em’” I heard Electra huff behind me. “Are you always so chatty with the people planning to kill you?”

I glanced over my shoulder, meeting her eyes. One of the guards was kind enough to steer me the right way as we turned onto the main thoroughfare. “Well, forcing these fine young men to drag me through the streets sounds like a pain.” I rolled a shoulder. “And like hell on my delicate constitution.”

A flash of understanding crossed her face, but she continued to slouch. “Don’t think I’m as big on the whole ‘die with dignity’ angle.”

Translation, she wasn’t going to get herself hanged just because I had a flair for the dramatic.

I, of course, just smiled wider. “Don’t worry, Ella, it’ll all be over soon.”

In the distance, the noon bell began to ring. That would be the start of the raids, and the start of my plan as well.

The mirror, I’d been forced to leave in the cell. I’d even made sure to step on it, part of the reason I was being so theatrical. So I had no way to contact my people. Luckily, Electra and I had already been planning to bust out on our own.

Things would just have to be a little bit more… ad hoc.

There was already a gallows set up by the time we made it to one of the main squares of the city, with more than a few people already milling around.

Bread and circuses.

I made no motion to struggle as the other adventurers pushed us up onto the stage, fastening a rough noose around my neck.

“Got a plan to get us out of this one?” Electra hissed.

I could sense her faith in our new partnership was already being tested, but I’d made my career as a Supervillain off of one thing and one thing only.

I walked through fire.

Instead of saying anything, I smiled at her. Delia was giving some kind of speech or something. The usual drivel, you know, ‘dearly beloved, we are gathered here today’. Oh wait, that was the other kind of tragedy. Right, this was more of a ‘these vile criminals’ kind of speech.

I tilted my head back, letting the words wash over me along with the growing murmurs of the crowd.

It really was a beautiful day. If I tilted my head towards the merchant quarter, I could even see a wisp of smoke rising up from what I assumed was the Enchanter’s guild in the distance, not that anyone was paying any attention.

Maybe Delia had more than air between her ears after all.

“Hey, Empress. I’m getting kind of worried here.”

“Don’t be.” I took a deep breath, feeling something akin to pride growing in my chest. On a nearby rooftop, I saw a flash of blue fur, and that pride morphed into savage glee. “Among Villains, it’s considered a mark of status to merit a public execution. A nod to the fact that you are so infamous that unless the people see your body, they’ll never believe that you actually died.”

Electra huffed. “Pretty sure that’s not what’s happening here, Em’”

“Don’t take this from me.”

“You’d think you’d be more worried about the people trying to take your life,” she said.

I hummed. “Yeah, you probably would, wouldn’t you?”

There was one guard left on the platform; the rest had ringed the gallows to hold back the crowd. Delia was winding down, and then there was one more man as well.

To pull the lever, presumably.

I probably should be worried about him. It would be a shame to die because I’d waited just a bit too long.

“And now…!” Delia said, raising her hand.

“For my next trick!” My voice rang through the air, and I felt the pressure of a thousand gazes snap to me. I smiled.

This was what I lived for.

“I make my beautiful assistant… disappear!”

I slashed my hand through the air.

Blue slashed his maw through the last guard’s throat.

The man fell gurgling to the wooden planks, even as Blue’s tail knocked lever man from the platform. Blue roared, teeth flashing. The guards on the ground below scrambled back. A cry of “Demon!” rose from the crowd.

Chaos erupted.

More than one of the guildies on the ground were taken off their feet in the surge of people suddenly trying to get away.

I grinned at Delia’s face. Her expression went from shock to blistering rage in less than a second. From Blue’s back, General Tock, my every loyal spider bot, leapt through the air above our heads.

Then Delia’s spear hit the gallows lever, and we dropped like a pair of rocks.